Thanksgiving...

I do realize I'm not American and will confess to the fact that I 'feel' American and often wish to be.

It's just that we've always celebrated American Thanksgiving in addition to the Canadian one. Pretty good deal huh?  Two turkeys, two apple pies, two afternoon naps, then (on the second one) the endless NFL games.  Wonderful childhood memories.

This year, as father of my own family, we didn't really celebrate either.  We're not yet at the 'cook a turkey and a pie ourselves' stage.  Mostly our life is about trying to survive.

But I was online today at 'Wordplayer', a screenwriting community I'm part of, and had the chance to read a post I'd submitted earlier this year about the first public screening of my first feature-film, "THE STORM".  It was really healthy, and quite humbling, to see 1) how thankful I was post-screening and 2) how quickly I'd forgotten the joy/high of that moment of thanksgiving.

I happen to think that thanksgiving is the definition of what it means to be godly.  

So I repent.  For being ungrateful, for getting calloused, for losing my first love, for being un-childlike.

And on that front...

Was making breakfast this morning and talking with my wife about my eldest son who's as crazy and eccentric as all get out (and we have NO idea where he gets that from...) and who was in the process of storming upstairs 'cause I wouldn't let him put MJ's 'Thriller' on the iPod (he's become quite the fan) because Mommy and I typically like to listen to John Mayer when we cook breakfast.  I said to Nik, "Classic.  The child coming to grips with his utter powerlessness. Someday he'll be able to identify as he tells his kids that, no, they can't listen to 'jayden spears' because Daddy wants to listen to 'Thriller'."  

And then it hit me.

Maybe when the Bible's talking about us being like little children it's not just saying that we should exhibit all the great things kids exhibit (fearlessness, faith, hope, lovingkindness etc...) but maybe its telling us to get in touch with our utter powerlessness.

"Unless you embrace your utter helplessness/powerlessness, you cannot inherit the kingdom of Heaven..."

How you like them apples?

All this time.  All these years.  All those sermons.  And I'd missed that point.  

I am powerless.

Even as an adult, wielding power over my eldest son, my power is temporary, passing away, mostly an illusion.  There's a radical admission of weakness there that I'm not intuitively comfortable with.

And how can you be thankful, truly thankful, for something you deserve?  Isn't that the essence?  I've been given good things I don't deserve and for that-

I give thanks.

T