Cherish it...

Today was a good day.

Funny, I'm kind of at a spot in my life and career where I can't talk about details in the same way I used to. Added responsibility, more stakeholders, a bunch of factors contribute to that, but one thing hasn't changed; I have days where I want to say something.

Today I want to say two things.

One. I'm thankful. 

After the kind of year we've had it's very nice to see a positive turn of events that serves as an affirmation of decisions we made--that we felt were right at the time--kind of a shot in the arm to encourage us to keep going, that we're on the right track.

That said, I know--firsthand--that things don't always turn out right and, just because they turned out wrong doesn't mean you're ultimately 'wrong' in how you're living or what you're putting your hand to and--more significantly--that God is still God even when you don't get healed or get that promotion or that positive answer to a dilemma you've been facing.

I find that part of faith very difficult to deal with.

So, having come to a place where I'm somewhat 'at peace' with trusting God to be and do who He is and what He does, in and of Himself (only took me 40 years), I'm all the more grateful for a turn of events that fits in with some of the hopes and dreams I have for my family and I.

Simply put. I've had a lot of 'down' days so an 'up' day is all the more sweet.

Two. Nothing *really* important has changed.

My sweet son off the top? That's YEARS ago. Sure he's bigger now, but in his heart--who he is (as evidenced by how hard he's working on his sand creation) hasn't changed at all, and how I feel about him--as his Dad, and someone who's SO very grateful to be a father--well, that hasn't changed either.

That helps me with perspective. 

See, when things are bad or things are good or things are somewhere in between, there are certain things in your life; like your relationship with God, your spouse and your kids (if applicable) that never change, or at least which you shouldn't *allow* to change.

It's the things that are really important, the things that really matter.

In any given day I face a dozen moments of real challenge, of disappointment, of hurt, worry, stress or concern. In those moments I'm learning to remember that the tide does turn (for better and for worse then for better then for worse and so on...) all throughout your life and that, so long as you keep your head screwed on right and keep doing the *right* thing moment to moment, nothing really important ever really changes.

And that's something to cherish.

To better days!

T

Grip it and rip it...

I love that shot.

We were on the beach and my wife had asked me to bring the camera, something I was reluctant to do because; 1) she's always asking me to bring the camera and it kind of bugs me (for no good reason) and so I want to rebel 'cause I'm a sinful wretch and 2) because the waves and wind were so huge I was sure something bad was going to happen to it, and it's a very good camera.

But, I'd repressed my selfish and fearful urges, and brought it with me.

POINT #1: Do the right thing even when you don't want to.

POINT #2: Always have your 'tools' with you (like a camera).

Man, was I glad I did. Once my kids started racing into the waves and getting worked over by 'em, washing up ten yards inshore coughing and spluttering and laughing their guts out, I raced over to where I had stashed the camera (in a hat, under a shirt to keep it safe) and--caution be danged--hopped to it, running down into the surf.

POINT #3: You never know when 'the moment' will strike, so keep your eyes open and be ready.

Now, here's the thing about shooting. I've learned (and I'm certainly not the *best* director among my friends, but I've learned a few things from watching them, and from doing a little myself) that, if you shoot from an unusual angle (ie: put the camera somewhere 'non-traditional'), you're more likely to capture an image that is outside of the ordinary.

Most people would keep the camera in their hands, at their eye, and shoot. To capture the above shot I put the camera on the right setting, dropped it as close to the rushing surf as possible, then shot as many exposures as possible before leaping away (hoisting the camera into the air) when the surf caught up to where I was.

POINT #4: Unusual is usually better.

The 'net' effect is the image at the top of the post where my kids are caught right in the middle of the action...

POINT #5: 'Spontaneous' is better than 'Staged'.

And, because I'm shooting from such a low angle, the waves look absolutely MASSIVE, which captures the essence of the moment much better than shooting them at eye level would've.

POINT #6: The 'image' should tell the story.

Pretty fun. 

Glad I listened to my wife.

T

Celebrating...

I've been getting some questions about my 40th, how it went, how I feel, did we do anything special? Well, my sweet mother-in-law and my wife conspired to take us away for a week so I got to sail on the Caribbean Sea for the first time.

Can't believe it took me 40 years to get there. I've been busy trying to survive, I guess, but I feel like I shouldn't have waited quite as long as I did.

That's me and my eldest boy hitting the water on the very old and busted hobie cat the resort had. There's a life lesson there. See, we had a great time. Doesn't matter how old the equipment is, if you put your heart into it, and the conditions are right, you'll have a great time.

Kind of like me (and the rest of you who're in and around my age range).

We've got some miles on the chasis by this point, but--properly loved and applied--we're capable of getting out there and doing what's needed. In fact, some would say, the years of experience help us do things others might not be able to do quite as well.

This was in evidence on the above day as I was the only 'guest' the staff let out on the water because the conditions were getting 'dangerous' for the average run of the mill western tourist with little to no sailing experience. Not me. I was able to convince them that I'd spent enough time on the water that they could trust me to get out there and not make a fool of myself or their equipment.

So, out we went, and we tore it up. Great sail. Nothing like bashing upwind, into the swell, getting soaked by eighty degree saltwater while the sun beats down on your neck and the boat surges like your heart.

A lovely birthday present all told.

Thanks Julie. Thanks Niki. Thanks Kids. This forty-year-old Daddy loves you.

T

40 is the new...something.

My wife is taking me (and the kids) away for my 40th this week.

I actually turned forty a week or so ago and, to be honest, it wasn't that big a deal. I kept saying--when asked about it--that the 29 to 30 transition was much harder.

I think much of my 'relaxed' take this time 'round has to do with the fact that I'm basically doing what I feel like I'm supposed to be doing. Even in the midst of what has been a very difficult 10 months or so (since spring 2013) I've kept telling Niki that we're good, we're on-track, doing what we're called to do as best we can, so we should just relax, keep hoping and trusting and see what God is going to do.

A week away will be nice. It's been three years since we've done something like this. We're also going somewhere I've always wanted to go so I'm expecting that to fuel my imagination and my drive when it comes to thinking about, and executing, this next decade of my life, Lord willing.

So here we go. A new horizon, a new chapter.

T

Swim harder...

Ever see something that moves your heart with compassion?

I'm mean, truly.

Happens to me once a month or so. Yesterday it happened at the pool. I was there swimming my laps--in full-training mode for my second Olympic Distance Triathlon this summer and I'm bound and determined to improve my time, in fact, one of my 2014 'goals' is to drop the time by 10 minutes, which is near impossible--and was then going to meet my daughters after for some 'swim time with daddy'.

While I was in the pool I didn't notice anything; that's one of the things I like best about swimming laps, the near meditative state that comes with it. It was the 'after' that nearly un-did me.

At the top of the hour, as I stood in the pool waiting for my girls, the disabled babies started coming in. I don't know if it's a designated 'hour' for them or if it just happened that way. One after the other, in came these sweet young things, dragging crippled limbs, hands on walkers, ears plugged, goggles in place, over-large ears sticking out like wings in some cases.

I almost started crying.

Then I saw their parents.

Oh my. See, I'm a parent and I know what 'exhausted' looks like. These parents look like a whole other kind of exhausted. These parents make my exhausted look like a pale, wimpy, miserable misrepresentation of the word. I had to turn away so my tears wouldn't cause a scene.

If you have kids you know what I'm talking about. For nine months you're filled with hope and excitement about this baby who's on its way. You're thrilled about what the future might hold for them. The hope of it seems endless.

Then they're born with legs that don't work or water on the brain or a weak heart or ears that can't hear or eyes that can't see.

Dear Jesus.

The thought of their dreams crashing down, and of the season that must have followed where they had to re-evaluate the entirety of what they thought their life was going to be. It's enough to make you sick, repentant, and move you to compassion.

Hail to their perseverance! Hail to their toughness! Hail to their determination to build a life in the midst of difficulty. Hail to the fact that they're on their feet bringing their 'broken' babies to swim class! And--God help me to never laze another day away--HAIL to the babies themselves who were KILLING it in swim class, jumping and swimming and dunking their faces in the water and learning their strokes!

Todd, your life is not difficult.

Reader, yours probably 'aint as bad as you thought, either.

Hail, HAIL to those parents and their babies who taught me a lesson yesterday!

Swim harder.

T

What kind of 'BE' are you?

So, closing a church officially sucks.

Not that we didn't know this. Truth is, we knew it would suck so bad that we took a few months to get up our courage to do what needed doing.

We've been reaping the whirlwind ever since in more ways than one. I won't go into the more painful aspects 'cause really (unless you're a church planter) who cares?

But, there's an aspect of it that I CAN and WILL go into, 'cause it's interesting.

Church hopping.

Sucks, right?

Totally.

So, we've been here before. Last time (2008/2009) it led to us planting a church 'cause we just couldn't find a church that felt like it was 'home' for us. This time we're not about to plant another church 'cause, dang, but didn't we just TRY that?

:)

So, our wandering has had to persist.

I'm not going to take the time to critique each of the places we've visited 'cause that would be unkind, uncouth, and un-called for. But, I CAN share an insight that hit me a few Sunday's ago without offending anyone.

(I hope)

Here it is.

I think that every church, or movement of churches, has a 'BE' statement at the core of their identity, as in; they believe you should BE a certain way as a result of being part of their Church.

Get it? They're looking for a certain 'result' that will give them an indication that they're doing their job. Thing is, that result looks different across different churches and, perhaps most importantly in terms of helping you find the right place for you and your family, most churches are going to be mostly filled with people who (even subconsciously) highly value (or great prize) that same 'result' as a sign of burgeoning godliness.

So, here are some of the ones I've experienced so far:

The 'BE GOOD' Church...

This church is very interested in you (you guessed it) being GOOD. You'll know this is the case because every time someone gets up to speak to the congregation (in between songs, during announcements, in the sermon, sometimes in the ministry time) the speaker will lace their comments (almost unintentionally) with little tricks or hints on how NOT to DO 'bad things'. These bad things can be things like dancing, or drinking, or smoking, or wearing polka-dots, I dunno'. It'll look different from place to place but, bottom line, if you're in a 'BE GOOD' church they're going to determine their effectiveness in pastoring you and, by extension, your development into godliness, based on how many 'bad things' they can get you to stop doing and how many 'good things' they can get you to DO. Also (be warned) the 'BE GOOD' church will be FULL of people who also want to BE GOOD. These will usually be fairly 'rule following', 'hard working', 'minivan-driving' non $hit-disturbing type people. If that's you, you'll LOVE the 'BE GOOD' church. If, on the other hand, you like throwing dance parties at your house where people pop out onto the deck for a smoke with a brewskie in hand while wearing a polka-dot mini-skirt, you're not going to like this church.

The 'BE FAIR' Church...

This church is very interested in being 'fair' to everyone. They don't want to make you upset, they don't want to exclude you for any reason. This church will pride itself on 'accessibility' (and I don't mean the wheelchair type, although their wheelchair signs will be VERY prominently displayed) and on simplicity. Many more people at this church will look like they just jumped out of bed than the people at the 'BE GOOD' church. This church is trying very hard to not be impressed with impressiveness. When preaching through a passage that EXPLICITLY deals with the doctrine of HELL, the preacher in the 'BE FAIR' church will (most likely) jump right over that verse even though, previous to bumping up against that little section on damnation, they were working the text verse by verse. This church will have male AND female elders. This church will be very active in the community. This church will seem just hip enough to be hip but not so hip that it gets pretentious, 'cause that wouldn't be FAIR to all the less-hip people out there.

(the 'BE NICE' church--which didn't make this list--is a close cousin of the 'BE FAIR' church. Just LESS doctrinally rooted, usually older in demographic, and they like organs--as in the musical instrument, and are pastored--80% of the time by women)

The 'BE RIGHT' Church...

These churches are pretty popular these days, almost by way of reaction to all the 'BE FAIR' churches out there. These churches are filled with people who don't give a dang (trying to be slightly PC with that expletive--feel free to insert the *proper* one in your mind) about being NICE so long as they're RIGHT. I gotta' be up front and say that the people in these churches have often visited my church and stormed out after trying to stage a coup to get me fired. These churches typically preach through the Bible verse by verse. These churches typically have 'famous' Pastors (even just in their local context). These churches tend to be patterned on American churches (I'm a Canadian FYI). These churches typically have lame worship but they don't really care 'cause their doctrine is RIGHT. I gotta' stop talking about these churches before I start getting mean.

The 'BE EMOTIONAL' Church...

Ahhh, the Charismatics. I feel okay about naming this group 'cause, for many years, I was part of this group. I (affectionately) call these churches 'Crazy-Churches'. These churches have BANNERS and people dancing in the aisles. The kids in these churches are usually underfoot and more poorly behaved than the kids from the 'BE GOOD' or 'BE RIGHT' churches. The 'BE EMOTIONAL' church will talk long and loud about 'Male Leadership' but will (most of the time) secretly be led by the domineering wives of the church. The 'BE EMOTIONAL' church service is the LONGEST of all the churches on this list. They will worship (well) for 45 minutes to an hour. The preaching will usually be lousy and not really drawn from a consistent or coherent passage of Scripture. Instead, the preacher will usually cherry-pick a few verses that support the theme or idea of the 'message' ('cause I daren't call it a 'sermon') and lean heavily on their personal experience or some kind of 'revelation' that came to them. (notice I used 'gender-neutral' language to describe the preacher? You're onto me!) This church will have what I (also affectionately) call 'Prophecy Hour'. This is a designated (but they'll try to make it feel spontaneous) moment in the service where a small (and often 'select') group of people will take turns bringing 'The World of the Lord...' to the congregation. On the surface, I'm totally cool with prophecy, as long as we stick to the Biblical pattern when it comes to FALSE prophets (look it up). The 'BE EMOTIONAL' church REALLY wants you to have an EMOTIONAL experience at church. If you don't cry, or at least get the goosebumps, this church thinks it's failed you. These churches talk a lot about 'The Bride of Christ' and 'Israel'. They're full of really nice people who get really excited talking about 'Living in community' and the 'End Times'. God bless the 'BE EMOTIONAL' church.

The 'BE JUST' Church...

There's not much to hate about these churches. They want to be, JUST. They're incredibly connected in their community, they care for the poor, they reach out to the needy, the are champions of the weak. The only 'imbalance' I often see in these churches is that they can get a little 'strident' with their constant intensity (and they would say 'shame on me for thinking we can take our foot off the gas for even a minute, look at all the NEED out there!!') and they don't seem to really preach the BROAD spectrum of God's story that exists in the Bible; instead focusing everything about the Bible through the lens of doing Justice. My Dad would yell at me if he read this post 'cause he thinks "Do justice, love mercy, walk humbly with your God..." is about as clear as it gets, and he's right; but I'd love to suggest to the 'BE JUST' church that they 'BE JUST' while having FUN and wrestling with the ENTIRETY of the Biblical message. That way they might become less-inclined to look down their noses at anyone who doesn't drive a 1982 Volvo station wagon filled with six 'un-schooled' kids who've never tasted refined sugar in their lives. You also better like labyrinths, beards and art if you're gonna' go to this type of church.

The 'BE AWESOME' Church...

There are very few of these churches where I live. Most of these churches are in Texas, or Georgia. These churches have good looking preachers with very white teeth. Everything about these churches is AWESOME. They have awesomely-large staffs (usually well over 100 people) and awesome worship and an awesome kids ministry housed in an awesome facility. I don't know how these people get so awesome, they just are. Thing is, I've met LOTS of people who attend these awesome churches and here's my observation. They tend to be awesomely shallow. I'm not 'sayin', I'm just sayin'. The message from the pulpit tends to be laced with the underlying idea that, "...if you just DO what I TELL you to do, you TOO can become AWESOME!" My problem with this kind of church is grief. Awesome churches don't talk about grief much. What about the mom dying of cancer? What about the girl who's getting sexually abused at home? What about the guy whose IQ just isn't that high and who, truly, is just 'destined' be a roofer or, better yet, a sanitation worker? What about the nerd who will NEVER find a wife or the businessman who is totally unscrupulous in his business dealings but never thinks twice about it 'cause he's on a path to awesome-ness? These churches (almost always) have multiple one-hour services on the weekend and, if you happen to miss church, you can watch it on their awesome website. Heck, there's probably even a countdown online telling you when the next AWESOME service is starting. You'll see it right next to the 'automated giving' button.

Okay, I've about said my piece here.

Lemme' just say that I KNOW that there are EXCEPTIONS to these rules. Please don't argue with me about that, I know there are some churches that fit into one of the above 'molds' who haven't forsaken the essence, or deep and abiding truth of the story of Jesus. I know.

Lastly. I bet you're wondering what kind of 'BE' I am?

I'm a 'BE FREE' slash 'BE HONEST' guy.

I believe that Jesus came to set us free. ("He whom Christ has set FREE is FREE indeed...") I believe that honesty is the best policy ("And you shall know the Truth--double entendre--and the truth shall make you free...). There's that FREE thing again. I believe that the Gospel of Christ should free you up to be free and be honest. This means to me that you don't have to pretend to be good, or fair, or right, or emotional or just or awesome; you can just BE.

Now, are there TIMES when the freedom in you should lead you to act in a way that is good? Yes. How about fair-ness? Does freedom in Christ lead to treating people equally? Yes. Right? Well now, I always defer to Jesus. He's the only one who's 'right'. If I seem 'right' it's by accident or association. Can being free include being emotional? Sure. Just don't force it. Freedom means you don't have to cry unless it just happens. You don't *have* to do anything, you're free. How about being awesome? Well, if you're truly awesome at something (like my son is at football) then, thank God for that, and be awesome. Just don't build your church on it or promise everybody that if they just jump through your preferred hoops that they TOO will end up awesome at football.

So, back to the beginning. When you're looking for a church, keep in mind that each church you visit wants (at its core) to BE something and wants you to BE something.

Which would suggest to me that you'd better be pretty sure about the answer to the first and last question in this post...

What kind of 'BE' are you?

Happy hopping.

T

Sunrising...

Yo', the Sun is coming.

Truth.

Winter sunrises are so nice because the dark of winter nights is so awful. Up at 5:30am each morning, I wander downstairs and open the living room blinds. In summer, this is a glorious moment, the sun is already kissing the rooftops, the Muskoka chairs are glistening with fresh dew, the tree swing invariably has a playful squirrel or two flitting about on it, the lawn flashes its emerald green-ness like a wide-mouthed grin, birds chirp and all is well with the World.

Not this time of year.

Nor this time of life.

Man, SUCH a brutal year we're having. It's been almost crazy. I don't want to go into details 'cause I find it tiresome, and realize these kind of online posts can 'read' as so 'self-indulgent' and navel-gazing from where you sit, dear reader.

I'm FB'ed out. Twitted out. Even IG is starting to bug me. Food, hot girls, cars, and travel destinations, that's it. Sick of it.

I've stopped listening to current pop music on the radio 'cause it's so annoying. I tell myself this means that I'm getting old. I remember my parents listening to the same classical and jazz stations I tend to go to these days when they were my age and I was sitting in the back of their cars.

See, there are no inane lyrics ('All I wanted was to break your walls...") in classical and instrumental jazz. Phew.

Funny how I had NO idea how hard their lives were. I wonder if my kids know what mine is like?

There's a curious balance there. I want to be honest with them about the process of living but certainly don't want them dealing with the same kind of stress I'm dealing with 'cause, after all, they're still kids and deserve to be ignorantly happy a little longer, no?

This morning, as I prepped breakfast and school/work departure, I found myself wondering if they'll remember me as always grumpy and stressed. This is not good. I need to work at finding true happiness and sitting down into it more often and consistently. Soon enough they're bound to make the connection between my unhappiness and the pressures of father-hood and it's only a hop skip and a jump from there to, "Well, gee, it must be my fault..."

Sadness all around me. Divorces, bankruptcies, sickness, death, cancer, misery, infidelity, greed, hopelessness, abuse, loneliness, aimlessness, selfishness, vendetta, pride, entitlement, waste, inertia.

Oyyyy.

It hit me in the car today that the whole "If you don't introduce someone to Jesus before the age of 18, you've lost them..." thing might be TOTALLY wrong. It seems to me that you don't really know ANYTHING about life 'till your late 30's (or whenever it is that you've lived long enough to truly suffer) and, from watching my own life, and those of the people around me, I think you might be more receptive than EVER to the hope of the Jesus-story, in your middle-age, 'cause--dang--but life sure 'aint offering much in and of itself anymore.

It's like life is all speed bumps these days; rapid ups and downs.

BUMP-BUMP-BUMP-BUMP-BUMP-BUMP-BUMP.

Like, the other night, after a BRUTAL day of insecurity and stress, I come home after my run, looked at the two vehicles in my driveway (neither of which paid off yet) and I'm overcome with gratefulness. Each vehicle is the one I *always* wanted growing up. So I stood there, all sweaty and swaddled in many layers against the winter night, and I raised my arms Heavenward (literally) and vocally (literally) blessed the Lord of Hosts for His goodness.

These weird spontaneous outbursts of thanksgiving are happening more often lately, and it's definitely NOT because my 'external circumstances' are super-awesome or anything.

Maybe this is 'godliness'. I've certainly preached that it is. Thanksgiving. Being truly, honestly, simply grateful for everything, moment by moment.

Perhaps that's how you answer the constant barrage of bumps and sorrow; with a constant barrage of praise and thanksgiving.

I realize some people think I'm crazy believing this stuff. To them I would love to say, "So how's YOUR friggin' life-system working out for you? Are you happier than me? More peaceful than me? Do you spontaneously worship in your driveway because you own two Hondas?"

(I always want to lace a few expletives into these tirades but you never know when my Mother--who I love--or some 'church people'--not so much--might be listening in. It'd sound better with 'em in there though. Feel free to insert them yourself, in your mind)

I'm married 17 years this Christmas. I've known her 20. She's only 37 and I'm 39. We've been together longer than we've been apart. I'll shout about THAT from my driveway or the freakin' ROOFTOPS whichever is closer. My four kids are turning into people, with gifts, quirks, strengths and weaknesses. I'm twenty years in on one side of my career (the Preacher side) and 15 on the other (the Producer side). Have I 'achieved' all my goals? Certainly not. Have I wasted my time? Also, not.

My friend has a family member who may die this week at a VERY (grossly) young age. Thinking about him lying there waiting to die was super-sobering for me this week. I thought to myself, would I have REGRETS if I was to die this week? Honestly, the first answer that came to mind was, yes, I would. But then I thought about it, reflecting on what more I could be doing other than what I'm currently doing. The answer was, not much. A little, a few tweaks here and there, but not much.

So, here I sit, still doing what I've always done.

Waiting for the Sunrise.

T