when to pick a fight...

People fight over the strangest things.

But everybody fights.

You think that what I want to fight about is weird, strange or wrong because it's not what you want to fight about. I think what you want to fight about is weird, strange or wrong because I've decided what I'll fight about and what I won't fight about and your 'thing' isn't even on my radar.

"So who gets to decide what to fight about and what not to fight about?"

The people in charge.

Right?  And that's the bottom line.  That's the toughness.  That's the thing that'll make some stay and some go.  If they feel persistently 'strongly concerned' in an area that's not on your radar that's a recipe for dissatisfaction, dissent and--ultimately--disaster.

You need (I need) to continually work to be very direct, honest, open and even blunt about what you believe, what you hold dear and what you don't give a fig about.

The last thing you want is people wasting their time, talent, treasure, and love in a place that's not going to be a 'fit' because you have different fighting rules than they do.

I feel I've got a few fights brewing.  I feel kind of tired on the one hand but resolved on the other. My hope is to stay humble and very (very) honest throughout this process.  Plus, I'm going to do my best to remember the advice of my friend the 'shaman'...

(don't worry, I just interviewed him, discarded the silliness, kept to that which was good...)

"Don't take anything personally..."

Sounds Biblical.

'Cause it kinda' is.

Sharpening my fists and softening my heart over here kids...

T

gagged...

Blogs are a funny thing.  

One the one hand they're--to some degree--a 'marketing' tool.  A way for you to get your ideas out there, a tool to built awareness of the things you do.

On the other, they're supposed to be a glimpse inside your process, or the genesis of your perspective. Ideally that's supposed to help you (and your audience) learn, think, process and be inspired.

Hard to be honest.

Anyway, wanted to just drop a quick update ('cause I said I would--and I'm regretting it a bit) re: my 'new' notes for preaching.

Sucked.

Terrible.

Totally blew it.

That's how I felt about today's sermon.  I actually felt a little embarrassed.  I realize that 'embarrassment' (in a preacher) can be idolatry in disguise so I've worked really hard to not give in to it or wallow in it but that's the simple truth as to how I felt after getting done today at THE WELL.

I forgot this part about church planting.

The ups and downs.

Last week was awesome.  Near record attendance, record offering, great worship and strong preaching.  This week half our core was away, worship was lackluster and the preaching stunk.

It'll be like this for two to three years.

It just takes time for a church plant to stabilize.  

My 'take aways' from today:

1) If it 'aint broke don't fix it.  Just because I've been writing and preaching sermons the same way for fifteen years doesn't mean I'm in a rut, lazy or complacent.  I need to just keep doing what I've been called/given to do without apology or pretense.

2) It's good to listen to the 'creative urge' to try something new.  If it succeeds, great, you've made tangible progress.  If (like today) it fails, you've learned something that will help grow you (towards tangible progress) and you've had a humbling experience.

3) Make sure I do the work necessary (knowing it's not all up to me...) to do better next week because, I mean, dang...

At lunch after (a veggie burger and chocolate shake to help cheer me up) my wife reminded me to repent of my desire to 'do well' and my tendency to assume that my analysis of an event is the 'objectively true' take on what happened.  She also told me to ask Jesus why things went the way they did today so (as I always do) feeling a little silly about it I asked Him right then and there, while she was still suggesting it, and (as always happens to me when I do this silly thing) the answer formed in my mind immediately.

"So that you will remember to love Me..."

For whatever that's worth.

(whatever that's worth)

Love. Him.

Keep at it.

Remember that neither Rome, nor you average humble suburban church was built in a day.

I'll try to do better next week.

(Easter Sunday: on the one hand, I think I should do better 'cause what preacher worth his salt wouldn't. On the other, that just upped the ante right there didn't it?)

Oh well.

I'll take my own advice from my worst sermon of the year so far...

"Sometimes good enough is GOOD enough..."

T

taking a leap...

So, I'm about to try something new.

For those of you who preach this'll be interesting.  For those of you who don't this'll seem pretty geeky.

Okay...

So, the laptop is running my Bible program.  I use it to study, dig, confirm, check. Basically it helps me make sure I don't have to fire myself for being a heretic.  I'd like a better one but we need to save up the $'s to get it.

To the right is my Bible and first notes (the black binder).

Beneath the laptop, dead center, is a new sketch book.  I'm going to try and mix things up a bit. See, I've always written my entire sermon out in great detail.  The reasoning behind this (when I started) was I wanted to be able to write them out in book form some day, so figured I'd need exhaustive notes to do so properly.

Duhh...transcription service, or voice recognition software?

To be fair, when I started out, VRS didn't exist.

Anyway, I've realized I don't need to write exhaustive notes anymore.  But, when you've been doing a 'thing' as long as I have when it comes to preaching (17 years at this point) you get pretty set in your ways.

So, this week (I've been feeling a little restless) I decided to try something new.

Yesterday when I spoke at the Bible College I did so from only POINT FORM notes, trusting my background, my preparation, and the GHOST to effectively fill in the gaps.

I think it went alright.

Alright enough that I'm going to try it at THE WELL this Sunday.

So instead of my typical 14-18 pages of 'transcript' I've ended up with TWO pages of point form notes in a sketch book, which is like four pages in a notebook.  Notice that--because it's a sketch book--I'll be able to see the entire thing all at once.  Gonna' need a bigger pulpit though. For now I'll use two music stands side by side.

I feel a little nervous, but because I like new experiences, the nervousness isn't enough to get me to chicken out and go back to what I 'know'.

I'll let you know sometime next week how it went...

SUNDAY.

T

back to school...

Okay, so the place I was speaking at yesterday day didn't look quite as nice as Trinity College (pictured above).

But I had fun nonetheless.

I was there to talk about my two areas of expertise, Church Ministry (especially preaching and church planting) and Show Business (especially film and TV).

It's rare that I get to focus on both disciplines at once.  I'd like to do more of that.  Think I'll get a new site up soon to promote that side of my life and work.

Some reflections on yesterday:

-College kids are KIDS.  I don't remember feeling that young when I was that young.  This means I'm getting older.  But I don't mind it.  I sure wouldn't want to trade my life experience for their youth.  No way.

-College (secular or not) is an insular place.  I was reminded how important it is to keep yourself immersed in the 'real world' you hope to inhabit someday in a working capacity even (especially) while studying in preparation for invading that world.

-Christian culture is still very separatist in inclination.  I made a reference in my 'talk' to hitting a shot of Patrone (the high end tequila--dunno' if I spelled it right) while at one of L.A's hottest clubs on open mic night (featuring Macy Gray and one of Kanye's collaborators on 808's) after shooting wrapped with my crew a few months back.  There was palpable SHOCK in the room. Then, after I was done, they made an announcement gleefully reminding the room of their big 'group twister' game scheduled for later that night.

Excuse me?

You're SHOCKED that I'm hitting the Patrone and dancing with my friends after working with them (by way of respecting my friend the pop star who was in L.A, wanted to see me [his former pastor] and got us into the club in the first place...) yet you're 'cool' with encouraging 140 hormonal 19 years olds to twist themselves into various sexually provocative (don't tell me it's not that way, I used to PLAY twister too...) poses in the name of 'good clean fun'?

Is it just me who sees the GLARING inconsistency there?

I almost felt deflated by that (having tried to convince them that 'sanitizing culture' is neither the mandate of the Christian nor the slightest of possibilities to begin with...) but reminded myself that Rome wasn't built in a day and I'm certainly not going to change Christian culture's silly hypocrisy (I'm variously guilty as charged by times, make no mistake) all at once, or ever.

The best I can hope for is to have participated (in whatever small way) in the mighty GHOST impacting a few of the people in the room.

THAT reminds me that we shape culture (in grace) one person at a time.

That helps.

What else?

-(this is a little too honest here) I noticed that most of the kids looked pronouncedly different than the kids I see and rub shoulders with in 'the biz'.  That's to be expected but what troubled me about it was that, I think, many of those college kids would claim that their 'heart' is to find a way to 'minister to' or at the very least 'connect to' the kids in actual culture who look and act (from what I could see) NOTHING like the college kids do.

This might be a problem.

How will you find a way to connect to a culture in which you've spent no time, for which you have no genuine affection or affinity?

Seriously, how?

After I was done speaking, the Dean of students had me come up to his first year seminar class and take questions for forty minutes.  I enjoyed the kids.  Some of then had some good questions.  I was humbled to have the chance to chat with them.  

I wish a guy like me had come by my U of T first year philosophy class and unloaded on me.

It would have helped.

Hope I did.

Yesterday...

T

still at it...

"Version Five" just went out.

Bi-coastal.

FIVE times I've written it.  FIVE times received feedback.  FIVE times worked it through and FIVE times re-written it.

FIVE.

I never would've had the patience for this even a few years ago.  It's evidence--this newfound patience and perseverance--of 1) desperation ['cause I want/need it to work so bad] and 2) a work-ethic born of beats.

You get beat down and beat down and beat down again and, eventually, you just resign yourself to the process. You just sit there and do the work.

('cause what else you got to do?)

Lemme' say though, it's STILL fun.

FIVE times in.

I'm still enjoying it.

T

ballistic...

I'm not *saying* anything about it yet...

(nope, can't make me)

In other news:

Just got a call from H'wood and they LOVE one of the latest things I've been working on.  It's a beautiful thing. I've been on tenderhooks for a week 'cause I sent them my latest 'pass' ten days ago and I've been waiting to hear back.

The protracted silence had me thinking they *hated* my latest revision but didn't know how to tell me.

When the email popped in today (from them) I actually had to take a deep breath before opening it, I was so scared it'd be horrible.

But it wasn't.

It was good.

Sure, I have MORE writing to do, but that's how it goes.  The trick here is finding a way to synthesize my worldview and preferred story approach with my writing partner's worldview and bias.

The funny thing is, H'wood seems to be responding to the story as pitched--a story deeply steeped in my bias and mythic/theological preferences--but he has *actually* sold and co-produced a major U.S network drama series and really does know what he's talking about and has his ear to the ground in terms of the mainstream secular entertainment appetite.

So, how to combine his sensibility and mine?

That's the challenge.

And, lemme' say, it's a great privilege for me.  My WHOLE life, this has been the track I've been (hoping, wishing, trying to get) on. Trying to be a guy who believes (and loves) what he believes and loves while staying 'non-boneheaded' enough to still get invited (eventually) to dance with the real players in the real world.

Very humbling and exciting all at the same time.

To say nothing of the fact that I  had my own 'personal revival' last week because of this...

growing...

The CHURCH my wife and I planted six months ago is growing.

Rapidly.

Most church-plants don't pass the 100-person mark 'till four years into their existence. We've almost passed it twice.  At our current rate of growth we should pass that milestone in a month or two, well before the 'summer slump' that will--in all likelihood--drive us (and every other church in North America) down by 30% or so.

We had our second biggest day ever yesterday.  Lots of new people and a real sense of energy, or vitality, in the room.

I actually felt sobered by the experience.  Mostly it's because I 'know' (I mean, I realize I have a lot to learn and by no means think I've got this whole 'church planting' thing 'cased' but I have done this before and the signs I'm seeing are ones I recognize from my previous experience) what's coming.  I realize that this thing is going to continue to grow and take up more and more of my time, focus and energy.

That's fine.

Mostly I hope that it's 'worth it' for the people coming.  

I could see it on their faces yesterday. There was a lot of smiling, some crying and lots of laughing.  A couple of the new people shifted forward in their seats a couple minutes into the sermon and stayed there (on the edge of their seats) right through.

That's a good sign.

The same thing happens at a movie.  People unconsciously slide a little forward in their seat when they're really engaged.

You can watch for this in your work too.

"Engagement"

Now, granted, I don't know what it is exactly that you do, but if it involves sentient beings in any way you'll be presented with the opportunity each day to cause the people you work with (your de-facto audience) to either engage with or disengage from the thing that you're doing.

It can be a real challenge.

But you must keep it in the forefront of you mind because 'growth' in your endeavor really depends on whether or not you can help people to become engaged and stay that way over the long term.

One of the reasons people tune into a TV series week after week is the same reason people keep coming back to church week after week.

Because they're engaged.

The first part of the problem is building the momentum (which can be the work of months or years) to get yourself a 'context' (a gig, a TV series, a movie deal, a church, a growing business, the right position at work) in which you can connect with people. The next part of the problem is getting them to come. Then, once they  start coming you have to find a way to 'bring it' week in and week out (or in whatever interval suits your particular endeavor) so that they get hooked on being engaged.

Then, once you've figured that part out (and it requires ongoing finessing--I don't think you every really figure it out 100%) you have to manage the growth that comes with it and the real problem there is not allowing the growth to distract you from what brought the growth (DV) in the first place.

Engagement.

Gotta' keep finding a way to create it...

T

In the land of the rising sun...

No, I'm not going to Japan.

I'd like to though. I have two friends who just got back and they LOVED it. Said it was really clean and cool and friendly.

No, no Japan for me.

The rising sun is in my head.

See I've started doing some cool new work.  Started a new screenplay. 23 pages in. Hoping to finish it this week.  Started a couple new budgets for TV series, which can sometimes end up as something 'actual' to produce. Started our first Membership Track at THE WELL and had our giving numbers jump (not 'necessarily' as a direct result, but it's pretty dang coincidental) to our best two consecutive weeks ever.

Tracked our web stats (also at TW) and they're quite robust.  Almost 20,000 times since we've started (six months ago) people have hopped onto our site for some searching, some encouragement and some sermons.

Pretty humbling, cool stuff.

Plus, the SUN has come out.

15 and sunny today.  It's glorious.  Spring is in the air.  Environment Canada has 'officially' called winter 'over' saying it was the warmest, driest winter in 60 years (Hooorraayy!) and I was 'boat shopping' yesterday.

Yes, you heard me.

Boat shopping.

Looked at two small ones.  Neither is the right fit for us.  But, man, was it fun to be 'actually' doing it.  I mean, I had a deposit in my pocket.  Didn't use it but would've.

And THAT'S (if you know me at all) thrilling.

Anyway.

Figured I'd update you a bit.  It's rare for this here blog to sit silent for a whole week.  It's been a busy first week as a (gasp) thirty-six year old.

Today it's doctor's appointments for all four kids AND the wife. So I'll be playing 'taxi driver' and 'waiting room entertainer' instead of working...

But in my mind, I'll be at play in the fields of the Lord...

(you too?)

T

A night to remember...

My wife is a crazy woman.

She totally (and I do mean totally) surprised me this past Sunday night with the birthday party to end all birthday parties.

I'd had a bit of a bummer of a day.  Two people stormed out ten minutes into my sermon at THE WELL, which is never that fun and I was generally 'bummed' at not having any kind of rip-roarin' birthday party planned.

I'd been trying to 'man up' and not 'suck out' about it but Niki could tell I was feeling grumpy Saturday morning as I made breakfast while trying to keep a positive attitude about the apparent lack of party materializing for my birthday night.

Exacerbating things was the fact that my kids were going to be out with my mother in law at their favorite local motel (swimming, eating fruit loops etc...) because my eldest daughter shares my birthday and the night out was her present.

So we were going to be 'taking it easy' with two couples (both of whom I love) Oscar night on my birthday with no kids...

Great...

So, Sunday afternoon.  

I'm still so thrown by the people walking out.  I'm doing a lot of thinking about it, trying to examine my heart to see if it was because of 'me' (something stupid I said or did, which would be entirely in-character for me...) or because of the 'content' (in which case, there's nothing I can do about that...) and I truly felt troubled.

The phone rings, it's one of my director-friends calling to see if I'll come visit him on-set.  It's going to be cool. Black-lights, models in body-paint, a RED cam, you get the picture.  

And here's the great part.

My director friend is one of the most relentlessly social guys I know.  He loves having people around and seems to really enjoy my company which is cool 'cause I really enjoy his company. Anyway, it's TOTALLY in-character for him to call me multiple times when he wants me to do something.

So, I wasn't surprised that he called a couple times to see if I was still planning to come.

See, I wasn't sure.  Typically, the last thing my wife wants me to do is leave her on a Sunday afternoon.  No problem, I'd said to her, you can come with me.

('cause, let's be real here, models + body paint + my wife who we'd convince to get into body paint = a very happy place...)

But then, on Saturday she went out with the kids to run some errands for Sarah's and my birthday.  I thought she was getting a cake, and maybe (in the best case scenario) a surround system to match my new LCD TV.

She comes home flustered, which is typical for her when she's got too much on her plate that she's trying to do too well, in too little time, upset that she didn't get done what she needed to get done.

(liar...)

So, now she's going to have to do it Sunday after church.  "Great..." I think, no models in body paint for me.  If she can't go, I won't go, end of story.

Then my friend calls Sunday afternoon to see if I'm still coming, and--turns out--Niki is cool for me to go.  "Yeah, I'll just run that errand while you're gone..." she says.

(liar...)

And I don't clue in, even slightly.

So I go. Drop the kids off at the motel with their grandmama, then hit the studio.

And here's the thing.

I had a great time at the studio.  I love being on-set.  I just hung out, got into it, soaked it all in.

By the time I was leaving for home my mood had lifted and my funk had gone. My friend (and his wife) who were slated to join us that night for our 'casual Oscars' asked me for details as I headed out and I just said, "Hey man, it's totally low key.  Just you two and my sister and her husband and Nik and I.  Whenever you get there we'll be chilled..."

Then I get home.

And the blinds were down.

"Aha..." I think.  She did plan something.

So I make sure to double lock my car so there's a 'honk' to warn whoever's inside that I'm walking up, then I open the door and find my house decked out like an Oscar party and packed with 30 of our closest friends, all of them dressed for the red carpet.

Shocking.

"LIAR!!" are the first words out of my mouth to my lovely wife.

See, when I saw the blinds down I thought maybe (MAYBE) in the best case scenario she'd gotten two other couples we've been trying to get under our roof at the same time for months to come--and that would have been ballistic enough--but to lock 30 people?

Insane.

And the food, and the black lights and sound system that my friend brought from the shoot with him, and the dancing 'till all hours, and the Oscar's and the joy...

Quite the night.

Thanks Niki.

Now I'm racking my brain as to how I can top that for her 35th in a year and a half.

I gotta' make me some money 'cause the only way I'll be able to do it is to include dancing on the beach by firelight in the Caribbean.

My work starts (on that) this week.

(And if you're reading this and you already know you'd be on that--caribbean--guest list, start saving your money NOW!!  I'll try to pay for it all myself, but you never know...)

T

underground...

In Ottawa the other day, while walking with the fam', I saw this.

Thought I'd grab a quick shot.

What amazed me about downtown Ottawa was the amount of work that went into making it what it is.  The shot above was taken with the Rideau canal running along to the right of frame. The canal locks are just up ahead next to the house with the reddish-brown door you see at the end of the tunnel.

Apparently it takes an hour and a half to transit the locks from the Ottawa river below up to the level we were at.  Locks that were built two generations ago that still work as-planned today.

Imagine.

Work that lasts that long.

It's got me a little down actually.  See, I'm examining my life and work in light of the 'permanent' type stuff I saw at parliament.

The obviously nagging question is 'what work of permanent (or even long-term) significance are you actually doing Todd?"

"Are you doing more than just surviving?"

And in trying to be really honest with the answer I'm finding myself lacking.

Granted, it's the 'start of the year doldrums' for me professionally right now.  The hope is that by May we'll be all guns blazing and up and at 'em and etc. making a difference and building a life.

But, in the midst of that I'm going to try to remember the above tunnel and the work it represents and try to stay inspired to be digging some long-lasting tunnels of my own.

You?

T

My family loves to travel...

We arrive at our hotel in downtown Ottawa and within two minutes they've got the radio cranked (dance music blasting) their clothes put away and, well, you can see the rest.

What's Jordan doing, down there on the floor?

Interpretive dance.

Seriously.

They're just like their mother. They love nothing more than traveling. We arrive in a place, they make it their home, move right in, then embrace the city.

We just walk around, explore things, and enjoy each other. Same recipe every time. 

I realized today, watching them through my lens, that I need to work very hard in the next decade to try and get them away more often and to further-flung places.  Then, when the time is right, I need to take a sabbatical and pull them right off the map into uncharted waters to let them see the World.

(and before they're too old to care)

They just love seeing new cities.

Gotta' see them dancing like that in places more imaginatively-fired than downtown Ottawa.

Though, seeing our Parliament building was cool.  I was having 'Prime Minister Visions'.

Think I'll stick to preaching...

T