THE DAILY: weekend edition...

So I'm back in business.

(or so they tell me)

Back in front of the camera, which used to be all I did, but is something I haven't done for four years or so.

September 7th a new show I'm hosting and producing hits the airwaves and the ionosphere at www.thedailyweekend.ca.

I will admit to being more than a little nervous that first day walking up to the studio.  Ever since I was a kid I've had this weird thing that happens to me in advance of any big event--I just want to run for the hills.

I remember being scheduled to preach between sets at a Third Day concert back on September 12, 2001 (yes, the day after 9-11) and dreading it so much I was about to puke.  And it wasn't the 12,000 people that were going to be there, or the pressure, or the expectation, or the need to deliver something really spectacular and meaningful.

Nothing that sophisticated...

It was just dread.

I wonder if, deep inside, we're all just basically afraid of being rejected.

That's the thing, see, with being a performer.  Your stock in-trade is putting yourself out there, saying what you feel, from the heart, with all the passion and authenticity you can muster.  And, the thing is, sometimes people love what you have to say and love you for it and other times they hate what you have to say and hate you for it.  This whole 'don't kill the messenger' thing is a load of crap.  

The messenger is always the first one to be killed.

So when you find yourself getting ready to perform there's a good chance you'll want to run.

I've always felt that way.

And I'm here to tell you that you don't grow out of it.  You don't hit this magical 'place' in your career where you're not afraid anymore.  People are never going to stop rejecting you.  You just got to face the fact that not everyone's going to love you and there's nothing you can do about that and if you don't get over your dread, walk into that situation, and 'do' the thing you've been made and called to do, you're going to be miserable.

So pick your poison.

Be afraid of what people are going to think of you to the point that it stops you from doing what you've been called to do and spend your life feeling miserable and non-actualized.

Or...

Realize that people are people, some hate some love, and you can't do a thing to change that so you might as well spend your life doing the thing you were given life to do and the 'haters' can just go ahead and 'hate'.

I can't count the number of times I've had to face up to that one.  Chances are, if you're looking to live a life less ordinary, you will too.  I'm just here to tell you that the dread doesn't go away, even when things are 'looking up' as they say.

So from one frightened soldier to another...

Up and over that hill friend.  Up and over it.

T