What really matters...

Yes I am, in fact, blogging while on vacation.

Doesn't feel like work, that's why.  

Lemme' tell you about the pictures first, then I'll get to the body of it.  The first shot above says it all.  A husband and a wife hoping for the best for the couple in the accident while being thankful it wasn't them.

We stopped dead on I95 southbound, headed for Hilton Head.  As far back as you can imagine the highway was one big tailgate party--or would have been under normal circumstances.

Three times the air-evac chopper arrived, picked up a patient, flew them off to the Charleston Hospital then came back to do it again.  Three chopper rides, two ambulance trips.  Five people critically injured.

We sat on I95 for just under two hours watching it unfold.  We were about half a mile back from the site of the accident.  We'd been rolling along no problem, more than ready to 'be there' as a four-hour trip from Mooresville (just north of Charlotte) was a little more than we had appetite for after the 12-hour trip we'd just done from our home west of Toronto to my wife's Dad's place.

Anyway, all of a sudden we see brake lights.  Serious brake lights.  We stop, then emergency vehicles start racing past on the grass shoulder lights blazing sirens blaring.  We sit for a few minutes then a few minutes more than everyone starts getting out of their cars shielding their eyes from the sun trying to see what's happened.

The trucker next to us says someone's dead.

The helicopter arrives.

We know it's serious.

And we start talking with our kids about death and dying.  We pray for the people.  We hope for the best.  The trucker keeps giving us updates.  Can't get 'em out of the cab.  It's a camper and a car tangled up.

Nobody's dead--critically injured.  We should be here an hour or so.

One more patient to go.

They're spraying the road down.

('spraying the road down'?  from what?  what are they washing away?)

Good to go.

Pass the wreck.

The entire front cab of the motor home is destroyed crushed right back into the body of the vehicle.

Lord have mercy.

And that shot of the couple off the top hit me.  I'd just pulled my camera out and started shooting and, checking my shots later, there it was.

"Together"

That's what matters.

Snuggle up next to the one(s) you love and squeeze 'em 'cause you can be sure the couple in that camper who swerved to avoid the car and hit the bridge abutment instead had no idea yesterday was going to be their last.

Go on and get to huggin'.

T

I had no idea...

There's this 'thing' going on in my life right now that's kind of cool--I mean, there are several 'cool things' going on but this one in particular is getting some very interesting feedback.

Take today for example.  I was seeing my Dentist.  I've been his patient since I was a young teen--like for fifteen years or something.  He's had a chance to watch me grow up, get married, have kids, and discover what I'm 'meant' to do with my life.

He's always been very encouraging and interested in what's happening in and around my life.

So today, he asks me how things are going, and I fill him in and he's glad to hear it.  Then, near the end of our time together I mention the 'cool thing' to him.

And he gets all teary-eyed.

He pulls me into the next room, asks for details, listens intently and basically tells me that 'this' is what I'm 'meant' to be doing and seems to indicate that he's been waiting for me to come to this.

Then he grabs my hand and prays with me, right there in his office.

And I'm thinking, 'Man, if even my Dentist 'knows' this 'thing' about me, how is it that I'm the last to know?"

Weird right?

'Course it'd be one thing if you totally lacked introspection and didn't spend any time examining your life or thinking about what you're doing, the value of it, and what you've been put on the planet to do.

But with me, that kind of reflection has always been a big part of my process.

And yet, here I am, going through this very interesting season in my life--at the culmination of three years of real struggle and some neat advances capped off by three months of intense near-despair and personal struggle--and I'm the 'last' to know.

Very interesting and humbling at the same time.

What I'm getting from this today is a reminder to be in even closer communication with the people around you re: getting their 'take' on where you're at and where you're headed.  Truth is most people won't offer their opinion unless you ask and once you do they'll be pretty free with it.  I've had another friend's marriage run off the rails this week and that got met thinking about openness.  I said to my wife that I wondered if they didn't really sit down to talk with us beforehand 'cause they were worried we'd flag some of the issues that have now really taken hold of them.

Fair enough right?

I mean, nobody likes a bummer, but I think (in their case) it's now safe to say that it would have been much better to get the 'bummer opinion' before they were married rather than after.

Let that be a lesson to me, and perhaps you.

Seek strong advice.

Even if you fear the result, go ahead and ask away.  Ask the wise, strong, accomplished people you know what they think about your trajectory.  Take their thoughts seriously.

Act on them.

Which in my case ('act on them') means that I keep pursuing the 'cool thing' that's happening in my life even though--from a couple different perspectives on it--it's a plain crazy thing to be doing.

(and if the wise folk around you suggest action opposite to what you've been thinking don't jump off the rails just yet, but slow the train down a bit so you can think carefully for a minute or two...)

What's your 'crazy-cool thing'?  You pursuing it?  

What does your Dentist think?

Or better yet, your wife...

T

the long road home...

Oh but what I week I had...

Flew to L.A Monday--15 hours--recovered Tuesday and studied bios for 23 guests.  Wednesday, shot 11 interviews.  Thursday shot 12 interviews.  Hung with my team 'till way too late.  Friday got up (four hours later) and worked my way home.  11:00pm ET, or 2:00am for me, arrived home.  Saturday got up at 8:00am ET or 5:00am for me and went to get some 'family photos' done for Mother's Day.

Needless to say I'm feeling somewhat fried today.

Then at Church this morning I broke down.

Wasn't anything obviously special or spectacular that did it.  My two littlest kids had gone to dance in the isle with Mommy and my oldest son and daughter snuggled up next to me in the pew as the Pastor prayed for the kids.

And I started weeping.

I felt such deep thankfulness for my babies--and their Mother--and for the Lord using all five of them to sanctify me over these past nine years (13 years married, nine since the birth of my eldest).  I felt overwhelmed by grace.

So I cried.

And cried.

And cried.

Couldn't even sing in worship lest I break down in uncontrolled sobbing.  It was really serious.

Then the scripture readings came and one of them was straight-up telegraphed for my younger brother and his wife as they prepare to head back overseas to Israel with their three little boys tomorrow. He knew it--started sobbing--his wife knew it, cried and cried, and I knew it. "That's why you were here this morning..." I told him after the reading as the worship continued.  "To hear that."

Heavy duty stuff.

Then the sermon, simple and from the heart, and prophetic as all-get-out, dealt with trust and faith and hope in the midst of insecurity--a 'word' applicable to my family and my brother's.

And through it all I was thinking of L.A.  Such a jaded, materialistic, pressure-packed town. Also a town full of lovely people and talented.  Thing was, on the first day there they were casting a movie in the room next to one of ours as we were setting up and I was so very deeply troubled by all the look-a-like girls (like tall skinny colts) sitting there on the floor waiting for the chance to have their dreams come true.

And I know their dream is a sham.

I know what it's like to be an actor.  I know what it's like to hire them and to work with them and to fire them.  I know they're--except at the very top of the food chain--basically there to be used and then cast aside.  I know they'll have no power and no influence and all but no chance at their dream fulfilled and I also know that, even if they 'make it' and become 'top echelon', they will find that their dream does not yield satisfaction.

So watching them there at the very start of their journey, I found myself grieving for them.

Then one of our last guests of the day, on Thursday, came through.  The guest was a pretty big star and acted like a superstar and then some.  I can't even describe how tense the atmosphere was on their arrival.  I know there are reasons for feeling stressed and tense and angry but, boy, did this guest ever let loose.  It's amazing to me we got the interview done.  Afterward I think they seemed satisfied.

But they were proof-positive of what I was thinking on our first day.

No amount of success or notoriety is going to make you happy.

So when I got home this weekend and spent it with my family and my wife and my babies and our community at our simple little Church in our simple little town and God broke through to comfort and confirm...

Well, lemme' tell you, I'd take this weekend in all it's simple home town glory over weeks and weeks (or a lifetime) in extravagant tinseltown.

Oh yes I would.

My hope for you--as you face a new week--is that you find beauty and glory and grace in your simple little life.

'Cause from where I sit, the bright lights be illuminating a bunch of empty souls.

T

gettin' through it...

So I almost didn't make it today.

(the picture--by the way--is the view from my balcony at the end of 'day one'...)

Part of it was barely sleeping last night.  I just kept getting woken up and when I'd stir my racing mind would take over and I'd be overwhelmed with thought after thought connected to the interviews I was to do today.

Three hours of sleep the night after a 15 hour travel day followed by 12 high-profile celebrity interviews in one day does not make for a happy camper.

My neck muscles are so tightly wound it's insane.  Add to that a 10-day old sinus infection that just won't quit and you can imagine how 'awesome' it was to be me today.  Lucky for me my Director's wife is here and happens to be a registered massage therapist.  

(she fixed me up good, thanks Nik...)

Oh, and did I mention the kind of focus that's required to interview someone 'well'?  Lemme' tell you, you can't 'mail' those in.

The upshot was a morning that nearly paralyzed me.  As we sat at our local French Bistro eating our egg sandwich with red potatoes chased down by fresh coffee and freshly squeezed orange juice surrounded by William Morris' finest (the bistro is down the street from WMA's Beverly Hills headquarters) sitting in the sun burning up time on their PDA's and looking resplendent in their business-best (even their girls look hot) I thought to myself, "Gee, you know, I should be enjoying this..."

But I was filled with dread.

Normal, typical, 'stage fright'.  I get this way every time we do this which is hilarious considering  I've been interviewing people since I was 19.

At the root it comes down to the fact that I don't feel 'worthy'.  I feel--in some silly way--like George Hamilton or Cedric the Entertainer or Anita Pointer or Nigel Lythgoe are somehow 'better' than me.

It's insecurity, it's pride, it's silly.

But the fear--in the moment--is real and it makes you eat no more than 2/3's of your fabulous sandwich and makes you want to run for the hills.

That's a part of a performers' life.

"What if they don't like me?"  "What if we don't connect?"  "What if it's a waste of time?" "What if they reject me?"

All these thoughts and more race through your mind, seeming like voices insisting that you're going to fail.

And in that moment you have a decision to make.

Cave or rise.

Admit defeat or stand up and do what you've been made to do.

No matter what it is that you do with your life I'm sure you face similar fears to mine.  I figured I'd admit to you how hard my day was today because of one simple thing.

It ended well.

The interviews went great, and even Cedric the Entertainer (AND his publicist, which is always the toughest part...) were really happy, impressed and encouraging.

And that same result can and will be yours, by times, as you decide, with me...

To rise.

T

my life...

So I'm in Beverly Hills.

One 15-hour trip later.

Seriously, we were in-transit for 15 hours door to door yesterday from the time I left my house west of Toronto, drove to Buffalo, got stuck behind a full 'search and seizure' of a car at the border, got onto our delayed flight to Philly, arrived in Philly, waited for three hours, got on the plane, sat on the tarmac for another hour and almost a half, flew five and a half hours to Los Angeles on a totally packed U.S Airways (my least favorite) plane, landed at LAX, taxied, waited for the gate guy to let our plane pull up to the jetway, got off, found a cab, drove at breakneck speed into Beverly Hills and checked into our...

Hotel.

(at the equivalent of 2:00am our time)

Fifteen hours.

Oh man.

Then we walk to our favorite little French pastry shop for breakfast this morning and my wife calls me freaking out because the bank is up to its usual shenanigans and the kids are driving her nuts and I didn't call her during my layover ('cause my Executive Producer was feeling 'talky' and we were deep in conversation the whole time and I didn't think to call 'cause I thought she'd said she'd be out most of the day...) and she thought I was dead and I'm in Beverly Hills and she's lonely and she hates when I travel and I didn't call.

Sheesh.

I told my EP it's like I hit my wife's three 'hot buttons' (money issues, me away= her alone, and being non-communicative) all at the same time.

Classic.

Sorry baby.

Sometimes I just get into my own headspace and don't think about anything but getting through it and that makes me act in ways that harm those around me.

'Total depravity' anyone?

Yes, that's me.  Basically selfish and inconsiderate left to my own devices.

Today I'll sit on that there balcony pictured above and study for my interviews, ten tomorrow and twelve (if you can believe it) on Thursday.

Then I'll do another 12-14-hour day flying home Friday, get to bed by 2:00am and be up at 8:00am for a family photo session with my extended family Saturday morning at 9:00am.

It's like I keep saying and keep reminding myself and maybe you.

You just keep putting one foot in front of the other and doing your best moment by moment and try not to stress about the rest.

I'm thirty five and have been doing my bi-vocational (preacher/producer) thing for basically 16 years now and I still feel like each day is a stretch, each day is a learning curve, each day brings with it some joy and much sorrow and stress and I never 'really' feel like I'm getting anywhere which is why you and I need to be so very sure that we're doing the thing we're called to do 'cause imagine if you took all of the above and the common denominator under it wasn't 'calling' but 'rat race'.

I can't imagine.

Here's hoping you can't either.

T

spend it with your wife...

I was thinking about my last post, in fact, I've been thinking about it quite a bit yesterday and today and so have some of my readers--and they've been letting me know about it.

I got a few "Which one am I?  Am I the lazy one?" phone calls yesterday and today.  Funny. Fortunately none of said callers were the ones I was thinking of.

Anyway, the title of the post struck me again just now.

The whole question of how one should go about living one's life.  And I thought...

"You should live it with your wife."

That's mine up there.  Taken less than an hour ago on date night downtown.

She's cute right?

And she's mine, and I love her and we're happy together.

And, just like that, I thought about those of you who aren't yet married, haven't yet made that lifetime decision but have someone in your life who you love.  You just haven't taken the leap yet.

I thought I might share my perspective with you.  Thought I might say that a man who finds a wife finds a good thing.

If you choose well, and spend your life in her service, she'll make almost everything better.

Just in case you were toying with the idea of 'manning up' and popping that question or calling that girl back or asking her out for the first time.

I say, 'go for it'.

You 'aint gettin' no younger...

T

how to spend your life...

Well lookie what we have here...

Gifts.

(from under our tree 2008)

And, chances are, you have a few of 'em.

Gifts.

Things that you've been gifted to do.  Special abilities or talents.  A thing you can do better than almost anyone else you know.

Know what yours are?

Here's the thing.

Can you make money off of doing that thing you've been gifted to do?  Does there currently exist in the World (or does there seem soon to be) a way for you to take the thing you do and get it out there in the World to people who will give you money in exchange for you taking the time to make and give them that thing?

If your answer is 'yes'--hooray for you--you have the chance to live a life fulfilled.  

'Cause you and I both know it's much better to spend your life doing something you love in exchange for money than to spend it punching someone's else's clock trading away nothing but the hours of your life for pay.

But, even if your answer is 'yes', you have something to worry about.

What if you're good at more than one thing?

What if you're 'called' or 'gifted' to do something but 'talented at' or 'able to do' many things and (to make matters worse) what if the things you 'can' do are higher paying or more fame or ease inducing or praise begetting than the thing you 'must' do?

What if you exchange calling for perceived success/riches/fame/acceptance and ease?

You're in trouble if you do that.

So, if you have a 'gift' make sure you keep it in front of your eyes all the days of your life and just decide to 'do' that gift regardless of every other pressure that rises up to try and assail you.

Now, what if you have a 'gift' but can't make money off it?

Well then, find the best, most fulfilling 'job' (where you trade your skills and time for money) you can, do it well and find ways in the rest of your life to exercise your 'gift'.

You'll probably be alright if you do that.

But...

What if you have a 'gift' but you're lazy or fearful?

What if you so fear rejection that you just can't find a way to take that step of faith out into an arena where you display your gift for all to see?  Well, if you never try--you're right--you'll never get rejected but you'll be sure to fail because to never try is to fail.

But if you're lazy?

Imagine, someone clearly gifted to do a thing that no one else can do.  Imagine that person knew they were gifted and others knew it too.  Imagine though that that person decided that instead of making the sacrifices necessary to pursue their gifting they'd prefer to just take it easy, spend time on the couch and lying in the sun, eating out and lazing away their days in contemplation.

Do you think they'd be happy?  I don't think so, because to be truly called to a thing and never do it seems a denial of an essential truth of your personhood (never mind of your Maker...) and that kind of rejection can't be easy to live with no matter how 'nice' your life seems otherwise.

More importantly, can you imagine how impoverished their circle of relationships, and in the case of someone exceptionally gifted, their community, country and perhaps even an entire culture would be because they weren't able to 'man up' and do the thing they were placed on the planet to do?

I have two friends I'm thinking of as I write this.

Both are gifted.

One is doing what it takes (and suffering mightily for it) to make a way in the World with his gift.

The other is lazing away his days, thinking about things, but never stepping up to the plate and hanging 'em out there.

I learn from each.

The one inspires me.

The other inspires fear in me.

The end result--for me--is a deepening humility wherein I buckle down and commit and re-commit to being and doing who and what I've been made to be and do.

How 'bout you?

T