pressing on...

This is going to be one of those weeks where I'm preaching to MYSELF at THE WELL.

See, I'm feeling tired and a little down.

Here's a snippet from the text I'll be working with:

"But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal..." 

(Phil 3:13b-14a ESV)

I need to hear that.

It's not that this feeling is strange. I've been here before. I'll be here again.  It's a 'season'; a 'waiting' season.  We're coming to the end of what has become (in the last three years) a four month period of silence to begin the year.  This is due in large part to the rhythms of the entertainment business.  Spring/Summer is a wild rush to get proposal, treatments and scripts in to the powers that be. By Fall whatever we're going to be working on, we're working on. We then work through 'till Christmas.  Fall has a second smaller rush to try and get some work set up for the new year. This rush inevitably doesn't play out before Christmas and, therefore, the thing you were working on gets put aside the week before Christmas and nobody even starts thinking straight again 'till the third week of January.

Then, from January 'till April/May you wait.

And wait.

And...

Well, you get the idea.

I hate waiting.  It's hard, it's uncertain, it tests my faith.

The real challenge for me in a 'waiting season' is to keep my mental/emotional/creative energy level consistently high and my hope simmering.  See, in a 'waiting season' you're still required to come up with good ideas. You're waiting for the 'good idea' you worked on last year to get approved but, while waiting for that, you're working on other ideas--typically three to five good ones--that you hope will get sifted to one or two that actually get traction for the next year.

In an ideal world, that way, you'd end up with one project that keeps rolling to which you'd add subsequent ones.

In all my years as a producer I've never yet had one success followed by another.  I've had projects happen, projects run their course and projects close. Then I've gotten another project going, only to repeat the cycle.

Which is fine, but my hope is to get to the point where I've got a few eggs in different baskets that keep rolling.

And it 'aint easy.

An ad on FB reminded me of this yesterday. It was for a 'Masters of Divinity' distance-Ed course and it promised (as all ads do) that you'd end up with a GREAT job as a pastor in "...a variety of pastoral roles..." if you'd JUST sign up, pay for, and complete their course.

Liars.

First, most distance-Ed courses (especially in theology) are kinda' suspect. Second, just 'cause you have a degree in a thing, doesn't mean you're going to get a job doing that thing.

Plus, 'pastoring' 'aint a 'growth industry' nor is it a 'job' but rather a calling. Going to school 'aint going to give you a 'calling'.

Same deal with show-biz. I've often told people (when speaking a various events) that you shouldn't get into ministry OR show-biz UNLESS you're called. It's just too tough, too depressing, too relationally charged, too set up for failure, too disillusioning to do it for any other reason than "I HAVE to do this..."

'Cause it 'aint easy.

Point here (for me) is I'm feeling tired.  Feeling like I don't want to wait anymore. Feeling like I'd rather not be doing what I'm doing these days.

Melodramatic?

I don't mean to be. Just trying to tell the truth, mostly to help me process, get it 'out there' and see if I feel better and/or learn something as a result and also to (perhaps) encourage those of you who might be dealing with similar feelings.

What does it mean to "Forget what lies behind..."/"Strain forward..."/"Press on..." in your context, or mine?  What SPECIFIC things do you need to be doing with your days to fulfill those three? What are you going to need to do (and to whom will you turn) to help you find the strength to keep going when you feel like quitting?

What is the source of your (my) hope?

Are you really called to be doing what you're doing?

If not, when are you going to quit and what will the fallout be?  If you are called, what's it going to take for you to stop moping and keep going?

Interesting side note:

I've been feeling a bit 'down' with attendance at THE WELL. We're starting to see the 'Spring/Summer Slump' hit our attendance.

I thought it was because of me...

So I ran the numbers.

And if you compare our first 16 weeks in existence (Sep-Dec 2009) to the last 16 weeks (Jan-April 2010) our attendance has (in fact) grown by 76% and our giving has grown by 63% both of which are EXPLOSIVE numbers for this 'industry'.

So, I have (contrary to my mood) every reason to be encouraged.

I'm also (listen up all you entrepreneurs) feeling a little 'blah' because THE WELL is planted now and I don't feel the same urgency I felt before it existed.  The tendency now (for guys like me) is to get bored and start thinking about moving on.

Not gonna' do that this time--I LEARNED my lesson.

Instead I'll take a friend's advice and do whatever it takes (expansion, new services, new complexities, new staff, new creative initiatives) to KEEP planting this new church so that I stay 'engaged' in the process.

Also, I've been really busy the last couple weeks with producing a music video and getting budgets and proposals ready and trying to find new post-production space so that's kept me out of my Bible more than it should--and I'm here to tell you--if you stop reading your Bible every day (for even a week) you'll find, as I do, that you start getting down about life.

I gotta' hit that book.

Gonna' do it right now in-fact.

We're ten days away, BTW, from an answer on our current series. I look forward to letting you know how that goes.  Either way, it'll mean another significant shift in my time-management requirements, outlook, hopes, fears and ambitions.

If you're in the Burlington area, c'mon out and see me this Sunday to see how the above passage (and the thoughts swirling around it) 'preach' or podcast it sometime next week.

Hope your day goes (a little) better because of this.

Now go read your Bible...

T