I'm having to pay for it for a really long time...

Okay, so I'm an inveterate pop-culture guy.

Yes I am.

And I like Britney Spears.

So I watched her bio-flick tonight, an hour and a half of it.  What struck me about it was her loneliness and sense of isolation.  Very interesting to see her comment on how long it's taking her to 'pay off' her bad-times-debt.

I feel a deep sense of empathy and compassion for her.

As I walked to the bathroom during a commercial break, here's what struck me.  She had expressed a deep desire for 'normalcy'.  She said that the things she really wants are the little things, "To be part of the people..."  To be able to go for a fall walk.

So two points for us to consider.

1) Once you've got more money than you can ever spend, your desire, sense of need, will transition to whatever it is that you don't have.  We must recognize that a certain 'emptiness' is part and parcel of the human condition.  Recognize what will fill it and what won't.  Remember to keep the things that won't fill it in their proper place and don't allow yourself to move from fixation to fixation.

2) She wants a fall walk.  You get to go for fall walks.  Be thankful for the small graces you have.  Truly, deeply, deliriously thankful for all the little beauties in your life.

She said her fantasy is an island getaway with her babies and a man.

A man.

We're all looking for someone to love us and to love.

If you have found that person, remember to hold hard to them.  Resist your selfish impulses. Stop being a dick.  Love her.  She's glorious.  She could be gone in a flash.  Millionairesses want what you have.

Love her.

Remember that the people around you, those you pass on the street each day, are suffering just like Ms. Spears.  Sure in different ways.  Sure on a different scale.  But pain is pain and the World around you is full of it.

So, if you get to preach next week, remember that pain and remember to find and preach (from your heart) an answer to it and for it.

If you're writing, producing, directing a story, remember that pain and address it.  Show it, speak to it, deal with it, kill it, bring your audience through to the light.

'Cause 'aint nobody as wants to stay sad.

No you, not me, not our girl Britney.

T

The life of a (mini) mogul...

So that's about what my night's looking like...

NFL football in the background, some 'two bite' desserts in the foreground, and a bottle of australian shiraz in the middle of it all.

(no I'm not going to drink the whole bottle tonight)

All I need now is my wife...

Problem is, every time you combine my wife and I with a bottle of vino rosso, you end up with:

Four o' them rats right there.

Yes, I'm back in Vancouver, getting our new studio set up.  That's right, 'our' studio.  We've moved out of our digs at Shaw (and lasting love and respect and thanks go out to the ENTIRE team out there...) to a new spot in the heart of Yaletown, the coolest neighborhood in downtown Vancouver.  

I'll take some shots of it this week and post 'em for you to see.

There are a couple of things that are interesting about this transition that are, I think, SFS worthy.

First, the whole thing of our 'own' space is a 'trip' in and of itself.  For so long (nearly ten years) we've been way on the beggars end of the 'beggars can't be choosers...' spectrum.  We've been living and working in borrowed space on what seemed like borrowed time.  The very 'permanence' of a space that we've leased is a whole other level that I've often thought about but, now that it's here, feels weird.

Part of that is due to the fact that with the space comes a whole host of new headaches (like re-building it, re-powering it, figuring out how to light it, realizing that our set probably won't fit into it, etc...) and that goes to prove to us all, once again, that you never truly 'arrive'--there is no 'OZ' there is no light at the end of the tunnel.  Just another hill to climb.

Granted, said hill is in 'new territory' and that's exiting, but a hill is--after all--still a hill.

Second, whenever you do something for what you think are the right reasons you add heartache to the mix.  What's funny is that we've been working this whole studio angle to SAVE money but, I'm guessing that the very nature of our 'own' space has the people I work with suddenly thinking they can jockey for more money.  It's as if they psychically think that since we're getting our own space we MUST have more money somewhere we're not telling them about that they're determined to get their hands on.

Seriously, I've been fielding non-stop requests for more cash from my people for the past few weeks.  And what gets me down about that (and, some of them read this blog, so it's clearly not a point of 'personal' contention or something that I don't want out in the open) is that I don't have any more to give.  And the issue with that is that it's hard to keep people feeling happy and valued when your tangible ability to give them anything actual is severely limited.

The thing for all of us to consider here is that, ultimately, all the people around us see life ONLY from their own perspective.  And that's not something that ever changes.  Most people (all of us by times) are functioning on the level of 'self-interest' most of the time.  Sure, sometimes we do the right thing just for the sake of doing the right thing but, my sense of it (and, granted, my sense is limited...) is that we do the right thing mostly because we think it will help us out.

And it's okay (or maybe not 'okay' but natural...) to feel like we need to help ourselves because life is hard and we feel scared much of the time as we stare the urge to survive right in the face.

But, man, facing all that self-interest (in myself also) gets tiring and can make you very jaded very quickly and jadedness ultimately leads to loneliness because you feel like it's you against everybody else.

And if you let an adversarial attitude creep in you're in trouble.

The only thing I keep thinking of is that I need to try and stay humble and to give others the benefit of the doubt and to trust the process and (full disclosure) the Lord of the process who (I hope) is leading us in the right direction through it all.

The thing that I've learned sixteen years later (yes, I started doing this when I was 18) is that there's no point stressing too much about all the little things you can't control.  When it comes to showbiz and the business of building a Church or a life or a career the 'thing' you're working towards will generally happen because is HAS to.  If you just keep showing up, keep putting in the hours, keep bringing your talent to bear on the task at hand, keep doing your best in every given situation to do what you know in your heart (and with your mind) is the right thing, you'll generally be okay and the thing you need to have happen will, generally, happen.

It really does come down to hanging around long enough that it just starts happening.

Of course, nobody's going to let you hang around very long if you suck at the thing you're trying to do, but--assuming you're not totally useless--if you can stick it out long enough, you'll generally find yourself advancing as each year goes by.  Looking back you'll find that you know more, have experienced more, have suffered and survived more, have met more people who can positively impact your life and from whom you can learn, and generally you'll find yourself better equipped to do that thing that you've been built to do.

So long as you keep at it.

And keep at it.

And keep at it.

T

Such a hell of a day...

No, not that day.  That day was good.  That's why I'm putting the shot up here.  To remind me. That some days are better than others.  You do actually have a good day once in a while.

Yesterday was not one of those days.

Not a good one.

In fact, it was a hell of a day.  Really.

See, I forget that we're 'cursed'.  "Cursed?  What do you mean cursed?"  Well, I'm referring to the 'Eden Narrative' where our first parents, Adam and Eve, 'fell' into rebellion and were 'cursed' as a result.  All of a sudden, childbirth became much more painful and the Earth would conspire to yield thorns and rocks instead of compliant crops for Adam the farmer.

Basically a God-sized can 'o whup-yo-ass got opened on our parents and things have stayed that way ever since.

Even if you don't believe the old stories (which is totally fine, I'd be less than worth my salt if this blog was read only by people who all believe in a certain way...) you've got to admit that, most of the time, life seems to be much more difficult than we 'feel'--deep down in the guts of us--it ought to be.

It's just so damn hard sometimes.

Like yesterday.

It started out great, I had a wonderful post audio session with my composer putting sound to the pitch video for 'DEATH'S DOOR', the dramatic TV series we hope will be our next big narrative project.  The pitch is going to be powerful.  I'd be very surprised if it didn't make a strong impact on the Network we're pitching.

So I drove home on a cloud then descended to my basement office.

Might as well have been walking down into the abyss.  'Cause all hell's (literally) breaking loose in my talk-TV world.

See, here's the thing, (and these are 'trade secrets') every year around this time my Executive Producer and I get into our 'once a year fight'.  It's typically about money.  The reason is that it's this time of year that we're facing utter destruction on the one hand and an increase in our productivity on the other.

We, literally, might be ten-times busier in 2009 than we were in 2008, and that'd be great and terrifying at the same time.  There's also a chance--and figuring out how great a chance is a constant mind-game--that everything we're doing will fall-through leaving us, essentially unemployed next year.  And I have to plan--actually plan--for both eventualities.  

We all love planning for success, but how about planning for your utter demise?  How'd you like to spend your days doing that?

So You Think You Want To Be A Producer, Canada?

I mean, it's almost ridiculous to think that we could have done all the work we've done this past year to come up with a big 'ol goose egg in return.

Right?

But the thing is.  It's possible.  I remember the garden and that we're cursed.  I think about entropy and the fact that most things never seem to go your way.  I think about all the people out there who'd love to see me take a fall and wonder why they feel that way and shudder to think that I'm the kind of guy who might elicit that kind of reaction in people.  I think about God and His supposed goodness.  I say 'supposed' to let you in on my honest-to-goodness state of mind yesterday.  I'm sitting there, facing it, thinking to myself "Well, you know, really you've got no guarantees.  God didn't promise you a job.  God didn't promise you ease.  And, anyway, you might be deluded with this whole 'God-thing' anyway."

(I don't really think I am, but want to be 100% transparent in this forum re: my internal dialogue)

So I sit there really troubled and concerned.

And the trick is to get past it and get back to work.

You sit with your wife and watch 'So You Think You Can Dance Canada' and you eat some cereal with blueberries and you drink some red wine then you go to bed.  When your baby daughter wakes up at 2:30am you pick her up and carry her to Mommy then leave your bed to the both of them and crawl into the bottom bunk in your older daughter's room and spend a good half-hour trying to stop thinking about all the things you need to do and all the things that seem to be going wrong and all the things that might still go wrong and you, eventually, fall asleep.

Then you wake up troubled.  Not quite grumpy, but very pensive and afraid.  You make breakfast, clean up from it, have a second cup of coffee with your wife then go back down into the abyss to see if you can find some light in the midst of the darkness.

You work your way through in faith.

Believing in something you can't see.

Believing that you've been given what it takes to do the thing you've been given to do.

Believing that, in spite of how bleak everything looks, there will come a day again when the sun shines and the sky blues and the mountains look fake they look so good and you smile crookedly 'cause you know it's good now but probably won't be forever.

And that's life.

Woooo...saahhh...

T

Always learning...

So I'm always learning.

Today I'll be scouring the above book as I prepare for 1) a story meeting tonight 2) a Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday of feverish writing 3) a post-audio session Tuesday night and 4) a Network pitch Friday.

The book is all about creating dramatic TV series'.  This next step (providing it actually 'happens'...) is an interesting one for me since most of my 'show business' work has been in talk television series production with one produced feature film under my belt.

So with this new project I'll be mixing my years in talk-TV with my love for the narrative form.

I was reading an online resource the other day, one of those sites that claims to help writers 'make it' in TV, and noticed something about the 'checklist' they'd provided re: the steps necessary to getting your own TV series on the air.

Among the 'must-haves' listed:

1) Strong, long-standing, working relationship with the Network you're pitching to.

2) A proven track-record.

3) A great, or at least 'catchy' concept.

4) An infectious passion for the project.

And the thing that struck me was that I have all those things.  Very strange to find myself in that position.  I remember, like it was yesterday, deciding in 2002 that I was going to start writing for the screen.  I remember buying Syd Field's 'THE SCREENWRITER'S WORKBOOK' and reading it once like a book, a second time with a pen taking furious notes, and a third time doing the exercises and, like he said, I ended up with my first screenplay by the time I'd finished actually working my way through the book.

The script was called 'THREE NIGHTS AT SEA'.  I'll try to post a shot of it for you.

I also remember, Summer 2004, saying to my Dad that I thought it was time to make my break into directing.  Two winters later (Feb 2006) I was on-set directing my first feature-film from a script I'd written.  By that point, 'THE STORM' was the sixth or seventh feature-length screenplay I'd written.

Two years after that, just last month in L.A, I sat in a distribution meeting on said film and I may have some interesting news to report on that front very soon.

The Network that I'm pitching on Friday is one I've had a working relationship with, off and on, for ten full years.  It's only now that I'm in the position, after all of the above, where I have even a snow ball's chance in Cabo of this pitch being anything other than a colossal waste of time.

I was reading on Wordplayer, a wonderful screenwriting community, another post on how 'hard' it is to break into screenwriting.  Terry Rossio (genius screenwriter of 'Alladin', the 'Pirates of the Caribbean' franchise among so many others along with his writing partner Ted Elliot) was, again, saying that if you ever want to actually see your story made you basically need to become a director.

I believed that ten years ago.  It's very funny to be in the place today where it looks like that's starting, just starting mind-you and very tenuously at best, for me.

And that got me thinking, as it often does, about you.

What do you want to do?

Do you already 'know' the gatekeepers in your industry?  Have you been 'part' of their mix for a certain number of years?  If the answer is 'no' then you need to put yourself in that position now so that a few years from now you'll be able to answer 'yes' at which point you'll need to be sure that you...

Have the track-record to back your dreams up.  This doesn't mean you need to have done what you're looking to do, at the highest level, 'cause if you'd already done it you wouldn't be knocking on that door now would you?  So don't assume you need to be a 'pro' to get that gig. You do, however, need to be able to demonstrate that you have the proven ability to follow-through.  One of the problems with 'dream making' is that almost anyone can have a dream that they're passionate about.  Very few people have the ability to stick with and to that dream for a decade or more to see it birthed.  The gatekeepers will need to know they can trust you to follow through on whatever tangible investment it is that you're hoping they're going to make in you and they're only going to even start considering giving you that investment if...

Your concept is catchy.  This means you have to have something they want.  Something that's similar to what they know (historically) 'works' in their arena but still different or unique enough that they feel it'll have a chance to punch through all the pop-cultural 'noise' out there. You'll know your concept is catchy when you can't sleep at night 'cause the ideas keep coming and when everyone you tell it to responds with a 'Wow!  When can I see it?  That sounds GREAT!'  When even your classically taciturn business partner gets excited about it (something he NEVER does...) you'll know you're onto something.  Your final test is your wife.  If she thinks the thing's got legs (and mine still thinks it's a bit confusing but worth pursuing...) then you're good.

And if you get that far you'll have demonstrated that you have an infectious passion for the thing 'cause you'll have gotten all the above people excited about the thing you're thinking of birthing.

Needless to say, all of the above is true of launching a TV series or making a movie or planting a Church or starting a business or launching a new venture at work or taking that new job, whatever.

It's just important to realize that we're involved, here, in a process and that process is really the whole point.  Whether the pitch is picked up or not, whether your idea gets off the ground or not, the process you have to go through to get to the point of acceptance OR rejection is a process that will leave you the richer (as a person) for it and more able to impact those around you in a way that's hopefully a couple of degrees up from vacuous.

You get 'depth' or 'weight' as a person by doing the things you're dreaming of.  There is no such thing as wasted effort.

T

The proof is in the picture...

Figured I'd throw a still from the trailer I finished yesterday up here for you to see.

This is from the 'mock-trailer' for 'DEATH'S DOOR' a new dramatic TV series we're pitching later this month.  I've blogged a bit about it in earlier posts.

I'm feeling the great nervousness that always comes from getting ready to put your heart out there to get stomped on.  It's such a weird deal.  You do your best to put the best of you into the work you're doing and then you put that work out there in front of people who've put nothing into it and you wait to see how they'll react.

It's like torture.

There's always a very real chance that they won't love it and that you'll have to take that rejection and turn it into motivation.

Then again, there's the slight chance they'll LOVE it and you'll get to turn your imagination into a piece of 'reality' that will fire up other people's imaginations, inspire them to dream, etc.

And that off-chance is worth the rejection.

And that's true in my life as a producer and in your life as a _________.

Just because she might say 'no' doesn't mean you shouldn't ask her out on that date.  She might say 'yes'.  Just because they might think your idea is 'dumb' doesn't mean you shouldn't put it forward at that next board meeting.  Just because your family will think you're 'crazy' for quitting your job to pursue your passion doesn't mean that you actually will have lost your mind.  

But if you don't take the leap you just might lose your dream.

Which would you rather have?

T

The process...

Looks like I live my life surrounded by screens, right?

You wouldn't be half wrong.

Maybe we divide it into thirds.  A third of my life on airplanes.  A third on-set somewhere shooting something, a third of it in an edit suite somewhere surrounded by screens.

Or quarters...

1/4 airplane + 1/4 on-set + 1/4 edit suite + 1/4 with my wife and kids and our friends and family or in my office getting ready to go do the other 3/4's and you get a pretty accurate picture of what my life as a Producer/Director/Performer is like.

Sorry the above one's so lousy.  I took it on my iSight camera and, since it was taken in a darkened edit suite, it turned out grainy as all-heck.

But you get the idea.

*****

Tuesday.  Up at 4:00am, drive to the airport, fly to Vancouver, scout the neighborhood we'll be moving to for Jan-April 2009 and time the walk to the shopping district for my wife, visit the ocean and the sailboats 'cause I'm me, take the water taxi across the water, eat lunch, walk to the Hotel, settle in, walk to a building in the heart of downtown where we're hoping to put a production and post-production facility, meet the owner, see the space, tell him within ten seconds of being there that we'll take it.  Meet my editor, cut a mock-trailer for 'DEATH'S DOOR'  a new dramatic TV series we're pitching.  Finish by 10:30pm PST (one thirty for me) walk to the Hotel, sleep.

Wednesday.  Get up.  Taxi to the airport.  Ten degrees and sunny.  Arrive Toronto, minus five and snowing.  Sit in the traffic jam to end all traffic jams because it's the first snowstorm of the season turning what's usually a 35 minute drive into a two and a half hour ordeal.  Get home. Kiss my babies, put 'em to bed, have some Thai with Niki, try to work but can't 'cause I'm so fried.  Sleep.

Thursday.  Get up.  Drive downtown to Optix.  Sit down with my colorist/online editor Mark Driver (pictured above), import all the files from Tuesday into the system, order lunch, start working, eat lunch (they bring it to you on nice plates all heated up and out of it's delivery packaging) take a picture for you.

*****

So by the end of today I'll have the entire visual presentation for 'DEATH'S DOOR' done in high-definition and ready to have sound put to it.  "Putting sound to it" will entail spending a session with (more screens and) my composer, first laying down a voiceover track, then mixing it and adding in sound effects to 'thicken' the whole thing up.  Once that's done the soundtrack will be laid back over the final picture giving me what I like to call...

"The Six Million Dollar Pitch".

And it was hilarious the reaction I got from my Executive Producer the first time I laid that title on him--he got all nervous, like 'What do you mean six million dollars?'--and I told him, 'No man, like we show this to them and they give us six million dollars.'

He sighed then said--like any good EP would--'Yeah right and good luck with that'.

But that's the business I'm in.

(and once they give me six million dollars I'll give you the most smokin', awesome, scary, uplifting, redemptive, honest, authentic, supernatural TV series ever--coming Fall 2009 [DV]...)

See, I come up with, construct, then tell stories that, hopefully, move people to action.

(first the execs give me money, then hundreds of collaborators bust their butts for a year or more, then the thing hits TV and, hoping beyond hope here, millions of people like you watch the thing and the truths of it sink down into their hearts and start changing things for them from the inside...)

Same thing when you're preaching.  You construct then tell a story based on an original work and hope that your interpretation is applicable in your audience's life to the point that they up and change something in their actual life.

Same thing when you're building your life.  You come to an 'image' of what you want your life to be and, whether it's just you or you and a partner or you and a family, you 'tell' that story to yourself (at least mentally) and share the reality of that story with those around you hoping that, as you think on it and begin living it, it actually starts coming alive in your actual life.

A friend of mine puts it's this way: "You don't get what you wish for.  You get what you picture."

And I think he's kinda' onto something there.

Which leads me to ask you...

What are you picturing?  What kind of marriage?  What kind of sex-life?  What kind of kids? What kind of job?  What kind of legacy?  What kind of home? What kind of God? What kind of boat? What kind of ice-cream for later tonight?

Yes, we are in fact, that mix of mundane and magical; thoughts of God and butterscotch ripple all rolled into one.  Dust and Divinity.

And that beautiful mix--which is sometimes a mess--is the hallmark of what it means to be human.

And that's the stuff of our lives.  The stuff of our myths and legends.  The stuff of our scriptures. The stuff of faith and story.

The stuff worth shouting from a pulpit.  The stuff worth putting on a screen.  The stuff worth putting into your life.

T

The light at the end of the tunnel...

Can I just give a 'shout out' for a minute?

(No, not to Neal Stephenson and his latest novel 'Anathem' from which the above shot is bit, though you should check the book for real...)

To the creative process.

Yes, a shout out to the muse, The Spirit, that divine spark.

So, I spend the last two days basically farting around.  Part of that is due to extreme (borderline burnout) fatigue and general transitional-listlessness and another part is because I need to be creative.  Of course, anyone who does any kind of consistently-creative work knows that you can't really manufacture creativity.  Sure, you can cultivate work-ethic, you can invite the muse (see 'The War of Art' shout out of Jeff C. Kelly on that one...) but, at the baseline, you can't really force the muse to do anything for you.  

Then, two hours ago, I sit down and SLAM out two huge, new, life-changing, multi-hundred thousand dollar impacting treatments in twenty minutes flat.

The Spirit does what The Spirit will.

And we're just along for the ride.

So you are likely to spend several days at a time, maybe longer, feeling like your life is going nowhere and, depending on the relative (in)security of your life, you'll feel like your inaction is slowly dooming you to a rapid demise.

I'm here to remind you to 'chill out and trust the process.

I just said to my wife that I'm amazed to have been working with myself for all these years and to still find myself uncomfortable with and scared by the creative process in my life.

I think it comes down to a general unease with the lack of control that is assumed in any creative pursuit.

If you can't make it happen, you can't make it happen.

You can work, you can put yourself in the position to work, you can listen and be sensitive but you can't make it happen.

Remember that it will.

Happen.

So, don't rush into writing that script.  Until you can 'see' the thing--fully formed--in your head, wait.  Until that proposal fair 'sings' with passion and urgency in your mind, don't pitch it to your boss.  Wait.  Don't pop the question yet.  Wait.  Don't force it.  Wait.  Don't fret about it either.  Just wait.  Read the passage and wait for it to sing to you.  Wait to see what The Spirit is saying to His Church...

If there is a Creator and/or if our creative impulses are rooted in a greater creativity than is ours alone you must assume that the very nature of sometime-creativity suggests that creativity is and that means that creativity will come to you.

As you wait.

T

The Tree of Life...

It haunts my dreams.  A tree in the depths of a garden.  A tree that, if you eat from it, will allow you to live with the Master, forever...

If you believe the stories, our first father and mother were banished from the garden because the Master feared we'd reach out and take from the tree and live, in our rebellion, forever.

So we were cast out.

And have been wanderers since.

Longing to go home.

That's a central theme (maybe THE central theme) in a new TV series I'm developing.  The idea that we all want to go home.  We may not even be sure where home is but we have this bone-deep sense that home is and is out there somewhere or somewhen. 

And we must find it.

I often think that my constant missing of wife and babies is echo of a greater missing.  I was so lonely for home on my recent trip that I cracked open the ubiquitous Gideon Bible in my hotel room and rekindled my long-time pastor habit of spending time in the NT, OT and Psalms each day.

T'was like balm for the soul.

Funny, you know, I've preached about it dozens of times and have even mentioned how easy it is to forget, but I still forget the simple truth that, through spending time with those ancient stories and in worship (however structured or non-structured) the person of the Master touches me.

And I find comfort in that, because that touch is the touch of 'Daddy' and where He is, is home.

That deep sense of longing is what gets me in entertainment.

And I'm quite the sap.  Took my kids to see 'High School Musical 3' and cried my way through parts of it.  "Man, this guys a sissy..." or this man's a guy in touch with a longing for home.  I feel frequently disconnected from the garden where it all began where (if you believe the stories) they say the Master used to walk with our first father and mother in the cool of the day.

An evening stroll.

My cells miss that stroll.

And so, whenever love or longing or belonging or the search are portrayed with honesty on the screen, it gets to me 'cause it reminds me of the tree in the heart of the garden where we used to be...

At home.

Put that longing back in your sermons friends.  Put it in your stories.  Salve it with reading the story and rediscovering worship in the midst of the mundanity of your ordinary life.

'Cause you were meant for more than just this.

T

A new world...

Oh man, I miss my wife...

It's the nighttime that's the worst.

So here are those concept art pieces I said I'd post...

That's the catacombs beneath Central Park where the Angels have carved holes in the walls to keep the scrolls they've been writing since the fall.  They write the scrolls because, in the fall, their memories were damaged.  They have no clear recollection of what happened to them. They're trying to piece cosmic history back together so that they can learn what happened and in the hopes that they might figure out their destiny 'cause some of them still hope for redemption...
He's planting a sapling he took from the outskirts of Eden in the wilderness that will one day become the North American continent.  The sapling is the first tree in what will one day be Central Park in the heart of New York City.

Pretty cool.  Can't wait to pitch it.  Hope they'll want it and that, before too long, I'll find myself on a green-screened soundstage with a desert foreground and fans and billowing sand and an actor about to plant a tree in it.

I hope.

T

The bridge to somewhere...

So that's how my life feels these days...

You're looking at the Capilano Suspension Bridge in North Vancouver, a beloved tourist destination in the city and, apparently, a World favorite.

My wife nearly lost her breakfast crossing it.

Seriously, she had to summon deep reserves of courage to get across.  Never mind that the thing's suspended hundreds of feet above a rocky canyon.  Never mind that there were dozens of people on the bridge with us at the same time.  It was the twisting and pitching that got her. It really did feel like it was going to twist and flip at any second and the whole 'Temple of Doom' sequence playing in our minds as we crossed didn't help either.

She made it though and continued to force herself into bravery as we did the 'tree tops tour' and our babies kept their eyes peeled for the Ewoks.

And here's the thing...

Life is scary.  Like crossing that bridge. 

Right now I've got multiple deals pending for next year plus two series that are hanging on the edge of breakdown--because we've added complexity, which in the long-run will be a good thing but which is nearly killing my stretched-to-the-limit staff--and because we're fighting for our lives trying to get the ratings we need while fighting off haters and politricktians (fugess) and the realities of putting together the number of shows we have to deliver each month.

In addition I've got a friend with whom I was developing a project who's right pissed at me right now over a delay in payment to him on my part.  The reasons seem reasonable to me and his anger seems reasonable to him and the upshot of it is I've got chest pain.  I feel very badly that I've let things get this bad and the honest reason for it is I had a deal fall through that I was counting on to help me with payment and when it fell through I got spooked and bailed and he's, rightly, angry with me about it.

It's a real mess.

So when I get home on Tuesday (I'm in Vancouver today through Monday) I'm going to put it right.  'Till then I've got this chest pain to fight through.  It sucks.

Added to that it looks like I'm going to have to move my family to Vancouver--which is a good thing 'cause it means all the ass-busting we've done production-wise this year has been 'worth it'--but the actual details of moving a family of six from a middle class neighborhood in southwestern Ontario (Toronto area) to downtown (or as near to is as possible 'cause the suburban traffic out here is NUTS!) Vancouver is twisty as all heck.  The costs alone are enough to push you to the edges of your faith.

Then I've got a network that I'm pitching on November 17th (on the Angel's concept...see my post below) with our first dramatic TV series.  Apparently they're quite hot on it (my Executive Producer had a good meeting on it yesterday) and that's even before I pitch 'em.  I'll try to post a concept-art shot for you a little later.  The thing is, if we get that deal, my life will go from it's current craziness to a whole other level.

Even if I get across the bridge I'm going to have all sorts of new heights to scale and new bridges to cross.

Just like my wife did on the Capilano...

The bridge is scary.  Chances are you've spent some time, or are spending some time, just staring at that chasm in your life thinking, "There's no way I can get across that."  I totally feel you.  You have three choices.  1) Walk away and live your life knowing that you couldn't/didn't face it.  2) Stand at that chasm thinking about it and wasting days/months/years of your life.  3) Cross it and see what happens.

Then, when you're on it, you'll find dozens of others there with you.  You'll be watching them, wondering about them, worrying they've got something you don't, some secret they know that they're withholding from you that's going to give them a leg up that'll help them 'beat' you.  You need to forget about them and focus on you.  Focus on your journey across the chasm, it's not about them, it's about you and what you've been called to do.

Then, you're going to freak 'cause, even though you've braved yourself onto the bridge, it's going to feel like it could flip you over at any second.  Well, you're right it might, but that's just the reality.  So, to mitigate against that you're going to want to rush across the chasm but, the reality is, some of the most beautiful things can only be seen while crossing above the chasm.  So, make sure that, in your fear, you don't miss out on all the little beautiful things that are yours to see along the way.

Then, when you get to the other side you're going to find out that you haven't 'arrived', instead, you're going to find out that you've got twenty more bridges to cross, these ones suspended between three hundred foot tall trees.

And you'll feel tired and scared and unsure of whether or not you've got what it takes to make it and you'll think you've already spent all your mojo and bravery but the second you start walking forward again you'll find that you do, in fact, have the strength to continue.  Plus you've already crossed the bridge so there's no turning back now.

Put yourself in the situation where faith is your only option.

Oh man, oh man, oh man.

Beats factory work though...

T

Me and a Hero...

Yup' that's me and 'the man' Dr. Robert Schuller, founder of 'The Crystal Cathedral' and 'The Hour of Power' one of the World's most-watched spiritual broadcasts.

My Grandma's going to freak when she hears about this.

That her grandson got to interview Dr. Schuller is about as close to wonderful as things get in her world.  

And it was pretty cool for me too.  See, his biography was the first biography I ever read.  I was a young teenager at the cottage one summer and Dr. Schuller's big red book jumped off my grandpa's bookcase at me and I read it front to back in a sitting or two.  

It was totally riveting.

The story of a young man with a dream and the story of how his dream became a reality.

Totally inspiring stuff.

And here's what I thought you should know.

1) I was terrified before starting my 'marathon interview day' in L.A.  So scared I'd screw it up or I'd lack inspiration or the stars would pull a hissy-fit ruining the whole day or the gear would break or our team would get into a steel cage match fight with each other--seeing as they hold such diverse views on what's 'right' and what's 'wrong' and all--or some such thing.  I was freaked out of my skull.  So, next time you're freaked out of your skull, do the thing anyway.

2) Dr. Schuller is a hero 'cause he deserves to be.  Possessed of an uncanny intelligence, a relentless drive and a deeply authentic passion for people, he's the real deal and deserves whatever accolades he gets.  If you (or I) want to be a person worthy of respect, we ought to get busy livin' and bustin' our asses to achieve that thing we dream of.  Nobody gets anywhere on the power of an idea alone.  

3) I was able to connect in a deep way with him and with the rest of our guests.  That means that you have the ability to do that thing that you think you're meant to do.  So long as you work and work and work at it and suffer long for it and keep at it and keep at it and keep at it and fight your way through the fear you can do whatever you wish.  I know that sounds cliche and 'pop-motivational' but I felt it to be true the other day as...

Lil' 'ol me did a thing I'd often dreamed of but had never yet done at that level.

Cavorting with giants and heroes.  

And all along the way my fear kept me humble and thankful and once it was done I felt grateful.

Fear.  Humility.  Gratitude.

Three good things to hold on to.

T