The bridge to somewhere...

So that's how my life feels these days...

You're looking at the Capilano Suspension Bridge in North Vancouver, a beloved tourist destination in the city and, apparently, a World favorite.

My wife nearly lost her breakfast crossing it.

Seriously, she had to summon deep reserves of courage to get across.  Never mind that the thing's suspended hundreds of feet above a rocky canyon.  Never mind that there were dozens of people on the bridge with us at the same time.  It was the twisting and pitching that got her. It really did feel like it was going to twist and flip at any second and the whole 'Temple of Doom' sequence playing in our minds as we crossed didn't help either.

She made it though and continued to force herself into bravery as we did the 'tree tops tour' and our babies kept their eyes peeled for the Ewoks.

And here's the thing...

Life is scary.  Like crossing that bridge. 

Right now I've got multiple deals pending for next year plus two series that are hanging on the edge of breakdown--because we've added complexity, which in the long-run will be a good thing but which is nearly killing my stretched-to-the-limit staff--and because we're fighting for our lives trying to get the ratings we need while fighting off haters and politricktians (fugess) and the realities of putting together the number of shows we have to deliver each month.

In addition I've got a friend with whom I was developing a project who's right pissed at me right now over a delay in payment to him on my part.  The reasons seem reasonable to me and his anger seems reasonable to him and the upshot of it is I've got chest pain.  I feel very badly that I've let things get this bad and the honest reason for it is I had a deal fall through that I was counting on to help me with payment and when it fell through I got spooked and bailed and he's, rightly, angry with me about it.

It's a real mess.

So when I get home on Tuesday (I'm in Vancouver today through Monday) I'm going to put it right.  'Till then I've got this chest pain to fight through.  It sucks.

Added to that it looks like I'm going to have to move my family to Vancouver--which is a good thing 'cause it means all the ass-busting we've done production-wise this year has been 'worth it'--but the actual details of moving a family of six from a middle class neighborhood in southwestern Ontario (Toronto area) to downtown (or as near to is as possible 'cause the suburban traffic out here is NUTS!) Vancouver is twisty as all heck.  The costs alone are enough to push you to the edges of your faith.

Then I've got a network that I'm pitching on November 17th (on the Angel's concept...see my post below) with our first dramatic TV series.  Apparently they're quite hot on it (my Executive Producer had a good meeting on it yesterday) and that's even before I pitch 'em.  I'll try to post a concept-art shot for you a little later.  The thing is, if we get that deal, my life will go from it's current craziness to a whole other level.

Even if I get across the bridge I'm going to have all sorts of new heights to scale and new bridges to cross.

Just like my wife did on the Capilano...

The bridge is scary.  Chances are you've spent some time, or are spending some time, just staring at that chasm in your life thinking, "There's no way I can get across that."  I totally feel you.  You have three choices.  1) Walk away and live your life knowing that you couldn't/didn't face it.  2) Stand at that chasm thinking about it and wasting days/months/years of your life.  3) Cross it and see what happens.

Then, when you're on it, you'll find dozens of others there with you.  You'll be watching them, wondering about them, worrying they've got something you don't, some secret they know that they're withholding from you that's going to give them a leg up that'll help them 'beat' you.  You need to forget about them and focus on you.  Focus on your journey across the chasm, it's not about them, it's about you and what you've been called to do.

Then, you're going to freak 'cause, even though you've braved yourself onto the bridge, it's going to feel like it could flip you over at any second.  Well, you're right it might, but that's just the reality.  So, to mitigate against that you're going to want to rush across the chasm but, the reality is, some of the most beautiful things can only be seen while crossing above the chasm.  So, make sure that, in your fear, you don't miss out on all the little beautiful things that are yours to see along the way.

Then, when you get to the other side you're going to find out that you haven't 'arrived', instead, you're going to find out that you've got twenty more bridges to cross, these ones suspended between three hundred foot tall trees.

And you'll feel tired and scared and unsure of whether or not you've got what it takes to make it and you'll think you've already spent all your mojo and bravery but the second you start walking forward again you'll find that you do, in fact, have the strength to continue.  Plus you've already crossed the bridge so there's no turning back now.

Put yourself in the situation where faith is your only option.

Oh man, oh man, oh man.

Beats factory work though...

T