Big moment...

Dedicated my nephew Cameron to Jesus yesterday at church.

In the absence of his Father.

It was a painful and glorious moment.

This whole journey with Robbie and Kate and their kids has been that way. Deeply painful, and yet, glorious in some awful (awe*full) way. I say *awe* full because of the way in which God is still making Himself real to us in the midst of an experience that should be completely wiping out any faith we ever had in Him.

I can't say I can explain it. I can't say I don't have *any* moments of doubt or deepest disappointment; but I can say that there have been *many* more moments where God has broken through to us in a profound way, than there have been moments where we've felt abandoned.

What's interesting is to see what this journey in us (my family) is doing to our church. It's not that the two are *directly* connected or that we're (especially Kate) at all happy that we've become (in some way) a living 'object lesson', but I have to say, I am seeing strange and undeniable evidence in our congregation that our family's suffering (again, especially Kate's) is getting through to them in a way that is *opening* them up (rather than shutting them down) to the work of the Holy Spirit.

Strange days.

I cried so much yesterday I ended up feeling (for the rest of the day) like I had a red-hot poker being shoved through my left eye.

Kind of like the year so far has felt.

But in it, God is making Himself real to us.

Heavy duty stuff.

T

What would you do...

...for free?

Seriously. Is there anything you *like* enough to do it for free? Is there anything you're so good at that it brings you almost pure joy just to do it?

Maybe THAT'S the thing you should be doing.

Go where the passion is.

That's what I'm wrestling with today; taking a good hard look at the things I'm doing and the things I want to be doing and trying to track the passion in 'em. Another way to put this is something I call 'the two million dollar test'.

If you had a cool $2,000,000 sitting in the bank, free and clear, what would you want to be doing today? If the things you're doing today you'd be doing tomorrow (WITH said 2mil in the bank) then, I believe, you're doing what you're supposed to be doing. If, however, you'd jump ship without a look back then, well, seems to me you might be wasting your life.

'Cause, come to think of it, what's your LIFE worth?

Much more than $2,000,000 no?

So, why are you wasting it doing something you don't have PASSION for?

"But where am I going to get my money from?"

Doesn't 'provision' follow 'passion'?

"Well, I dunno' Todd, I've never really tried living my passions..."

Right.

It's a constant struggle. There's fear and insecurity involved as well as a need for constant, truthful, introspection to make sure you're *actually* on-track doing what you're *actually* supposed to be doing and not deluding yourself.

But, that said, I'm pretty sure it's better to SPEND your life pursuing what you're passionate about than to WASTE it trading the hours of your life away for dollars.

Just thinkin'...

T

Looking forward...

I'm a constant 'looker-forwarder'...

Good thing too.

See, life is full of crap times. Sunday was one of 'em. Had to go put the boat 'to bed' for the winter. That sucks.

The process takes most of 5 hours, from de-rigging, to un-stepping the mast, motoring over to the crane, waiting your turn, getting lifted out, waiting for your bottom spray turn, getting put in your spot, then wiping the boat down by hand.

And there's no reward at the end.

Unless you have faith.

Faith that you'll live to see another spring, faith that you'll face it with a bigger boat, faith that your work will shape up to allow the aforementioned.

Without faith it's impossible to please God (the Bible says) or yourself (I say).

Seriously, how can you be happy without believing for good things in the midst of bad things?

"But what if you've been beat down so much that you just can't find strength to believe anymore?"

Believe me, I feel you.

But, for me, though the days are often dark, I find no other way but to keep my eyes to the East, watching for the sunrise.

Even in the midst of winter I believe Spring is coming.

Looking forward...

T

Party...

Sometimes you just gotta' party.

My wife taught me that.

See, I grew up a 'church boy', never went to a school dance in my life.

My loss.

She's been helping me loosen up. I didn't really start 'learning' anything on that front from her 'till about 5 years ago. Since then I've been learning how to let down my guard and just enjoy people and moments of celebration.

I'm learning I don't have to be 'on' all the time.

No, this doesn't mean I stop loving Jesus, or stop doing what He's called me to do. It just means that I allow myself to embrace 'fun moments' when they come up in a simple, childlike kind of way.

All of this points out to/reminds me what a naturally 'proud' person I am/have been, and we all know, 'pride' is probably THE most grievous sin there is.

So, here's to my beautiful wife, the fact that she looks 10 years younger than she is, and that she's still willing to help me get over myself.

Repentance through partying.

That's my line for the day.

Love you babe.

T

Sailing home...

Sailed the boat 'home' to Port Credit for the winter in EPIC conditions yesterday. We'd just had a storm blow through and the wind was still howling (30-40km) and the swell was 5-9ft at times.

Everyone who heard we were going thought we were crazy.

Wasn't as bad as all that...

Got there in record time. Here's our Navionics track:

Start Time: 11-10-20 1:50 PM
End Time: 11-10-20 4:15 PM

Active track info:

Distance: 13.1 NM
Total time: 2h 24'
Average Speed: 5.4 kts
Max Speed: 8.8 kts

Please note: 8.8 KNOTS on a Mirage 24! That's ridiculously fast.

The lesson?

Don't be afraid. Do what you need to do.

Naturally, I'm not saying do something 'stupid' or put your life at risk, the conditions required 'expert' sailing ability which I qualify for but, even so, it took balls to head out yesterday.

The end result was a really rewarding experience.

It's my belief that you'll find this true in your life as well as you do your best to 'get out there' and do it.

Best,

T

The wife...

Ahh, the wife.

The wife, the wife, the wife.

The wife.

It's her birthday today.

She don't look much older than when I first met her. In fact, nearly twenty years (and four kids) later, she's in better shape now than she was then, and that's saying something.

The wife has more than looks though.

The wife has brains, and brawn, and hustle, and charm, and people-skills and work-ethic.

The wife.

She's a great Mom, a brilliant organizer and gifted people-person.

She looks WICKED in a short skirt.

Saying too much? It's my blog and I can swoon if I want to.

Swoon about...

The wife.

Here's what my Dad told me (from the first week I understood the English language) about the wife...

"Choose someone based on what they're going to be like at 40. If you can see yourself attracted to and enjoying this one when she's 40, then she's worth pursuing..."

Now (of course) I'm not selling the wife out like THAT.

She 'aint nowhere NEAR 40 yet.

But still.

She's looking mighty fine to me these days, and we're closer to 40 these days than we've ever been.

Might I take the energy of this day for me and turn it towards you, encouraging you to do whatever it takes to re-discover the wonder of your...

Wife.

T

Surprised by a sunset...

A month or so back I left the studio after shooting all day and began walking to my car as usual.

Then I saw this...

That's un-doctored, right off my iPhone 3.

Pretty nice, right?

What was cool about it was that it wasn't just me who got stopped in his tracks. There must have been at least a dozen people stopped at that intersection, just standing there, staring at the sky.

Surprised by a sunset, surprised by beauty.

Thought I'd remind you today that you never know when next beauty is going to assail you. It might be just walking down the street some day.

Gonna' preach on it, Sunday, at THE WELL.

So, don't despair, keep your eyes open and up.

T

Fall 2011 update...

Been doing an awful lot of the above lately.

Shooting.

I'm finding myself fairly spent these days with the intense production schedule we're trying to keep up. My challenge in this is twofold. The first part is the kind of thing I'm sure you deal with too; simply getting 'up' to work, getting in touch with my passion and/or connecting my passion to a seemingly mundane task. I'm trying to find ways to get and 'stay' excited about what I do in the midst of what I do feeling a little bit rat-race-ish these days. Secondly I'm continually trying to find ways to work from my gifting rather than just working to keep the lights on, or pay the bills.

This is tough.

I feel like my biz-partner and I have gotten 'off' our 'mission' a bit lately. Part of this is related to the fact that we have some deals pending that will have resources attached to them that will aid us in turning our strategic plans into tactical moves. Until said deals materialize we're in a bit of a holding pattern. The challenge there is to work enough that you keep the process moving forward while making sure that you're not wasting time with fruitless labor. I find that my own selfish/laziness is a factor there, meaning I can sometime confuse my motives, thinking "I'm being a good steward of my time..." when really I might just be being lazy.

In the midst of this we had a nice moment this week where our entire crew broke for lunch (we were shooting a bunch of new episodes) and the show we were working on happened to have it's national debut at that exact moment and we were able to gather around the flat screen in the lounge and watch our work play out.

That was cool. For some of our team its the first time anything they've done has had a national release.

I made a point in that moment to be thankful and to remember not to allow myself to become jaded. See, I've had a lot of shows (more than 500) go to air nationally so my tendency is to forget the magic, forget that it's good, and ignore small forward steps in my desire to move on to the next BIG thing.

That said, I am feeling some new creative juices flowing.

I've written four new TV series treatments in the last couple months. Two of them I think really have legs. The great thing (noticing and being thankful for progress here) is that we now have official H'wood REPS who can (and ARE) actually shop said treatments at the highest level. The trick now is to be there in the right place at the right time with the right exec and the right concept and close that deal.

I think I need to write a new feature-length script soon. I'm toying with a time travel piece.

On the church side I've decided to stop counting numbers. Those of you who are aware of 'church planting' dogma know (as do I) that this can be a sign of a guy who's church is tanking and he just won't see it. Said dude spiritualizes the fact that his church isn't growing by saying he's going to stop focusing on numbers and just let God do what He's going to do.

That's me.

I'm going to stop counting numbers and let God do what He's going to do.

I just hope I'm not that guy...

Scary, right?

So I'm AWARE that I could be that guy but am also keeping my ear to the ground in terms of watching for momentum.

I see it in our core leaders. They're excited, committed, volunteering their time and giving of their resources and talents to see our mission progress, so that's a good sign.

I see it on Sundays. Though I've seriously not counted numbers the last four weeks, 3/4 of them have felt really full and packed with positive momentum. I also *feel* it in the way in which the Holy Spirit seems to be present in our corporate worship services.

I hear it in our band. Our worship leader and his dudes are really gelling, really turning out great worship moment after great worship moment week in and week out. Can't really do any better than we're doing on that front. I'm immensely thankful to have each of them around and am holding my breath for the day when word gets out that THE WELL is THE place to be in the Western GTA for vibrantly Spirit-filled worship.

I feel it in my preaching. I've been getting a lot of comments from people about the quality and tone of my sermons. I've been trying very hard to write really good sermons, doing my best to just follow the Lord's lead, work the passage honestly, and write from my heart with an eye to being practical and inspirational. It's been a few months now where each week has been pretty strong. Typically I've found that I preach a couple of strong sermons, one really great one, then an average one in a given month. I've been trying really hard to do whatever it takes to hit home runs week after week. I realize there's an 'intangible' in this ie: the presence and power of the Holy Spirit settling on a sermon and bringing it to *life* but I 'get' that I can't control that. So I'm just trying to stay in-relationship with God and to keep my eyes and ears and heart open to what's unfolding around me in life so that I can find a way to connect what I feel God is saying, to the people that He's given me to say it to. Just trying to not ever deliver a 'dud'. So far so good lately.

Our kids are in school for the first full year and we're still adjusting to what that means for our schedule. It's pretty crazy. I realize most of you will be going, "Duh...I KNOW" to that but for us it's still new. Good thing is it seems to me that we *fit* a bit better (in terms of our values and tendencies) with the school crowd than perhaps we did with the home schooling crowd. Not looking to say one is better or worse than the other there, mind you.

My wife is working her gifts (fitness and personal motivation) and doing well. She's now got 2 national TV shows she's the key fitness contributor on and is adding a few personal training clients as well as starting to connect to a really high end fitness company in our area. She's trying to balance her ability (with the kids in school now) to work, with her desire to not succumb to the 'rat race' after 15 years of doing her best (with me) to try and live differently.

The day-to-day of church work (people, drama, logistics, etc...) is getting us down a bit this week but we're just simply trying to keep putting one foot in front of the other and let the Lord worry about the rest. If you do pray for us you could ask the Lord to maybe give us a new permanent location to meet in.

Oh, and I'm helping to coach my son's football team. I'm the defensive coordinator and our last game the defense OWNED the other team. I found myself yelling "I LOVE YOU GUYS!" as the D ran off the field after a particularly outstanding goal line stand.

Some things never change.

I keep hoping my simple, silly, journey continues to be of some use to you as you work to navigate yours, which is why I keep writing.

All my best to you,

T