Where's my Butler?

I came home from L.A and, as usual, struggled a bit the first day or two back getting used to what my 'normal' life is like.

'Cause, lemme' tell you, L.A 'aint normal.

I have a butler there.

Well, 'we' have a butler.  He is tasked to our crew for the duration of our shoot and quite literally waits on us hand and foot from morning 'till night.

When I arrive in the morning he's got eggs how I like 'em done with toast how I like it and coffee and butter and PB&J and freshly squeezed OJ.  I don't even have to ask.

For lunch, I walk out of the studio and he's got a steaming plate of spaghetti bolognese waiting for me with fine linen and silverware and shredded parmegiano regianno.  

Anything we want, he gets.

It's sick.

Granted we PAY through the nose for the fine catering we get at the hotel and we do so for the sake of our guests and our crew, not for us, but we do enjoy the benefits of it.

And let me say that, while I'm engrossed in the kind of intense focus it takes to shoot 11 high-quality 45min interviews non-stop, back to back, all day for three days straight, the last thing I have brain space left for is deciding what to eat or when.  My Executive Producer, our L.A producer, and our Butler take it upon themselves to just point me in the right direction and tell me what to do.

I'm that focused and fried while I'm on-set.

I never really 'got' the whole Hollywood catering thing until I got to a certain level.  I remember directing my first feature-film.  It was a small film but a real one.  The stress was intense and almost unbearable.  I remember on day 17--the worst day of the shoot--it starting to rain and, without saying a thing, sensing my grips building a 'tent' over and around me from a bunch of 'C' stands and black drape.  I didn't even have to take my eyes off the monitor or my mind out of the scene.  One minute it was raining and I was getting wet, the next I was dry.

It's that kind of 'care' that spoils so many who work at this level and the levels beyond.

You hear about a 'culture of entitlement' in Hollywood.  You hear about the same thing in really big churches.  I think that tendency--to get to the point where you 'expect' to be treated like a star--can rear it's ugly head in both contexts.

I think the thing is this.

1) To acknowledge that sometimes you, and/or the people you're working with are so focused and applying themselves so intensely that they (or you) really, truly, need to have their day to day, moment to moment needs met so that they can stay focused on the very tough task at hand.  This can be true for you and your spouse in your average everyday life.  You need to keep your antennae alert to when they truly need you to 'serve' them.

2) To be very careful that neither you, nor the people you work with get 'used' to being taken care of.  I think it's very easy to settle into being cared for.  I mean, let's face it, it's nicer to have someone bring you dinner and clean it up than it is for you to have to do all the work yourself. The problem is, you can end up with unreal expectations when you get deposited back into your ordinary life.  I think it's really important to stay humble in your ethic and expectations.

Which is tough to do.

'Course, the real problem is that we--as people--tend to selfishness and self-focus and self-absorption.  We'll tend to milk a situation for everything we can get.  Often some of the people you work with will do the same.  So long as they're not footing the bill they'll be happy for you to keep doing so to their benefit and your loss.  They, ultimately don't care whether your kids get fed or not, they just want to 'get' what they can 'get' out of the situation.

The same is true for you right?  I mean, you're not sweating whether or not their rent gets paid this month, are you?

It's this near-mutually-parasitic relationship that goes on.

The question for me, as a guy who is trying to order his life and work in show business and church planting by a faith that is essentially external to me, is 'how' do I stay righteous (doing the right thing in every situation) in my ethic and repentant (admitting my wrongdoings and asking for forgiveness and help) when I blow it, without getting walked on by the people I work with.

See, you can't assume their motives are the same as yours.  So, what do you do?  From where I sit, you do the right thing and trust God to make up the rest--meaning the shortcomings in yourself and the wrongdoings of others.

And you try to be honest.  If you're not fried and focused beyond belief you don't ask for help and if it's offered you politely decline.  If you are taxed beyond measure and there's help available you take it with thanksgiving and humility.  If you sense someone taking advantage of you or their attitude 'sliding' you call them on it, preferably sooner rather than later.

And...

You don't treat the Butler (or your spouse God forbid...) like a servant, you treat him like a peer who's giving of himself to you and for you.

Yes, he's earning an income off you, but underneath it all he's a human being who's spending the hours of his life--the most essential commodity we have really--in your service, helping you to do what you feel called to do.

You ought to be thankful for that, unattached to that, and unaffected by that.

So that when you come home and your kids are screaming and YOU are making the pancakes and the eggs and the toast and the coffee (and you're going to have to clean it up too) you don't turn to your wife--like I did--with this bemused expression on your face and ask...

"Where's my butler?"

(I was just kidding...and we got a good laugh out of it and I told her, "I've got to blog about that...")

Natch.

T