the view from up here...

I recently took my kids (and the cousins) up the CN Tower.  The trip kinda sucked.  Super expensive and packed.  Serves me right for going during the summer tourist season.

Being able to take this shot was cool though.

I'm looking west from the top of the tower towards Burlington--the city where I live--where I do my work as a TV and film producer and where I will work (starting any day now) as a--soon to be--second time church planter.

I'm in this weird holding pattern as I wait for Friday.  Friday I'll sign the documents to secure our location for launching this 'second time' church.  Said contract will run from September 13th through 'till June 27th, 2010.

Almost a year.

And the weight of it is making me sober.

Sober because I realize how tough this is going to be--I've done it before and have gotten older which has taught me that what little I know is nowhere near equivalent to what I'm going to have to learn.  Sober because I realize that peoples actual, literal, lives will get caught up in this thing and that's serious business.  Sober because I believe that Jesus builds His Church which means that there's really nothing I can do to make this 'second time' church grown.

Sure I can be faithful and obedient but ultimately I'm not in control.

I'm sober because it's different this time.  I'm not hovering on the edge of poverty (at the moment) this time around and that's hugely different from what life was like for us in 1999-2000 when we were getting ready to plant our 'first time' church.

I'm sober because I'm thinking about the people who might join us.  If I'm honest, I'm a little worried no one will come but I know that's not likely nonetheless I worry.

I'm sober because--if and when some measure of success comes--I realize, after being destroyed these past three and a half years, that staying broken and repentant is going to be so key and I know that that's hard to do and I know I must stay that way.

Plus, the perpetually grey clouds hovering over our city aren't helping.

But in the sobriety I'm full of hope.

Not silly 'airy fairy' hope.

Sober hope.

T