Dancing in the Minefields...

Okay, so I realize I've already blogged today.

But you've got to watch this VIDEO...

Here's why.

1) If you're married, thinking about getting married, or pondering quitting being married I'm sure that song *spoke* to you.

2) I'm really encouraged by a trend I'm seeing in media.  See, for many years those of us who happen to be 'People of Faith' have been pigeonholed by some in the 'mainstream media' who think that to love Jesus means to create subpar art. Now, granted, much (if not most) of the crap created by 'Christian Media' in the past twenty years (especially in TV and Film) has been CRAP. I 'get it' and will give you that.  Decades of white-suited televangelists and poorly written, horribly acted, end-times C-list movies have rightly made most people think 'Christian' equals 'Cheesy' or 'Propaganda'.

But recently some of the work I've been seeing, in the visual and sonic arts, has me feeling like the pendulum is swinging.

If you love music there's no way you could've not loved that song up there. It's just great music. Yes, its message is ultimately Biblical, ultimately rooted in the songwriter's *experience* with 'The Son of Man', (the reference to which in the song itself is AWESOME) but that's no reason to write it off.

Because...

No artist creates in a vacuum.  Every piece of art is a mini-sermon.  It's just that for years the Christians have been outputting sub-par art for fear of compromising 'the message' or 'muddying the waters' of their faith as the honesty of the(ir) human struggle intersects with the majesty of the Eternal story.

What that demonstrates (from where I sit) is that any 'person of faith' who creates art from a place of fear, worrying that if they really say what they're thinking or feeling it might take away from the glory of the truth, hasn't really encountered the glory of the truth to begin with.

Nicely done Andrew Peterson and thanks Dave Carrol for drawing it to my attention.

T

Still got room to grow...

That was me and my brother-in-law on Sunday.

FLYING across Lac Brome (Quebec, Eastern Townships) in a Laser 2 doing close to twenty knots at one point, in near-storm conditions.

It was Sunday morning and, instead of preaching at THE WELL we were 8.5 hours away on our first weekend off in ten months.

And I wasn't happy.

See, when you plant and pastor a Church it grows into this 'thing' that consumes much of your time, talent, treasure and mind-space.  Once you actually commit to the thing (which, for us, took about eight months) it becomes a 'part' of who you are; you connect to it in a way that doesn't really ever allow you to have *actual* time off.

Unless you're so far away you CAN'T get back in time and you have something to do that'll take your mind off the fact that you've GOT to get back in time.

Something like (for me) sailing.

See, I'd woken up totally grumpy that morning.  I knew church was getting ready, knew I wasn't going to be there and it had me in a state.  My sweet wife (who knew what was happening to me) grabbed my arm at one point. "Look at that wind..." she said.  "I know..." said I, "It looks crazy..." 

Then she smiled at me.

"Why don't you go out in it with Aaron?"

Why don't I?

You don't have to ask me that question more than once.

Before you knew it I was out the door, down at the beach, rigging a Laser 2 getting ready to go out in wind so big if you weren't an expert you were sure to capsize in seconds.

(sure enough, some 'non-experts' tried and had to be rescued...)

Aaron came down, looked at the wind, then looked at me. See, he's new to sailing.  Loving it, but new to it.  "Will we be alright?" he asked.  "Alright?  Dude, it'll be much better than 'alright', trust me..."

And off we went.

Into what turned out to be a top five (in my entire life) sailing experience and I've been sailing since I was a kid.

Wicked.

And here's what I remembered as a result of the experience:

First, even though you might be middle-aged (or approaching that season in life as I am...) you still have many great experiences ahead of you and many great things to learn and apply.

See, I'm a very experienced sailor, as a result of a lifetime of being involved in the sport.  If I hadn't had that experience I wouldn't have been able to *have* that experience on Sunday.

POINT: your life experience to this point hasn't been a waste.  It may not be applied all the time but the time is coming when it will, so be encouraged.

Secondly, I had to use all of my experience to survive that sail. It was that intense.  This means I haven't 'arrived' yet as the uber-sailor of uber-sailors.

POINT: remember to stay humble and excited 'cause (despite your experience) you've got lots to learn and that should keep you eager (at the same time) for 'more', 'cause you've got more coming.

And, yes, I forgot about church for two hours.

POINT: there is hope even for us ('focused', 'sold my life to this thing') types that we might reach a place where we can have fun, relax for a minute, forget our 'life mission', act like a kid and rip it.

Now go do it.

T

Perfection...

Is costly.

Now, I realize that my wife (pictured above) isn't, technically speaking, 'perfect' (sorry honey...) but she's CLOSE, and for *me* she is.

I realize the sunset wasn't quite 'perfect' but it was close enough for *us*.

Yup, my boat's not perfect, she'd have to be 13 feet longer and two feet beamier to be the C&C I'd really like, but even a C&C37+ isn't a 'perfect' boat and considering the fact that we didn't *have* a proper keelboat last season and have been wishing/dreaming/working towards getting one for seven years straight, I'd say our little 24-footer is close enough.

Close enough.

There's a wide gap between 'perfect' and 'close enough'.

And here's the thing I've been thinking about lately; the *thing* you should be 'doing' with your life is that thing that you are the most perfectionistic about.

What's the thing that you always do everything you can with to make sure it's a close to 'perfect' as possible?  Yes, we 'know' it'll never actually be perfect, but if you're trying for 'perfect' then your 'close enough' should be miles ahead of those who don't set the bar that high to begin with.

What's your 'perfect'?  Are you working on it, day in and day out?  If not, you might (and I do mean 'might', I don't know the details of your life after all...) be wasting your time and, possibly, your life.

Lately I've been ruthlessly honing in on what it is in my life and work that I'm willing to shoot for 'perfect' on.

I'm slowly working my way towards being able to do that, and mostly that.

(notice: not 'only' I don't think any of us ever actually get to THAT level--even the best of us...)

Tryin' to get 'there' before the sun sets on my dreams...

T

Unlovely...

Okay, so I'm a dude who works--in some small way--in mainstream showbiz.  This means I'm well-aware (Oh so painfully aware) of how non-existent I am compared to this guy. I 'get' how inconsequential my opinion is.  I understand (having made one myself) how friggin' hard it is to make a movie, any movie.

Even if you're Peter--freakin--Jackson.

And, look, there were some things about 'The Lovely Bones' that were lovely. Like the composition of his shots. Lovely. Like his way with actors and the performances he gets out of them. Lovely. Like the pacing. Great. Like his courage to just up and make the film he wanted to make even though the first ten minutes were really slow and a bit disjointed (I think he wanted it that way). Laudable.

But the story itself?

Not awesome.

And I 'get' that he's working from existing source material here and, being that he's PJ, we know he can adapt well.  

But really?

Just so, so, SO down and depressing and pointless.

(spoiler alert)

Yes, the Mom comes back (we never find out why).  Yes the Dad is happy to see her (the 'My Girl...' line was nice, if a bit on the nose, considering the original) but I was very dissatisfied with his helpless attempt to figure things out and the resulting beat down. 1) It didn't build well enough 2) I didn't 'feel' it from him strong enough (probably due to Markie Mark who--IM[truly]HO might have been in a bit over his head with this one) and if the story is supposed to be about a 'Father's Love' then, by golly, make it about a Father's love.

AND LET LOVE RULE!

As it stands this movie doesn't end up being about ANYTHING really.  

Best I can figure it, PJ laced a mostly Buddhist view (annihilation/nirvana) on top of an existing pseudo-christian/catholic view and the result of this syncretism was just...

Blah.

(more spoilers) 

The scene with all the dead girls gathering together under the 'Tree of Life'?  I mean, I LOVE anything with a Tree of Life in it, but the scene didn't MEAN anything.  Other than the asian girl (who really just showed up for no reason) there was ZERO connection between any of the girls other than the serial killer killed them, but because we'd spent no time making a connection between them we don't CARE when they get 'back together'.

I could go on and on.

But, the biggest downer for me (other than the whole 'Wife leaves, does nothing, comes back for no reason...' part) was in two parts.

First, are you *really* going to never let us SEE the bones?  I mean, (spoiler alert) I'm still mad about how they paid off (not at ALL) the whole 'Let's roll the safe to the sinkhole' sequence. Mad because PJ did it so well; there was so much tension in that scene. But are you really not going to have the Dad track that down, but arrive too late, then leap down into the abyss after the slowly falling safe and--just as it looks like it's going to sink--aren't you going to have him be able to reach the dial and won't you have imbedded a number in the story, some *way* for him to be able to open it?

Second, the 'Death of the killer' sequence.  SO anticlimactic.  So unmotivated.  Really?  An ICICLE falls on him, (I *know* it was pre-figured earlier in the film but that's NOT enough, it needs to be MOTIVATED by the story, it has to be something that HAS to happen for it to be *worth* happening) knocking him off balance and he falls to his death?  That's it?  That's all he gets?  Sure, she wanted him 'Frozen and bloodless...' and it was nice that they broke his BONES so well but, it wasn't satisfying.

And that's the thing with a movie, it's supposed to be satisfying.

(and I KNOW they were probably making some statement about 'meaninglessness' and the fact that good doesn't always win and suffering is really the way it is and life is often pointless and cruel, but SHEESH, do I have to watch that?)

Look, I *get* that this story (I've got the read the original now 'cause I'm so mad about it) is probably MEANT to be an open-ended, "Look, sometimes bad things happen for no apparent reason and there's nothing you can do about it really and your ultimate destination is oblivion anyway so let's not get too worked up about things now..." sort of story but here's what hit me last night.

People don't like those kind of stories.

I don't want to read, see, or tell those kind of stories.

I'm SUCH a PJ fan.  I don't want to HATE on him, and I'm really not AT ALL. Who am I anyway?

Nobody.

But this nobody was reminded to write stories with something to SAY, some HOPE to share, some LIFE to bring, some MEANING to impart, some REASON to be.

Seems to me an audience wants to be taken on a ride, sure, but they want that ride to end in a "YES!!" And, most importantly, they NEED that ride to end in a "YES!!" because life *is* hard and does *feel* meaningless by times which is why the GREAT stories life our eyes up, to the mountain, from whence cometh our hope...

(unless, of course, you believe the ca(l)va(l)ry's really NOT coming, in which case we're going to need to agree to disagree because you probably thought 'The Lovely Bones' was *profound* or something like that. But me?)

I feel a new script coming on.

'Cause, damn, if Heaven couldn't use a better testimony.

(like that one?)

T

Back at it...

Okay, so I'm working again.

I mean, I'm always working, but now we're back to working 'for a living' as it were.

You can imagine the huge sighs of relief that are going on around here.  My wife keeps randomly smiling at me as waves of relief wash over her throughout the day.  As I alluded to last post, things have been getting really (REALLY) tense over here.  The financial clock has been seriously ticking towards 'zero hour' (in an actual way) and that's something that's VERY tough to deal with at our age and stage of life (4 kids etc.).

So when the 'greenlight' call came yesterday from my business partner there was great rejoicing all 'round.

Some lessons, if you're a budding film/TV producer or if you're a person with hopes and dreams somewhat outside the ordinary...

1) Everything always takes MUCH longer than you think it will to close.  We're still learning the enormity of this lesson.  If it's supposed to take six months it'll take 18-24 months minimum. This is very sobering in terms of planning and practical preparation and also in terms of how tenacious you're actually going to have to be.  Also, this means you need to start working on the next thing NOW.

2) God typically takes us (I hope not you) to the very edge of catastrophe before opening up the new door. We're a little better now than we used to be at staring into the abyss with hope and faith in our hearts (while staving off despair and 'God-cursing'--a la 'Job') but we're still not so good at it that this kind of stage doesn't really, truly, deeply hurt in a SERIOUS way.

3) You've got to keep 'producing'.  Show business is about talent, output, tenacity, access and track record.  Keep doing what you're 'good' at (and make sure you *know* what you're *actually* good at), keep creating it even if the audience is very small (like one or two executives reading it or seeing it) keep believing and doing whatever it takes to 'hang on', work your relational contacts (within the limits of your relative talent socially) and never treat an opportunity as a 'dead end' 'cause you never know when it's going to come back 'round and make sure, when you do get a chance, that you deliver something really good.

4) Keep an eye to the eternal. You're not, ultimately, living for the here and now. That perspective will change everything for you, including how you deal with despair and deprivation.

5) Use the introspection that naturally comes with these kind of 'transition times' to hone back in on what it is that you *know* you've been made to do and make sure your life and practice are actually aligned with that gift and calling.  I mean, it's one thing to 'waste your life' while working for the man and getting PAID (you can at least take your wife out on nice dates and your kids on nice vacations and leverage your $'s to help build things that will last) but to waste your life while getting destroyed financially makes absolutely no sense at all.  So, use these times of scarcity to focus in on *why* you exist and what you're supposed to be *doing* with your life.

6) Don't fake happiness.  We had some very (VERY) low times this last time 'round. I realize, even now, we'll have them again.  I find it's impossible to pretend that all's well when it's not. I think it's best to try and 'suffer well'.  So, if you need to nap a bit, or play a bit, or cry a bit; do it.

7) Plan better NOW for next time. Work harder NOW on next time. Save more, leverage more, expand more, diversify more, dream more.

The last few days, when people asked me, "So, how're you doing?"  I'd respond...

I believe I shall be well...

T

Drifting...

That's the wife aboard our boat drifting offshore from our home while the Sun gets ready to set to starboard.  

Yesterday evening.

A nice moment.

And, lemme' tell you, we can use all the nice moments we can get right now.

It's, officially, "THE ELEVENTH HOUR!!" in our life right now.  If something doesn't go right today we're (again--and I must say I'm getting VERY sick of this...) officially in "Deep, deep, I mean, the deepest..."

You know the rest, it's a quote from THE GOONIES one of the best movies ever.

Yes, it's true, if something doesn't go right today me and the wife are in deepest doo-doo.

I don't want to talk too much (or at all really) about it 'cause 1) it comes off narcissistic 2) the wife doesn't like it when I'm TOO transparent in this here venue 3) I almost don't have any positive spin to put on it (which'll make you very depressed) other than to hope in the eternal which, let's face it, helps but also doesn't help (all that much--practically speaking) in the temporal.

So, I just wanted to say, for the sake of testimony (to prove it later) and for your sake (in case your life also is--or has been, or is getting--desperate) that we're officially, and technically and actually and really between a rock and a hard place and if something doesn't go right today, well...

You know the rest.

T

Head to Head...

That's my 'fine foxy wife' on the right (and our 'fine foxy friend' Jen on the left).

My wife is my friend.

See, our life is tres uncertain these days.  The show biz contracts we've been working to close since LAST OCTOBER just refuse to do so.  There are many reasons for this but, the reality is, for us--regardless of the reasons--this has translated into extreme uncertainty and no small amount of stress.

One encouraging thing in the midst of it is that we're much less stressed than we have been in the past when going through seasons like this.  In fact, I'm finding the whole 'trust Jesus' thing much more intuitive this time 'round than I ever have before.

That's a sign of growth for which I'm thankful.

That said--we're no 'supermen' here--we have had many a sleepless night, my wife's psoriasis is flared way the heck up, and our bank account is on life-support.

Not fun.

So, anyway, today I popped out to run a quick errand (our post-production gear is arriving from out west) and on the way there it occurred to me that I needed to sit down with my 'friend' (the bikini-clad one on the right) and make sure we were still 'on the same page' in terms of our life and where we (think) we're going.

See, I brought home an 'Islands' magazine for her last night.  I was trying to cheer her up.  She loves to travel, loves warm climates and dreams of spending much time in the tropics some day. Unfortunately, the cover story was all about 'MOVING' to the Islands, trading in the 'rat race' of your North American existence for a 'dream life' in the Caribbean.  The article explored several of the most 'Immigrant Friendly' Islands and the one that 'happens' to be the most 'kid friendly' (a must for us given our four rug rats) also happens to be the most 'Immigrant Friendly' provided you bring them a compelling business plan.

Well, that, I can handle.

See how easy it is to start lusting?

I mean, in our minds, the thought of selling everything, moving to the Islands, starting a small business and finding an old clapboard church somewhere that would LOVE to have a guy like me preach *fire* on Sunday's (with no other obligations) is VERY attractive.

"Yeah, but, you PASTOR a new church in BURLINGTON, a church you've been thinking about EXPANDING and really taking 'off to the races' this fall AND you're 'creative partner' in a production business you've been giving your BLOOD to grow for the past ten years.  You wanna' just THROW all that away?"

Exactly.

(meaning that's *exactly* the right question--not that that's *exactly* what I 'want' to do...)

The thing is this, I come from the 'life is what you make it...' *slash* 'choose your own adventure...' school of theology.  I believe God is God, He's good, and made you to love Him, serve Him, follow Him, obey and enjoy Him forever.  I believe that, sometimes, God speaks clearly to you, telling what you 'need' to do, or 'must' do.  However, I also believe that if/when God *doesn't* speak clearly to you (ie: audibly, tangibly, prophetically, miraculously) you do this (and I learned this from my Dad)...

"Hi God.  I love you.  I know you love me too.  Thanks for that.  Look, I'm not 'hearing' from You on this, so here's what I think I'm going to do, and I'm going to do it as 'unto' You, for Your glory, my joy and the good of Your people.  Since You love me and I'm 'called according to Your purposes...' I know that You're going to work this out for my good whether I'm 'right' or 'wrong' in this, whether I 'succeed' or 'fail'.  Since you're also my Father, I trust You to stop me if I really need to be stopped.  So here I go..."

And off you go.

So, that said, I'm usually pretty 'open' to curve-balls or left-field interruptions.

THAT said, our wee church (summer 'blahs' notwithstanding) *is* growing and peoples lives *are* changing and my bikini-clad friend and I are 'very' aware of the significance of that and are in no hurry to betray that trust.

THAT said, say 'cataclysm' (like, these pending deals went from 'in delay'  to "We've decided to go in another direction...") came calling, well you'd need to be able to pivot off that wouldn't you?  Well, yeah, you would.

So, that's why I sat down with her today (after the errand) and said, "Look, here's what I'm thinking.  I think the uncertainty of my 'income earning work life' is uncertainty that we can't do anything about right now but just 'cause my 'income earning work life' is uncertain doesn't mean WE have to be uncertain.

Good point.

WE need to be certain about what God has called us to do (or what we've told God we're going to do, as unto Him...) and we just need to be about the business of being about our business.

"So..." I said, "Here's what that looks like.  I think we do *this* and, right now I start working towards the fall where we'll do *this* and we just lock in and commit to *this* long-term and let the uncertainty work itself out 'cause God's going to provide for us regardless of the relative uncertainty we're wading through and there's no point waiting around when we've got *this* to be doing.  So, as long as you're 'with me' and 'cool' with this, I'm going to hit the ground running.  Cool?"

"Cool..." she said.

Hot chick, lemme' tell ya'.

T

Back to basics...

'The Boat' again.  

Aha! but this time it's different, see?  A Canadian flag waving proudly in the rigging and brand-spanking-new roller furling up front.

Not that anyone but me would know.

And that's the point.

Only you know what needs fixing in your life, specifically in the 'focus' of your life.

What are you focused on?  What are you working towards?  What's the 'thing' that you do better than anyone else you know?

That's how you should be spending your days if you're trying to live off your gift and not just from trading away the hours of your life for cash.

But it's easy, along the way, to forget your 'thing' or, at the very least--as a result of the pressures and stresses of life--to forget what that 'thing' is, and how it was that you 'did' it.

Time to remember.

Time to fix.

That's what I've been doing lately.  Thinking long and hard about my 'unique gifting'.  I've been trying to do the very honest (and hard) work of actually appraising my self with as much cold objectivity (not the me I 'want' to be, but the me I 'actually' am...) as possible so that I can find (or re-find) my 'thing' and simply go about doing it.

Naturally, the transition period we're in, waiting for deals to close, going on seven months without generating any 'new' income, is factoring heavily in this frame of mind; if something doesn't change soon we're going to be facing quite the whirlwind over here.  However, since we've been 'here' before and have typically been delivered from uncertainty into heightened productivity, we're doing our best not to panic, working hard to 'listen'...

And doing some 'fixing' while we're at it.

T