back to it...

So here we go.

The start of a 'next chapter' today.

I'm sitting down today (with a brand new study Bible) to start preparing my first sermon in three and a half years.  I've said it before, but I really can't believe that it's been this long.  Last night, in the middle of it, I was pondering how such a long time could have passed.

I 'retired' from my last Church (one I'd planted together with a friend and our wives) January 2006.  The rest of 2006 right through 'till March 2007 was consumed with directing my first movie.  It's reasonable to expect that my focus would have been totally in 'movie-land' during that time.

Then, from March-December 2007 we  basically reaped the whirlwind.  We spent that entire span in what I like to call an 'income free zone' where we were waiting to see what would happen with our lives.  During that time we got a final 'no' to a Church plant we'd been exploring in Miami and also got a firm 'no' on an opportunity that had surfaced (which we'd pursued for four months) to go be a 'preaching pastor' at a large Church in downtown Chicago. The summer of 2007 was one of the darkest times I remember ever living through.  Every time we'd buy groceries it'd be because we'd transferred some of our home equity into our bank account to do so.  I'll spare your further details but, needless to say, it was tough.

Then, December 17th we got the contract signed for two new TV series.  We'd been working on trying to close that deal since October 2006 so to finally have it close was quite the relief.  I should say that the deal closed the same day we officially ran out of money which goes to show you that the old adage might be ture, "God is seldom early, but never late..."

Sheesh.

So, after that miraculous December we embarked on one of the craziest years in memory, a year where I produced 429 half-hours of television, flew 104,000 miles, and spent ten or so days out of every thirty away from my wife and kids.

Then, in November 2008 our contract wasn't renewed as promised so we were plunged into another six months of uncertainty. 

Then, in May 2009, we got our next contract signed and I shot a special that changed my life.

That special was the 'Jesus Christ' special with Tom Harpur.  The special ran over Easter and got very high ratings for the network here in Canada.  

It also renewed my faith.

A faith that had been battered (to say the least) in the span of time outlined above.  What it came down to for me was a realization that the person and claims of Jesus are either true or false, either life-changing or foolish, either THE truth on which you should hang a life or folly for which you shouldn't waste one.

I was led to my decision over that month of May.

It was a real time of awakening and repentance.  A time of reevaluation and introspection.  A time of calling.

See, when I planted our first independent Church, the 'call' to do so was a shared one.  My friend and I had been feeling called to 'do' Church for our peers since the early days of 1994. We'd tried in two different contexts between 1995 and 1999.  Both contexts had flourished in their own way but ultimately failed to yield the result we felt called to be working towards. So 'Freedomize Toronto' was an outworking of that shared dream and calling.

So when my friend left our Church to head south I was left devastated and call-less.  Said devastation has since been healed and all's well on that front but I'd never had an experience of an 'individual call' to plant a Church.  With the work done pursuing the Church plant in Miami--looking back I can now say--I was just acting on reflex, doing what I 'knew' how to do because I didn't have anything else to do or know how to act any differently.  At the time I felt I was doing what was right and good but looking back I can see I was lost.

It took these past three and half years and all the lessons learned to bring me to the point where I felt--truly and deeply and in a way that will sustain me through the 'sure-to-be-tough' years ahead--a personal call to plant THE WELL.

It's been a totally wild ride.

I was telling Niki (my wife--in case you're visiting for the first time today) that I feel very different this time 'round than I did when I was 25.  That's right, it was ten years ago that we started doing the initial work to get our first indie Church off the ground.

Ten years.

A full decade.

Mind blowing.

As I look back on that guy from ten years ago, I still like him.  I admire his passion and drive.  I like his optimism and focus.  I can see that his work-ethic needs some work and that he's less humble than he's going to be after he gets beat up over the next decade.  

I can see that being married is going to change him and having kids is going to destroy him and re-make him into something totally different.  I can see that his heart's in the right place but that he's a bit more brash than would best suit what he's trying to do.  I can tell that he's hurting and know that that's never going to change or stop.

I can tell he's torn between two worlds.  I still wonder how that's going to work our for him.

Looking at that guy today I feel like he's finally stuck his flag in the ground and--interestingly--it seems (at least in the near term) that things are not closing down for him as a result but opening up in very unexpected way.

Proving again that death to self is the beginning not the end.

Demonstrating again that trusting Jesus is foolish AND wise.

What a wild and woolly ride.

Something like your life, no?

My hopes for peace in it for you.

For You.

T