Life enema...

What is that...14...books?

Sermon books.

That's right. And I've got one in my briefcase right now so that makes 15 books.

Sermon books.

Dating back to 1994 if you can believe it.

Yes, we're moving, which means moving my office, which means making sure all my 'essential' files and hard drives and study books and notes and sermon books get moved.

Crazy.

Been doing this a while.

15 books.

That's a lot of preaching.

Another box has five (5) personal hard drives to go to the office to join (conservatively) another 20 drives that we have there.

That's a lot of producing.

I was well and duly reminded on the road today that, encroaching mid-life crisis notwithstanding, I HAVE *actually* found a way to DO a few things in my life. Sure, I've got lots left to do and learn but (for the first time maybe *ever*) I felt today like there MIGHT be a chance that I've not completely wasted my life or totally missed the boat.

I get to feeling that way sometimes.

You know, like Al Bundy?

That suburban dude who's landed in this *life* that he never wished for. Y'know how that feels?

Crappy.

"Quit whining..." you say.

Well, I see your point but I also see my life and the way it feels sometimes and the honest truth is that sometimes I don't like it. Sometimes I feel like a friggin' hamster on a treadmill and, seeing as our friend's hamster just died on his friggin' treadmill two weeks back, that doesn't make me feel too happy.

"Grow up..." you say. "Get some manliness..." you say. "Your self-serving navel-gazing is getting tiresome..." you say.

I see you point.

But here's how I deal with the feelings of despair and darkness, with that sense of 'you missed it', that fearful wondering if I'm ever *actually* going to MAKE IT.

I look back.

And see 15 sermon books and 25 hard drives.

Reminds me, I've done some work and I've got some work to do.

Number 1 reason we're moving?

To *act* out our faith that MORE is possible, that THIS isn't *all* there is, that the HORIZON *does* have something wonderful beyond it, that we have SOMEWHERE to go, that we *haven't* arrived...

That we still believe in the possible.

On with the move.

On with life.

On with dreaming.

On with sojourning.

On with achieving.

On with redemption.

On with writing.

On with preaching.

On with producing.

On with loving Jesus and my wife and my babies and my job(s) and my freakin' sailboat.

On with it.

T

Where is it?

Gotta' (gently) weigh in here.

Got shook up yesterday by a blog post I found via a friendly acquaintance of mine who's a fellow church planter. You can read the post HERE.

See?

Troubling.

Even if you've never planted a church you've surely started something that's failed.

The challenge with a church plant failing is that it's an extremely public failure and it's a failure that has impact in many (many) lives.

Publicly, you feel like an idiot and know that all your church planting peers are shaking their heads, thanking God it wasn't them, and some of them are thinking (if not saying) that you probably never 'had what it took' in the first place.

Terrifying.

Personally, you feel like an idiot for all the time, money, effort and heart people have expended to help you get something started that you couldn't see through to success.

You are a failure.

You suck.

That's how you're feeling.

Then the triage starts. "How can we fix this? What do we need to do to make the hurt go away? How can we save our reputation? What about that paycheck, where's the next one coming from? Do you think they HATE me? What is 'so-and-so' saying about me?"

Terrible.

Then the blog gets written, taking a look back, trying to figure out where it started to go wrong. Other church planters get on it, start passing it around, like pictures of a car wreck. Pretty soon everybody knows. "Hey aren't you that guy who failed in __________?"

Yeah, that's me.

Wanna' give me a job? I swear I won't fail this time. I've learned my lesson.

Really?

How do you know, I mean really know?

And in the midst of all the advice blog posts swirling around out there ("Do this, make sure you don't do that...") I find a gaping hole.

Nobody's talking about The Spirit.

Nobody's asking if their worship was FULL OF THE SPIRIT, if their preaching was fit to REND THE HEAVENS so soaked in the Ghost it was. If they prayed for the sick, the broken-hearted and hemmed-in on a regular basis and saw the Mighty Lord answer those prayers by times.

Nobody's talking about CHARISMA! The real kind, not your personal magnetism, but the MAGNETIC, ENERGETIC, FRENETIC, CACOPHONIC, Presence of the Most High God at work in your work.

Seems to me if you got the Ghost you're going to be fine. If you don't you're dead, no matter how hip, or focused, or visionary, or well-managed, funded, or planned you are.

"But believers are all filled with the Holy Spirit upon conversion..."

Yeah, yeah.

In-dwelled by the Spirit.

I'm talking about the ANOINTING, IN-FILLING, BAPTISING, GIFTING, MANIFEST Presence of the Holy Spirit at work in the midst of His people for the Father's glory, His people's salvation and joy, and the good of all people.

Where is it?

WHERE'S THE FREAKIN' GHOST IN YOUR WORK, SON?

T

Back to the start...

Last Friday I hosted a local TV show based out of the studio in which I got my start as a TV host/producer almost 18 years ago.

'Eighteen years ago...'

Crazy.

Show was fun. It was 'open line' which means it was at least possible that no one would call which would have left me sitting there for an hour and a half staring at the camera. 

Nightmare. 

But, that didn't happen. We had non-stop calls all night.

We were talking sex.

Well, sex and marriage.

Always a great 'go to' topic if you're looking to create media that begets a reaction.  

And a reaction we begot.

My blog (this here one) and my church's website spiked HUGE in the four or five days following my appearance. Literally thousands of visits in less than a week. 

Means people were watching and talking about it.

Cool.

It was fun for me to go back to the first format I ever dipped my toe into as a TV guy.  I was still good at it, in fact, all these (18) years later I slipped into using the same catchphrases I used to use to elicit phone-in response.

Funny.

The brain is like a muscle, it has memory.

The upshot for me was another affirmation (or stern reminder) that I 'inhabit' a very specific 'zone' in terms of my area of giftedness in show biz.  The upshot of that realization is twofold, 1) try to keep finding contexts that suit my limited ability and 2) work very hard when I'm in a setting that is outside of my area of giftedness.  

Just 'cause you're not 'gifted' at something doesn't mean you have to 'suck' at it but it does mean that you have to compensate for your lack of natural ability with tenacity, work ethic, focus and follow-through.

Anyway, t'was fun and a real learning experience.

You can enjoy the opener (and a laugh at my expense) HERE.

T

R-RATED MARRIAGE

Remember THIS post?

I'm talking about it RIGHT NOW (1-2:30am EST)  *live* on CTS TV.  

For local listings check HERE, and HERE.

I'm also be tweeting throughout the program.

You can also EMAIL me:

toddc@tmginc.com

Would love for you to stop by on the phone to help me spice things up a bit.

T

Like flies to honey...

See that dude to the left of frame?

He's busy rushing the set of one of the music videos I produced this weekend. When he gets there he'll grab the artist-mid performance-then start screaming at us for making noise at night (despite our permit from the city to be there doing just that) and refuse to leave the set for 30minutes.

I had to call the cops.

I feel like I attract crazy people these days.

Is it my fault? Maybe. Maybe it's 'cause I'm so good looking, or nice, or well-spoken? Maybe it's because I'm so mean, self-focused and determined.

Dunno'.

Once the cops got there, things got better.

The flame effects were pretty cool though...

And the artist (in the middle above) and Director, whose shoot this was (pictured on the dolly foreground) were both happy with things which means I might get to work with them again and might get to keep their friendship despite the fact of working together.

That can be a thorny one.

In fact, I've been bitten in the butt more times working with friends than I have with crazy people storming my sets or my church.

Crazy.

Sometimes, I get to feeling a bit tired of it. Tired of causing friction, tired of being a 'lightning rod'.  Some days I think a factory job might be nice.  The machines don't talk back (I know this--I worked at the Mississauga Pepsi plant for a few months back in the day) and the paychecks come nice and regular.

But, the day inevitably came where I got 'ahead' of the machine and had some time to rip off a piece of cardboard from a Pepsi 24-case and write down on it my goals for the next ten years (2000-2010).

Since 2010 is almost done, I figured I'd revisit that list sometime soon for you.

But today, I gotta' rest a bit.

The crazy people have made me tired.

T

doin' work...

Getting busier over here.

The last two weeks have fair flown by.  Friday/Monday past I was helping a friend of mine with one of his core clients. We used our studio for the shoot. T'was fun to see the space being used. 

(for clarity we don't *own* the studio but have an ongoing relationship set up with the owners that allows us to use it for the work we do...)

Yesterday I had a major meeting with one of Canada's most powerful TV executives.  I was really looking forward to sitting down with him; it's not everyday you get to meet a guy whose work has influenced your work.

Fun times.

The meeting went well, we connected, he was pleased with the work we're doing for him and my sense of things is that we might have some more work to do for him in the near future.

Meanwhile, over at THE WELL, we've finally seemed to get some 'post summer momentum' back.  Our last two weeks have seen us back up to pre-summer numbers and that's a real mercy. For a while there (like since May) we were wondering if I'd killed the church or something.

Anyhow, it 'feels' like this momentum might stay with us through Christmas.

I also started workshopping a couple new feature film concepts with a very talented writer-friend of mine.  The upside of this one is that my Executive Producer already has an 'output deal' in place for the films we'll create from these scripts.  The downside is the budget attached to this output deal is comically small.  We're going to find a way to do it, just for the sake of doing it--to keep practicing and getting better and putting work 'out there'.

I'm a guest tonight on a local late-night phone in talk show (like the one I hosted when I got my start in TV) and it looks like I'm going to guest-host it on Friday the 12th of November, which should be fun.

The idea that's been really sticking with me the past few weeks (and I've been hit with it before) is the whole notion that 'doing work' is simple, humble, faithfulness-requiring stuff.

Like laying bricks.

So whether it's been teaching a 'Christianity: 101' class with all my heart to a very small room, or preparing my sermon like it really matters, or carrying a tripod like a PA, or supervising a story meeting or pitching a mogul in my best "My don't you look like a cutting-edge writer/producer" outfit...

I'm just faithfully trying to (as my super-successful friend puts it) do an 'honest day's work' each and every day.

Layin' bricks.

T