The proof is in the picture...

Figured I'd throw a still from the trailer I finished yesterday up here for you to see.

This is from the 'mock-trailer' for 'DEATH'S DOOR' a new dramatic TV series we're pitching later this month.  I've blogged a bit about it in earlier posts.

I'm feeling the great nervousness that always comes from getting ready to put your heart out there to get stomped on.  It's such a weird deal.  You do your best to put the best of you into the work you're doing and then you put that work out there in front of people who've put nothing into it and you wait to see how they'll react.

It's like torture.

There's always a very real chance that they won't love it and that you'll have to take that rejection and turn it into motivation.

Then again, there's the slight chance they'll LOVE it and you'll get to turn your imagination into a piece of 'reality' that will fire up other people's imaginations, inspire them to dream, etc.

And that off-chance is worth the rejection.

And that's true in my life as a producer and in your life as a _________.

Just because she might say 'no' doesn't mean you shouldn't ask her out on that date.  She might say 'yes'.  Just because they might think your idea is 'dumb' doesn't mean you shouldn't put it forward at that next board meeting.  Just because your family will think you're 'crazy' for quitting your job to pursue your passion doesn't mean that you actually will have lost your mind.  

But if you don't take the leap you just might lose your dream.

Which would you rather have?

T

The process...

Looks like I live my life surrounded by screens, right?

You wouldn't be half wrong.

Maybe we divide it into thirds.  A third of my life on airplanes.  A third on-set somewhere shooting something, a third of it in an edit suite somewhere surrounded by screens.

Or quarters...

1/4 airplane + 1/4 on-set + 1/4 edit suite + 1/4 with my wife and kids and our friends and family or in my office getting ready to go do the other 3/4's and you get a pretty accurate picture of what my life as a Producer/Director/Performer is like.

Sorry the above one's so lousy.  I took it on my iSight camera and, since it was taken in a darkened edit suite, it turned out grainy as all-heck.

But you get the idea.

*****

Tuesday.  Up at 4:00am, drive to the airport, fly to Vancouver, scout the neighborhood we'll be moving to for Jan-April 2009 and time the walk to the shopping district for my wife, visit the ocean and the sailboats 'cause I'm me, take the water taxi across the water, eat lunch, walk to the Hotel, settle in, walk to a building in the heart of downtown where we're hoping to put a production and post-production facility, meet the owner, see the space, tell him within ten seconds of being there that we'll take it.  Meet my editor, cut a mock-trailer for 'DEATH'S DOOR'  a new dramatic TV series we're pitching.  Finish by 10:30pm PST (one thirty for me) walk to the Hotel, sleep.

Wednesday.  Get up.  Taxi to the airport.  Ten degrees and sunny.  Arrive Toronto, minus five and snowing.  Sit in the traffic jam to end all traffic jams because it's the first snowstorm of the season turning what's usually a 35 minute drive into a two and a half hour ordeal.  Get home. Kiss my babies, put 'em to bed, have some Thai with Niki, try to work but can't 'cause I'm so fried.  Sleep.

Thursday.  Get up.  Drive downtown to Optix.  Sit down with my colorist/online editor Mark Driver (pictured above), import all the files from Tuesday into the system, order lunch, start working, eat lunch (they bring it to you on nice plates all heated up and out of it's delivery packaging) take a picture for you.

*****

So by the end of today I'll have the entire visual presentation for 'DEATH'S DOOR' done in high-definition and ready to have sound put to it.  "Putting sound to it" will entail spending a session with (more screens and) my composer, first laying down a voiceover track, then mixing it and adding in sound effects to 'thicken' the whole thing up.  Once that's done the soundtrack will be laid back over the final picture giving me what I like to call...

"The Six Million Dollar Pitch".

And it was hilarious the reaction I got from my Executive Producer the first time I laid that title on him--he got all nervous, like 'What do you mean six million dollars?'--and I told him, 'No man, like we show this to them and they give us six million dollars.'

He sighed then said--like any good EP would--'Yeah right and good luck with that'.

But that's the business I'm in.

(and once they give me six million dollars I'll give you the most smokin', awesome, scary, uplifting, redemptive, honest, authentic, supernatural TV series ever--coming Fall 2009 [DV]...)

See, I come up with, construct, then tell stories that, hopefully, move people to action.

(first the execs give me money, then hundreds of collaborators bust their butts for a year or more, then the thing hits TV and, hoping beyond hope here, millions of people like you watch the thing and the truths of it sink down into their hearts and start changing things for them from the inside...)

Same thing when you're preaching.  You construct then tell a story based on an original work and hope that your interpretation is applicable in your audience's life to the point that they up and change something in their actual life.

Same thing when you're building your life.  You come to an 'image' of what you want your life to be and, whether it's just you or you and a partner or you and a family, you 'tell' that story to yourself (at least mentally) and share the reality of that story with those around you hoping that, as you think on it and begin living it, it actually starts coming alive in your actual life.

A friend of mine puts it's this way: "You don't get what you wish for.  You get what you picture."

And I think he's kinda' onto something there.

Which leads me to ask you...

What are you picturing?  What kind of marriage?  What kind of sex-life?  What kind of kids? What kind of job?  What kind of legacy?  What kind of home? What kind of God? What kind of boat? What kind of ice-cream for later tonight?

Yes, we are in fact, that mix of mundane and magical; thoughts of God and butterscotch ripple all rolled into one.  Dust and Divinity.

And that beautiful mix--which is sometimes a mess--is the hallmark of what it means to be human.

And that's the stuff of our lives.  The stuff of our myths and legends.  The stuff of our scriptures. The stuff of faith and story.

The stuff worth shouting from a pulpit.  The stuff worth putting on a screen.  The stuff worth putting into your life.

T

The light at the end of the tunnel...

Can I just give a 'shout out' for a minute?

(No, not to Neal Stephenson and his latest novel 'Anathem' from which the above shot is bit, though you should check the book for real...)

To the creative process.

Yes, a shout out to the muse, The Spirit, that divine spark.

So, I spend the last two days basically farting around.  Part of that is due to extreme (borderline burnout) fatigue and general transitional-listlessness and another part is because I need to be creative.  Of course, anyone who does any kind of consistently-creative work knows that you can't really manufacture creativity.  Sure, you can cultivate work-ethic, you can invite the muse (see 'The War of Art' shout out of Jeff C. Kelly on that one...) but, at the baseline, you can't really force the muse to do anything for you.  

Then, two hours ago, I sit down and SLAM out two huge, new, life-changing, multi-hundred thousand dollar impacting treatments in twenty minutes flat.

The Spirit does what The Spirit will.

And we're just along for the ride.

So you are likely to spend several days at a time, maybe longer, feeling like your life is going nowhere and, depending on the relative (in)security of your life, you'll feel like your inaction is slowly dooming you to a rapid demise.

I'm here to remind you to 'chill out and trust the process.

I just said to my wife that I'm amazed to have been working with myself for all these years and to still find myself uncomfortable with and scared by the creative process in my life.

I think it comes down to a general unease with the lack of control that is assumed in any creative pursuit.

If you can't make it happen, you can't make it happen.

You can work, you can put yourself in the position to work, you can listen and be sensitive but you can't make it happen.

Remember that it will.

Happen.

So, don't rush into writing that script.  Until you can 'see' the thing--fully formed--in your head, wait.  Until that proposal fair 'sings' with passion and urgency in your mind, don't pitch it to your boss.  Wait.  Don't pop the question yet.  Wait.  Don't force it.  Wait.  Don't fret about it either.  Just wait.  Read the passage and wait for it to sing to you.  Wait to see what The Spirit is saying to His Church...

If there is a Creator and/or if our creative impulses are rooted in a greater creativity than is ours alone you must assume that the very nature of sometime-creativity suggests that creativity is and that means that creativity will come to you.

As you wait.

T

The Tree of Life...

It haunts my dreams.  A tree in the depths of a garden.  A tree that, if you eat from it, will allow you to live with the Master, forever...

If you believe the stories, our first father and mother were banished from the garden because the Master feared we'd reach out and take from the tree and live, in our rebellion, forever.

So we were cast out.

And have been wanderers since.

Longing to go home.

That's a central theme (maybe THE central theme) in a new TV series I'm developing.  The idea that we all want to go home.  We may not even be sure where home is but we have this bone-deep sense that home is and is out there somewhere or somewhen. 

And we must find it.

I often think that my constant missing of wife and babies is echo of a greater missing.  I was so lonely for home on my recent trip that I cracked open the ubiquitous Gideon Bible in my hotel room and rekindled my long-time pastor habit of spending time in the NT, OT and Psalms each day.

T'was like balm for the soul.

Funny, you know, I've preached about it dozens of times and have even mentioned how easy it is to forget, but I still forget the simple truth that, through spending time with those ancient stories and in worship (however structured or non-structured) the person of the Master touches me.

And I find comfort in that, because that touch is the touch of 'Daddy' and where He is, is home.

That deep sense of longing is what gets me in entertainment.

And I'm quite the sap.  Took my kids to see 'High School Musical 3' and cried my way through parts of it.  "Man, this guys a sissy..." or this man's a guy in touch with a longing for home.  I feel frequently disconnected from the garden where it all began where (if you believe the stories) they say the Master used to walk with our first father and mother in the cool of the day.

An evening stroll.

My cells miss that stroll.

And so, whenever love or longing or belonging or the search are portrayed with honesty on the screen, it gets to me 'cause it reminds me of the tree in the heart of the garden where we used to be...

At home.

Put that longing back in your sermons friends.  Put it in your stories.  Salve it with reading the story and rediscovering worship in the midst of the mundanity of your ordinary life.

'Cause you were meant for more than just this.

T

A new world...

Oh man, I miss my wife...

It's the nighttime that's the worst.

So here are those concept art pieces I said I'd post...

That's the catacombs beneath Central Park where the Angels have carved holes in the walls to keep the scrolls they've been writing since the fall.  They write the scrolls because, in the fall, their memories were damaged.  They have no clear recollection of what happened to them. They're trying to piece cosmic history back together so that they can learn what happened and in the hopes that they might figure out their destiny 'cause some of them still hope for redemption...
He's planting a sapling he took from the outskirts of Eden in the wilderness that will one day become the North American continent.  The sapling is the first tree in what will one day be Central Park in the heart of New York City.

Pretty cool.  Can't wait to pitch it.  Hope they'll want it and that, before too long, I'll find myself on a green-screened soundstage with a desert foreground and fans and billowing sand and an actor about to plant a tree in it.

I hope.

T

The bridge to somewhere...

So that's how my life feels these days...

You're looking at the Capilano Suspension Bridge in North Vancouver, a beloved tourist destination in the city and, apparently, a World favorite.

My wife nearly lost her breakfast crossing it.

Seriously, she had to summon deep reserves of courage to get across.  Never mind that the thing's suspended hundreds of feet above a rocky canyon.  Never mind that there were dozens of people on the bridge with us at the same time.  It was the twisting and pitching that got her. It really did feel like it was going to twist and flip at any second and the whole 'Temple of Doom' sequence playing in our minds as we crossed didn't help either.

She made it though and continued to force herself into bravery as we did the 'tree tops tour' and our babies kept their eyes peeled for the Ewoks.

And here's the thing...

Life is scary.  Like crossing that bridge. 

Right now I've got multiple deals pending for next year plus two series that are hanging on the edge of breakdown--because we've added complexity, which in the long-run will be a good thing but which is nearly killing my stretched-to-the-limit staff--and because we're fighting for our lives trying to get the ratings we need while fighting off haters and politricktians (fugess) and the realities of putting together the number of shows we have to deliver each month.

In addition I've got a friend with whom I was developing a project who's right pissed at me right now over a delay in payment to him on my part.  The reasons seem reasonable to me and his anger seems reasonable to him and the upshot of it is I've got chest pain.  I feel very badly that I've let things get this bad and the honest reason for it is I had a deal fall through that I was counting on to help me with payment and when it fell through I got spooked and bailed and he's, rightly, angry with me about it.

It's a real mess.

So when I get home on Tuesday (I'm in Vancouver today through Monday) I'm going to put it right.  'Till then I've got this chest pain to fight through.  It sucks.

Added to that it looks like I'm going to have to move my family to Vancouver--which is a good thing 'cause it means all the ass-busting we've done production-wise this year has been 'worth it'--but the actual details of moving a family of six from a middle class neighborhood in southwestern Ontario (Toronto area) to downtown (or as near to is as possible 'cause the suburban traffic out here is NUTS!) Vancouver is twisty as all heck.  The costs alone are enough to push you to the edges of your faith.

Then I've got a network that I'm pitching on November 17th (on the Angel's concept...see my post below) with our first dramatic TV series.  Apparently they're quite hot on it (my Executive Producer had a good meeting on it yesterday) and that's even before I pitch 'em.  I'll try to post a concept-art shot for you a little later.  The thing is, if we get that deal, my life will go from it's current craziness to a whole other level.

Even if I get across the bridge I'm going to have all sorts of new heights to scale and new bridges to cross.

Just like my wife did on the Capilano...

The bridge is scary.  Chances are you've spent some time, or are spending some time, just staring at that chasm in your life thinking, "There's no way I can get across that."  I totally feel you.  You have three choices.  1) Walk away and live your life knowing that you couldn't/didn't face it.  2) Stand at that chasm thinking about it and wasting days/months/years of your life.  3) Cross it and see what happens.

Then, when you're on it, you'll find dozens of others there with you.  You'll be watching them, wondering about them, worrying they've got something you don't, some secret they know that they're withholding from you that's going to give them a leg up that'll help them 'beat' you.  You need to forget about them and focus on you.  Focus on your journey across the chasm, it's not about them, it's about you and what you've been called to do.

Then, you're going to freak 'cause, even though you've braved yourself onto the bridge, it's going to feel like it could flip you over at any second.  Well, you're right it might, but that's just the reality.  So, to mitigate against that you're going to want to rush across the chasm but, the reality is, some of the most beautiful things can only be seen while crossing above the chasm.  So, make sure that, in your fear, you don't miss out on all the little beautiful things that are yours to see along the way.

Then, when you get to the other side you're going to find out that you haven't 'arrived', instead, you're going to find out that you've got twenty more bridges to cross, these ones suspended between three hundred foot tall trees.

And you'll feel tired and scared and unsure of whether or not you've got what it takes to make it and you'll think you've already spent all your mojo and bravery but the second you start walking forward again you'll find that you do, in fact, have the strength to continue.  Plus you've already crossed the bridge so there's no turning back now.

Put yourself in the situation where faith is your only option.

Oh man, oh man, oh man.

Beats factory work though...

T

Me and a Hero...

Yup' that's me and 'the man' Dr. Robert Schuller, founder of 'The Crystal Cathedral' and 'The Hour of Power' one of the World's most-watched spiritual broadcasts.

My Grandma's going to freak when she hears about this.

That her grandson got to interview Dr. Schuller is about as close to wonderful as things get in her world.  

And it was pretty cool for me too.  See, his biography was the first biography I ever read.  I was a young teenager at the cottage one summer and Dr. Schuller's big red book jumped off my grandpa's bookcase at me and I read it front to back in a sitting or two.  

It was totally riveting.

The story of a young man with a dream and the story of how his dream became a reality.

Totally inspiring stuff.

And here's what I thought you should know.

1) I was terrified before starting my 'marathon interview day' in L.A.  So scared I'd screw it up or I'd lack inspiration or the stars would pull a hissy-fit ruining the whole day or the gear would break or our team would get into a steel cage match fight with each other--seeing as they hold such diverse views on what's 'right' and what's 'wrong' and all--or some such thing.  I was freaked out of my skull.  So, next time you're freaked out of your skull, do the thing anyway.

2) Dr. Schuller is a hero 'cause he deserves to be.  Possessed of an uncanny intelligence, a relentless drive and a deeply authentic passion for people, he's the real deal and deserves whatever accolades he gets.  If you (or I) want to be a person worthy of respect, we ought to get busy livin' and bustin' our asses to achieve that thing we dream of.  Nobody gets anywhere on the power of an idea alone.  

3) I was able to connect in a deep way with him and with the rest of our guests.  That means that you have the ability to do that thing that you think you're meant to do.  So long as you work and work and work at it and suffer long for it and keep at it and keep at it and keep at it and fight your way through the fear you can do whatever you wish.  I know that sounds cliche and 'pop-motivational' but I felt it to be true the other day as...

Lil' 'ol me did a thing I'd often dreamed of but had never yet done at that level.

Cavorting with giants and heroes.  

And all along the way my fear kept me humble and thankful and once it was done I felt grateful.

Fear.  Humility.  Gratitude.

Three good things to hold on to.

T