the best laid plans...

Planning is a funny thing.

I spent most of today doing it.  I find it to be a weird combination of visioning--dreaming of what 'might' be--and preparing, so that you'll be able to 'do' what needs doing to see the dream made reality, and waiting--because, at root, you don't have everything within yourself needed to make the 'thing' you're planning happen--and mundane workmanlike toil.

In-fact, the workmanlike aspect of achievement cannot be overstated.

If you think back over the things you've done for which you're most grateful and that--in your estimation--made the greatest impact on those around you, chances are you'll agree with me that most of the work that went into making that 'thing' happen was simple, one-step-at-a-time, non-rocket science type, simple work.

Like working an assembly line.

I did that for a while.  In fact, last time I was out of the pulpit for two years I spent several months of that 'hiatus' working as a 'temp' at a local Pepsi plant.  I'll never forget sitting in the temp office, doing an ESL test (my first degree is English/History) and feeling like I'd truly hit rock-bottom.  Anyway, I got hired, and started out painting the yellow steel posts that dotted the plant--posts intended to protect the machinery from the forklifts and their insane Mario Andretti-wanna' be drivers.

I was painting the things to get 'em pretty for the CEO who was about to tour our plant.

Once all the painting was done I got 'promoted' to sweeper.  And so me and the two other temps who'd been hired at the same time got to sweeping.

And that's where I really started pulling away from the pack.

See, the two other dudes were lazy.  They didn't really work hard.  When we were painting it was hard to track our progress.  The posts were scattered all over the plant, many of them hidden in nooks and crannies and out of the way corners so that the supervisors couldn't watch us at all times.  So long as each day it looked like more posts were getting painted (most of them by 'you know who') no-one really cared.

But when we started sweeping, well, all the sweeping took place in the main public areas of the plant for these were the areas the CEO was most likely going to tour.  So for the duration of our nine hour shift, we swept areas totally populated with the other plant workers and supervisors. And, that said, I still find it amazing that my two fellow temps continued to 'laze out'.

Seriously, the one dude, a tremendously fat and disgruntled former post-office worker (no joke) simply placed the end of the broom stick atop his belly, wedged in between two rolls of fat, and strolled around the plant all night, 'sweeping'.

I wasn't the least bit surprised to see him fired two nights later.

Me?  I swept like a madman.  No boasting here--I was, after all, the lowest of the low at the plant and that's nothing to boast of--I simply figured that if I had to work in a Pepsi plant for nine hours in the middle of the night I might as well work as hard as I could in the hopes that the time might pass a little quicker.

Wouldn't you know it, the CEO visit came and went, the other two temps got fired and I got promoted (for real this time) to 'machine operator' where I began running the machine that made all the 24 can cases of Pepsi product for the Greater Toronto Area.  The woman who had run the machine before me had been 'scalped' a month previous as she bent beneath the machine to try and clear a 'jam' without shutting it off as protocol demanded and one of our supervisors had been running it since.

Turns out he'd been watching me sweep, decided to take me under his wing, taught me the ropes over two nights and then let me at it.

"Mr. Machine Operator" that's me.

The point being that good things come if and as you work hard, simply, humbly and with a workmanlike attitude.

So as you plan your life--as I'm currently planning mine through the end of 2010 and beyond--don't get discouraged by the enormity of the task--"How will I ever paint all those posts?  How will I ever sweep all this?  When will I ever get promoted?  When will I get out of here and back to producing and preaching?"--just put your head down, get some vision, start dreaming, get studying so that you'll be prepared when the time does finally come and, while you're waiting, stay full of faith.

Because He who called you is faithful.

T

where ideas get their start...

For those of you who are show-biz oriented and/or just generally interested in the creative process I thought it might be cool to post a glimpse inside my head.

But since I can't photograph the inside of my skull I figured I'd go to the next best thing, the first stage of an idea past my cranium.

There it is.  

Four blue post-it notes all in a row.  On them the outline and time-breaks for four segments of a new half-hour prime-time nationally distributed bio-documentary television program I'll be producing this year for release the first week of September 2009.

It's called 'UNSCRIPTED' and will take you on a half-hour journey through the life, struggle, art and work of an entertainer you know and possibly admire.

We'll look at their early years, their first big-break, their darkest moment, and the legacy they hope to leave behind as a result of their life and work.

We've had 104 episodes picked up.

The first few guests will be:

George Hamilton

Nigel 'So You Think You Can Dance' Lythgoe

Peter Graves

Richard Bergi

Bob Newhart

Hector Elizondo

Paul Michael Glazer

Cedric the Entertainer

Glen Campbell

Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis

Kathy Ireland

Bruce Jenner

Vicky Lawrence

Pat Boone

Florence Henderson

Steven Cannell

Jose Eber

Erin Brockovich

Anita Pointer

Lou Gosset Jr.

Smokey Robinson

We'll start shooting content in L.A next week.

I'll keep you posted on how it goes.

The key for me and you to remember here is that these things are always 'one step at a time'. It's important to stay very humble and relaxed and to let the process unfold.  There's no point stressing out too much about the future or about what will go wrong.

If I've learned anything in my career as a Church Planter and Producer so far it's that these things we try to do--things that are ideally rooted in a life-less-ordinary and are therefore somewhat off the grid in terms of normal rhythms and expectations--tend to take on a life of their own and what you and I have to do is stay faithful to what we feel we've been called to do and just keep doing it.

One post-it note at a time...

T

the long haul...

So, a more show-biz-oriented post for you right here.

Just heard today that it looks like we've got a contract--or deal memo--signed to begin co-development on a new dramatic TV series that we've been incubating for some time.  The deal is with an established production company that helped create a major dramatic series that's currently running on CBS.

They're the real deal.

Here's what's post-worthy about this.

It's taken a million years to get to this point.

Okay, not a million, but a very long time.

It was 2002 when I decided that I needed to start leaning how to write for the screen.  I finished my first screenplay summer 2003 then wrote three more before writing one that got produced as a feature-film that I also directed.  The script that started us thinking in the direction of the TV series that's now under consideration was one we found more than three years ago.  We purchased the script two years ago--or maybe a year and a half ago.  We worked on that idea for a good six or seven months then decided to go in another direction.

I started workshopping the concept we're signing on this week summer 2008.

We built a mock-trailer for it fall 2008.

We showed the mock-trailer to the producer we're now entering into co-development with January 2009.

Four months later we're signing an agreement to develop the thing together.  

What that means is we'll workshop the idea 'till the point where our partners (with their deeper experience in pitching U.S networks and cable carriers) feel it's ready to 'go out with' after which they'll start working to find a home for the series.

Before that they'll probably put some feelers out to see if the parties they're considering approaching will be more inclined to consider our pitch if we 'attach' some elements--like a star actor or another more established TV production company or producer--to the pitch.  If they get a 'yes' to that, they'll work to get the attachments done.

Then, we'll start shopping.

Then, we'll either get interest or we won't.

If we do, we'll probably go into an extended 'refining the pitch' process which will either culminate in the series being picked up or not.

If it is, we'll go into pre-production for six months or so then start producing.

And so on, and so forth.

The point for you is that if you have a dream of doing something unique, that has mass impact and that is less-than-run-of-the-mill, you're going to be at it for a very long time.

Spiritual marathon shoes are what's required 'cause...

It's a long haul.

T

where to dig...

I was listening to one of my old sermons yesterday.

I'm trying to listen to one a day--usually one day it's one of mine then the next it's one by either Matt Chandler or Mark Driscoll--as I prepare for what looks like a re-deployment into that zone of my career sometime later this year.

Anyway, the sermon was from April 18, 2004.  

You can check it out here (just click on the 'April 18th' bit that's underlined and it'll download for you) if you're interested. 

It's funny listening to yourself after that long.  One reason is because the things you're saying aren't really coming from you per se.  As a preacher you're a vessel at best, doing your best work when you're staying out of the way as much as possible, doing your best to allow the Spirit of God to speak to you, through you, for the sake of God's people and His glory.  So, it often feels like you're listening to someone else altogether and the points, truths, lessons, applications that are present in your preaching speak to you--on a personal level--as much as to any other audience member.

Also, as in this case, when the sermon is from five years ago it's strange to hear the person you used to be and to measure that against who you are today and what it looks like you're headed towards in terms of your personal development.

I realize many of you probably aren't preachers, but I was thinking I might suggest you consider starting a diary, where you track through how your life is developing spiritually, maybe making an entry or two per week.  That way you'll have a similar ability to 'visit' yourself in the past and measure the 'past you' against the 'present you' with the hope of positively impacting the 'future you' in terms of a righteous ethic.

Just something to think about.

And I realize it's potentially dangerous to quote yourself, but let me just say that I don't feel like I'm really quoting myself--the thing I said was totally 'in the moment' and clearly an 'inspired' thing that the Holy Spirit was doing in me--as a preacher--at the time for the sake of His people, so any wisdom or applicability in it has nothing to do with me.

That said, I thought you might get some encouragement from what was said.

The sermon is on dealing with despair and as part of it--in a spur of the moment moment--I said:

"I always say, wasteland is the best place to dig a well."

And that really hit me for a couple reasons.

1) Many of us are experiencing a 'wasteland season' in our lives right now.  Much of it has to do with the economic downturn and the effect that's having on us.  I know people who are losing their jobs or really suffering with a drastically decreased cash flow.  Many who have become satisfied with an abundant income as a false means to peace are now facing the harsh reality that money is faithless and fickle.  I also know many who are dissatisfied with their lot in life--many who seem to be trapped in a way of life they didn't exactly set out to achieve. 

Wasteland.

If #1 is you, my thoughts for you have to do with re-discovering the power and reality of Jesus. For many, other 'functional saviors' (MD) take the place of Jesus.  Your job, your primary relationship, your income, your music, your sports watching, your favorite TV show, your kids, your community work, your art--whatever--become the thing that you turn to for comfort, purpose and peace.  Of course we all know that at some point those things will break down, betray us, and/or outright pass away.  This downturn certainly seems to be shaking people's faith in things.  If you're feeling shaken, I'd suggest you remember Jesus.  I can say He's made a big difference in my life even in the past three months.

2) I've been thinking very deeply about doing something--a specific, concrete, thing--to try and address, in some small, locally-oriented way the wasteland that's taken root in my town.  I've even been thinking in terms of names and specific strategies and much of that specific thinking (even down to the exact name) has been receiving small confirmations or affirmations each day, not the least of which was the quote from 'myself' yesterday.  

The reason I point out #2 is because that same kind of 'leading' can (and probably is) happen(ing) in your life.  A key is to be open to it and aware.  It seems that the urge to make a decision or take a leap of faith builds up a slow and gradual head of steam as you wrestle with dissatisfaction or a renewed sense of calling and that, as you respond to that 'call', at some point things come to a head and stuff starts happening.  I've found it very important to respond to God's leading when things start happening that are very out of the ordinary, or that feel strongly 'directed' in a way that you know is outside the norm in terms of how your life usually goes.

All that to say, I thought it might help you today to be reminded that in a time of desert, when things are looking down, or you're feeling low or spiritually dry, you should stay humble, acknowledge your need, ask for leading and take steps in obedience when the leading starts to happen.

My wish is for streams in the desert for you.

T

lonely nights...

This was the view out of my hotel window my last night alone in Vancouver.

I'd just wrapped episode 325 of the series that's kept my nose to the grindstone for a year and three months.  I'd walked home in the rain (you can just see it in the shot), dog tired, totally spent from six days of intensely focused writing and directing.

Was about to go to sleep and looked out the window.

Thought I'd capture it.

Those empty windows across from me?  Stared at 'em all year.  Our hotel deal meant that they'd put me in the least desirable rooms--'cause they weren't otherwise booked by 'paying guests'--so I always ended up looking the same way.  Didn't matter much to me since most of my days in the suite were spent at this here computer typing away, my mind far adrift in the fields of imagination as I worked my butt to the bone trying to pull blood from a stone.

Anyway, I was glad to put an end to those lonely nights.

Much of my last year and three months have been spent alone.

In fact, let's try and tally it up--just for fun.

52 flights.

104,000 miles travelled.

260 hours spent on a plane.

91 days away from my wife and kids (it's amazing they still remember me).

25% of my year spent alone (and 25% of my wife's year spent alone with FOUR kids under 9)

91 egg sandwiches, cups of 'pike place' coffee, and cups of strawberry yogurt.  "You're Welcome" Starbucks.

91 falafels.  Yes, I eat the same thing every day when I'm away.

325 episodes.

162.5 hours of television produced.

2,600 'monologue' segments written.

5,200 minutes of 'monologue' put out there into the World with my thoughts driving 'em.  (that's 86.6 hours of my thinking out there in the public consciousness)

325 episodes X eight airings per day X 5 days per week = 13,000 airings X 1,000 average viewers per episode = 13,000,000 impressions I've made on Canadians over the past year and three months with this one series.

Needless to say it wasn't just 'me' doing all this work, there were many people involved in making all this happen, but this is my blog and I'm reflecting on this personally hence all the 'I' talk.  But I digress...

Pretty sobering stuff.

Pretty humbling stuff.

And the crux of it all is that I haven't felt like it's 'enough'.  

And I don't mean 'enough' in terms of my satisfaction.  I mean 'enough' in terms of my spending all that time and effort on something that was less than as focused as it could have been on the 'thing' that I feel I've been put on the earth to do.

So what do you do then?  Do you think of thirteen million impressions as a waste of time?  Do you tell your wife she spent 25% of her year alone for nothing?

Certainly not.

You keep in mind how hard it was to do what you did this past year and three months.  You stay mindful of the fact that, even when you can't see the end from the beginning, even when you don't quite know why you're being led along the path you're walking, there are things going on beyond your comprehension or control.

You hold to the fact that good is coming to you and going from you as a result of spending your life in the service of your family, your sense of calling, and your community.

You trust.

And when the season comes to an end--ideally well before it actually ends--you start keeping yourself very open to and aware of what might be coming next.

Then, when it comes, you embrace what comes.

Again, you trust.

And what's funny is that, as you begin to find new vision, you 'see' that there is as much--if not more--uncertainty in this new chapter as there was in the last.

But what's cool, and important to keep in mind, is that all those miles you've travelled?  All that work you've done?  All that time you've spent alone and thinking?  All the times you've had to rise to the challenge and 'perform'?  Well, those moments are now part of your track record, part of your legacy.  No one can take those things away from you because they're in the past.  

You can now move forward knowing that everything you've said and done in the past year and three months is part and parcel of what you'll do with the next.

You know that those lonely nights weren't for nothing.

T

Bobby...

I don't often get nervous.

I did for this week's guest though.

I mean, how could you not?  Bob Barker?  THE Bob Barker?  Coming to see me?  At the Beverly Willshire Hotel?  To talk about his life and career and his passion for animals?

Man.

Bob Barker.

So I was wrapping up my interview with R&B superstar (and former husband of Halle Berry--I KNOW that's right) Eric Benet and one of our assistants pops her head into the room to let me know 'Mr. Barker is here and wants to meet you...'

Bob Barker.

Funny thing was, Eric Benet was as excited to meet Bob as I was.  That's when you know a star is a superstar--when other stars get silly at the prospect of meeting them.

So we walk into the makeup room and there he is.

The man, the myth, the legend.

Bob Barker.

And he looked old.  Real old.

And he was nice.  Real nice.

And when we got him out under the lights and got the cameras rolling he turned into BOB BARKER!

Pretty cool experience.  You can watch it this Sunday night in Vancouver on channel 10 and in Winnipeg on channel 11 at 9:00pm local.  The rest of you should be able to catch it on VisionTV all across Canada and the rest o' y'all--including my east asian readers--will be able to watch it online, next week sometime by visiting here.

Hope you enjoy him as much as I did.

T

hater-ation...

So it's like this.

I added a new 'hater' to my list today.

To be clear, this is not someone I hate, I don't think I've ever truly 'hated' anyone in my whole life. What I added today was another person who thinks poorly of me.

I have a long list.

I said to my wife on our walk this evening that at least no one will ever accuse me of inciting neutrality in anyone.

"Ha, ha!" said she.  "True enough."

The thing that got me about today's revelation was that I've met this new hater like two or three times max in my entire life.  He doesn't know me and I don't know him.  We know some of the same people but our interaction has been minimal at best.  And yet I find out that he's out there dragging my name through the mud, spreading a low opinion of my character and generally spreading hater-ation where yours truly is concerned.

Troubling.

Naturally, some might say, "Meh.  Just let it roll off.  Who cares what other people think about you?"  And I get that.  But here's the thing.  A core aspect of my belief-system has to do with cultivating a soft-hearted approach to life; staying open to criticism and correction and that's impossible to do if you cultivate a 'who cares?' approach in your interaction with others.

The downside of cultivating soft-heartedness (blessed are the meek) is that it leaves you more open to pain than you otherwise would be.

So when you find out that someone out there hates you, thinks you're a joke, a jerk, an arrogant bully, it hurts you for a bit.

It typically takes me about half an hour to get over the chest pain that accompanies discovering a new 'hater' and after the half-hour has past I spend the rest of that day--and some of the next-in contemplation of the hater's 'charge' making sure that there's no truth in it, and if there is, repenting of it and moving forward.  If there's nothing there that 'sticks' then you move on and let it roll off, one hater richer.

I guess I share this with you because there's a chance that you have haters.  I think it's simply true that the more 'less ordinary' your life is the higher the chances are that you'll accumulate a significant number of haters.

They'll hate you 'cause you're different.  They'll hate you 'cause you're focused.  They'll hate you 'cause you seem content or contained.  They'll hate you 'cause you succeed.  They'll hate you 'cause when you fail you don't give up.  They'll hate you 'cause of your passion.  They'll hate you for your singleminded demeanor.  They'll hate you for your mistakes.  They'll hate you for the things you get right.  They'll hate your belief.  They'll hate your convictions.

They'll hate you because you make them jealous or because your way of life convicts them of some 'lack' in theirs or simply because you stand out or refuse to bend to the things that have bent them.

Whatever.

My hope is that you find God's strength alive in your weakness.  My hope is that you can glory in being seen as foolish and ignore the 'judgment' of your peers and live for the judgment of your Maker.

Because ultimately you're not living for the haters but for the Lover of your soul.

T

all done...

This is the team who were with us this past Thursday night for the last day of shooting on 'THE DAILY: with mark & laura-lynn' the main talk-show I've been producing since January 2008.

At times our crew has been much bigger, but as we wound things down we kept compressing and simplifying things (for financial reasons) to the point that our last night was quite a simple and intimate affair.

We got through it, shot our last show (#325) and let the cameras roll as we uncorked a bottle of bubbly and shared some laughs, some hugs and some words of kindness.

It's been quite the journey producing this show.  I've been stretched as a producer/writer by the sheer volume of it and gratified, as a director, by the end-result.

My editor, Russell-Izzo-Greene (and his team including L-Stat, Holly and Mark L.) has been a soldier.  Without him and his team we wouldn't have been able to do what we did at the level we did it.

Also, Ms. Candace Newton our guesting coordinator and associate producer was invaluable. Without her contacts and tenacity--and that of her assistant Ms. Lynn Preston-- we'd have ended up with a talk show with no-one to talk to.

Greg Meeres, associate producer, was a real mensch, getting things done at all hours and going beyond the extra mile.

Our DP Lindsay George--and our regular crew of Andre, Lindsay, Greg, Devon, Aleesha, Romeo, Hameeda, Samir, and sundry others--were always very professional and 'on it' and painted some lovely light.

Naturally co-hosts Mark Washington and Laura-lynn Tyler-Thompson get the props here they deserve. They both came to play, every time we shot and poured themselves out in a worthy manner.

Tore Stautland, our Executive Producer, put the deal together and, together with Tamara Preston our office manager, stewarded the financial side of things which was a real tough prospect.

And so, a season of my life as a producer comes to an end.

"and whither then, I cannot say..."

Peace.

T

a good word...

I realize I run the risk with a post like this of alienating some of my readers. 

This blog is designed to serve as an outlet for expressive communication around the two particular 'zones' of my career; preaching and producing.  The ultimate goal is for my musings and reflections to be of inspiration to those of you who neither preach nor produce but who are simply living your life and finding the odd connection point between my life/journey and yours that is uplifting, useful, encouraging, though-provoking, good, hopeful or inspiring.

That's what it's about.

So, if you read this blog and are not in any way connected to the world of the pulpit nor the faith that anchors that world, you may want to skip this post.

Okay, enough disclaiming...

Here's the reason for this post today.

I got a 'word of knowledge' at Church yesterday.

Now, there may be some of you to whom the term is new, strange or unclear.  The verse typically referenced is 1 Corinthians 12:8.  Here it is from the English Standard Version:

"For to one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit..." 1 Cor 12:8 (ESV)

The passage is dealing with 'spiritual gifts'--gifts granted to followers of Jesus by the Holy Spirit for the benefit of God's people, sometimes individually, most often corporately.

In many of the more charismatic traditions (including the one in which I was raised) it has been common for the concept of this gift to be misused and/or misapplied.  At worst, you see young pentecostal teenaged boys walking up to the prettiest girl at camp and announcing, "God has told me you're to be my wife..."  My father's suggested reaction to this was to remind the girls to say, "Well, thanks for the compliment, I'll get back to you when God tells me the same thing."

And that's the lingering wisdom Dad left with me on this.

He always said that a genuine 'word of knowledge' should come as no surprise to you but rather should be an affirmation of something you've already been sensing from God and/or wrestling with.  If it comes totally out of the blue, He suggests you disregard it.

The reason is rooted in belief.  If you believe God exists and that--in relationship with Jesus since Jesus is God--we are connected to Him constantly and closely then you believe that God is involved with you in every aspect of your life.  If that's the case and if all spiritual gifts are ultimately given by God the Holy Spirit and sourced in God's Omniscience (all knowledge) then it would be very strange indeed for someone other than you to be more closely connected to God in terms of your life and walk than you.  

The other thing Dad always said is that any 'word of knowledge' should be examined in the light of Scripture and understood in-terms of the gospel and/or your lifelong sense of what God has called you to do and who He has called you to be.

So, all that out of the way, here's what happened to me on Sunday.

We went to Church, attendance was way down as is typical the week after Easter, and the service was in no way spectacular.  It wasn't until the very last song of the worship set that I had any deep sense of the presence of God the Holy Spirit with His people--and from watching and being aware of the outward reactions of the people in the room, there certainly was something different going on during the last song than what had being going on in the hour and a half previous.  

Anyway, service ends, my wife gets talking to a lady who'd been seated behind us.  I pick the kids up from Sunday school where they'd had a great time.  I'm waiting for Niki, who's now talking to someone else, when the lady she was talking to when I'd brushed past to go get the kids walks up to me.  We get to talking.  She looks a little embarrassed for a second then says, "Would you mind if I shared something with you a second?  God just put it on my heart so strong in the service, I really feel I have to share it with you."

Let's pause a second.

I don't know this lady okay?  I know her parents loosely, they're the same age as my grandparents so that puts this lady in her mid-to late forties or so.  She knows me by reputation.  Last time she saw me was nigh on ten years ago when I was preaching at an event she was part of on the U of T campus.  I didn't see her there or know her then in any way.

"Sure" I say, "Lay it on me."  And off she goes.

"Well, I just really felt in the service--about halfway through--that God would say to you that His desire is for you to begin preaching again."

BOOM!

Just like that.

And I'm working real hard to keep it together.  

Having finished her 'word', that one simple sentence, she then proceeded to expand on it a bit, bringing her 'interpretation' of the 'word'.  At this point--if you're the recipient--it's been my practice to hear them out but to not take too seriously their interpretation.  It has always seemed to me that if anyone should be interpreting God's 'word' to you it should be you, and if you remain confused about it, those to whom you're spiritually accountable--in my case my Dad, my wife, and one or two close friends.

(all of whom--by the way--I'd already gone to on this as I'd been wrestling with it in an intense way for at least a quarter of a year...)

When she was done, I thanked her sincerely, and affirmed her faith by telling her that I think her 'word' was a good one.  I told her that God has been dealing with me for the past three months very clearly in this same area and that my wife and I have been in prayer re: God leading us through to the way in which He wants us to walk this growing urge out.

It's very important to be honest and kind with someone when they're sharing these kinds of things with you.  When they're 'on' you should affirm them and their faith and when they're not you might say, "Well, thanks for that.  I don't quite know how applicable that is right now, but I'll pray on it and I really appreciate you taking an interest in me."  

For me, this week, the lady was 'on'. Frighteningly so.

Of particular relevance was that I spent Saturday feeling quite 'lost'.  I felt all but disconnected from the Lord.  I spent most of the day just sitting in my Muskoka chair out front of our house thinking and praying and listening.  The truth of it was that I was really pouring out my heart, asking the Lord to speak to me, to let me know I'm 'His' to give me some sense that I haven't 'left my first love' or spent so much time out of the pulpit that it's 'over' for me.

Deep, soul-searching stuff.

And I'd asked God--on my walk Saturday morning--to speak to me somehow, to show Himself to me, to give me a moment of encouragement that would remind me I'm His child and that He hears my cries of longing and desire to be of-service and faithful.

My wife had asked me how I was feeling Saturday night and I'd told her straight up, "I feel kind of lost at the moment..."  We talked it through, drank our glass of red wine, watched some NBA, then hit the sack.

I didn't think again about my Saturday morning prayers.

So when I got to Sunday and the lady approached me and said what she said it came--at first--as a bolt from the blue (which is nice) then settled down into an awareness that this 'word' fit exactly into the journey I'd been walking the past three months or so.

Which is even better.

And the end result is that I feel connected--which is a nice feeling to get once in a while--and affirmed, and my prayers, which have been in that certain direction for some time now, have been fueled with a much-needed dose of hope that I'm being heard and that provision (is here) and is coming.

It's key to note that I'm not doing anything differently post-word than I was before it.  I'm just doing what I've been doing, but deeply encouraged.

I'll be sure to keep you posted via this here blog as to how things progress.

For today though, I'm breathing a sigh of spiritual relief, reminded that I am His and He is mine.

T

a day well-spent...

I spent my whole day doing this.

Walking.

From 9:00am 'till 5:00pm I wandered the streets of downtown Vancouver from my hotel at Seymour and Pender to breakfast at the Yaletown Park Starbucks then down--via Beatty Walk--to the water and across the water on the Aquabus to Granville Island where I just sat for hours and hours watching the sailboats then got our favorite peach treat from the market and some wonderful organic fair trade coffee for the boat ride back to Yaletown.  I then walked uphill on Helmcken to Burrard and then down Burrard to the Chapters on Robson where I spent some more time with some boats--this time on paper--then walked Robson to Granville to Pender to my Hotel.

Checked my email.

Then walked Pender to Burrard and down to Canada Place then past the new 1 billion dollar convention center to the boardwalk where I sat for two hours watching the seaplanes take off and land and the boats come and go.  Then walked to my hotel, got my gear, and walked here--to the studio.

And all the while I walked and I sat and I thought and I talked to God.

I'm real thankful to have had today to do that.  See, we're finishing up the season of one of my TV series.  The series hasn't been renewed which amounts to a 'cancellation' which is like getting punched in the face.  Not fun.

I was really bummed out about it last week as I was writing segments for the last 90 episodes. My wife reminded me that I'm a 'starter' not a 'finisher'.  That doesn't mean I can't finish--'cause I have, several times in my life--but that I don't like to finish, that it doesn't give me 'life' per se. I get much more jazzed by coming up with ideas and facing down the challenge of creating something where once there was nothing.

Even when I left my Church--and it wasn't being 'cancelled'--I faced this same kind of deep sadness.

So, a day spent in the sunshine, walking and listening to God and breathing and readying myself for whatever's 'next' was a good way to spend a day.

Next time you're facing deep personal transition, take it from me, schedule a day off and go for a walk...

T

last one...

Big moment.

Just finished writing the last episode (#325) of one of the TV series I've been producing for the past year.

It's been fun and tough and challenging and frustrating and rewarding all at once.

Talk about a roller coaster. 

I've felt really down the last couple days--facing the end of it--but now that it's done I feel excited and relieved.

Relieved because I was able to finish the job and excited because every time in my life I've faced this kind of uncertainty I've found myself--a few months down the road--doing newer, fresher, cooler, harder, more fulfilling things.

So, bring on the next chapter and my love and thanks to our cast and crew.

T

190 (or 60) and counting...

One of the Producer/Preachers best friends is water.

Yup.

Water.

Spiritual and physical.

You need to keep yourself 'filled' because the whole point of what you do is to pour yourself out for others.  

You pour out ideas, dreams, and effort--with hours of phone calls and negotiations and planning and budgeting and studying and reading and writing and thinking and selling and meeting and crafting and speaking.

And if you don't take care of yourself, spiritually, physically and mentally--sooner or later--you'll find yourself empty.

Like a husk.

And you and I both know that there's nothing worse for the creative person than having nothing left to give.

Thing is, this is true for you as well even if you're not a creative person or someone whose life is about communicating ideas to others.  Even if you're a mom at home with her kids or a dad coming home from the grind, you're going to need to make sure you've got enough left to 'give' both to your spouse and to your babies.

I'm thinking of an image of baby birds, beaks spread wide, squeaking for their parents to feed them.  That's your kids with you.  They need you to provide for them, not just sustenance or a roof but inspiration, truth, meaning, love, purpose, passion, and faith.

If you don't give it to them, they'll get it nowhere else.

Same deal with your audience.  When someone sits down to watch or listen to your work you are like a parent to them.  For that space in time you are their provider--or at the very least a mediator through whom provision will be given them.

It's serious business this life-building, sermon-preaching, story-telling thing.

Keep yourself filled friend.

'Cause we're all thirsty for what you have to give.

T

on set nonetheless...

My apologies for the bummer post earlier today.  It's a fine line with this blog.  On the one hand I want to be honest and open but on the other--with the number of readers steadily climbing--this space is more 'public' than would otherwise necessarily be optimized for personal catharsis.

Anyway...

I also posted some of my 'feelings' (I feel a bit chic-i-fied) on my facebook page and I've got some of my friends worried.

I just wanted to say that since my blog post from earlier today a couple things have happened.

1) a script we've been developing is starting to get some preliminary--but exciting--traction in La-la land, so that's cool and I'm grateful.

2) my crew in Vancouver really came together and my hosts are really digging deep and tonight's shoot is on-time and humming along nicely.

Like I keep saying, you keep putting one foot in front of the other.

It's hard sometimes but what I/we do is hard--and maybe the same is true for you--so there you go.

Keep going.

T

the end of the road...

This is how I feel today.

Today's a 'bad day'.

Why?

Well, today is the start of the last three days of shooting on one of the series I've been producing.  It's the last three days because the series has been cancelled.  What's really difficult about it is that we hit the targets we were told we needed to hit to get renewed and audience response has been very strong.  All the signs were pointing to good things then--one day--we just got this call.

"Yeah, we're not going to renew for a second season."

YANK!

Just like that.

And all the people working on the thing are so devastated, and some of them feel it's my fault and there's nothing I can do about it.

Lemme' tell you, writing the last 90 episodes has been somewhat less than fun for me.  It's hard enough doing this kind of volume and style of work when things are looking good, but once the axe has fallen and you're really just filling in the days 'till it's over?

That's tough.

And the urge to try and make sense of it, to find some reason, to figure out a way of looking at the past year and a half of my life as somewhat less than 'wasted' is a tough one.

I know that there's no such thing as 'wasted time' in God's economy.  I know that if you put your heart into a thing, even if it doesn't turn out the way you'd hoped, you're always moving towards something else and something good.  

I know it's about the journey and not about the destination. 

But in the midst of all the things I 'know' I'm feeling very low.

Through it though, I'm putting one foot in front of the other--like a good soldier should--working my way through enemy territory, head on a swivel, sniffing the air, watching the sky, stepping carefully and listening.

I know that--someday--I'll break out into a field somewhere and find myself in a season of good and plenty.

Just not today.

Today, I'm in the trenches.

And it 'aint fun.

T

work in progress...

So, here's what it takes to do what I do.

For those of you new readers--I'm a Producer/Director in lifestyle/talk television and an emerging (meaning I've only done one so far...) Producer/Director in feature-film.  In addition, I'm an erstwhile Preacher/Church Planter.

Anyway, the desk is deployed in the service of TV production today.

Here's what we're looking at--from left to right...

-The blue post-it note has my flight info for tomorrow's flight.  I get up at 4:30am, fly at 7:00am land--on the other side of the country--at 9:00am (PST) and start shooting at 5:30pm.

-Under the blue post-it note are my longhand estimates of what each of our 'staff' will be making this year.  As part of our overall budget, I have to crunch those salary numbers to 1) make sure we can afford 'em and 2) make sure the staff will do their thing for that number without feeling taken advantage of.

-The two stacks of 8.5/11 paper are episode outlines, telling me what we've already shot, the content and duration.  I use these sheets to make sure I'm covering what's needed.  The sheets exist on my computer screen as well.

-Above and to the left of those sheets are my 1) phone 2) a flower from my daughter in my pen jar 3)my stapler 4) my glass of water--I drink H20 non-stop when I'm working so that I don't get hungry and snack unnecessarily 5) a picture of my babies so that I keep the 'why' in perspective.

-Center frame we have 1) my desk blotter where I scribble notes during phone calls 2) My MacBook which is like a second--and much more reliable--brain 3) my BOSE earphones which allow me to 'zone out' and work no matter where I am.  As long as the soundtrack is consistent I always feel somewhat 'at home' 4) a breakdown of all the new interviews--50 of 'em--that I have to write into the next 90 episodes.

-Above and to the right we have 1) my 'pay these bills' stand where urgent bills are on-display so I don't forget them 2) my external drive where I back my files up 3) my latest stack of receipts--one of probably 20 stacks representing probably 60K in expenses from last year 4) all the CD's that make up my iTunes file in their original--physical--form.  5) an outline of all the new 'dramatic' segments we shot--25 of 'em--to be incorporated into these next 90 episodes.

-At the far right of frame, from the bottom up, we have 1) a stack of scripts and concepts we're developing 2) my printer 3) a form--on top of the printer--for an application related to a new project I'm working on (Church-related) that I can't talk about yet.

How's that?

The life--and desk--of a producer...

Who is procrastinating.

T

the power of a role model...

This is my daughter Sarah, her next door neighbor, and my baby daughter Zoe out for an afternoon run.

They ran from our house to the stop sign (top right) and back--probably four hundred yards. 

They went for a run because...

This is my wife (in pink on the right) on her cool down walk after a run with her friend.  They ran 6.5 km's.

My daughters run because my wife runs.

My son has started blogging because his Daddy does.  

My baby boy loves cars 'cause I do.

My marriage is strong 'cause my parents' was.

I believe because they did.

I won't be surprised if my kids end up living outside the margins, doing what they love, and leveraging the story of our faith--when appropriate and in the right contexts--into the things they do.

'Cause, when it all comes down to it, you tend to grow as you've been grown.

And that's something to think about with your kids.  What are your habits?  What kind of marriage are they seeing you display?  Do they know you love your work or know that you live for the weekend?  Do they see you chasing your wife around the house or ignoring her?  Do they see you pray and read and believe or do the see you paying lip-service?  Do they hear you trying to treat the people you work with with respect or do they know you don't really give a rat about anybody else?  

To lesser degree this kind of 'leading by example' works at work too.  Now, let it be said, that not everyone you work with or know will respond to your example.  Many will just go on doing their thing and will remain contemptuous of your ethic, attitude and demeanor no matter how hard you try, but there will also be some who (to quote the apostle) 'mimic your way of life' and that influence is probably some of the most effective influence you will ever have.

Just like you shape your kids you just might shape those around you--and through them their sphere of influence and so on and so forth--until the culture of your town might begin shifting towards the good, the pure, the lovely.

So, how 'bout it?  Ready to set an example?  On-set, on-stage, in-pulpit, at board meeting? If you are, get your shoes on and start running.

T

mad traffic...

I'm getting MAD traffic to this here blog today.

It's 'cause our "JESUS CHRIST!" special got HUGE ratings.  We just found out it rated in the top 3 for all the commissioned projects our network did for the ENTIRE year.

Pretty cool stuff.  It's a great feeling to have made something that connected.

If you're interested, you can watch it here.

Thanks to our crew (T&C&K&P) for making it happen.

Check 'er out.

T

like father...

...like son.

His name is Jordan, he's nine, a sports fanatic and now...

A blogger.

Yes, my nine year old  has his own blog--he writes every word of it himself, with no assistance, first on paper then laboriously typing it out word for word.  Took him most of the day yesterday to get his first post done.  Welcome to the new World.

Like his Dad, he's enthusiastic and serious to a fault.  Like his Dad, he thinks his opinions matter and will talk a blue streak about them to anyone who'll listen.  Like his Dad, he's been reading from a very young age and already has quite the memory for the things he loves. Just don't ask him about the things he doesn't love.

Like his Dad.

He brought me his blog addy today because...

"Daddy, you have readers from all around the World on your blog and if you tell them about mine, maybe they'll start reading it!"

So, dear readers from all over the World, I present to you my son, and his...

blog.

T

flyin' in for a big meeting...

Big meeting today.  Might involve shooting a major feature-length documentary--or series--in China of all places.  I'm about to meet with the V.P of World Expo 2010 in Shanghai--flew into Vancouver today just for the meeting.

Crazy stuff.

A few years back, if you were to tell me I'd be flying five hours to meet a high-level delegation from China, it would have been a stretch for me to believe you.

The thing about this is that it came to us.  

We've connected with a high-raking journalist in Vancouver over the past year.  We've done some work with him and he's come to like us, I think, and trust the kind of work we do.  I was sitting in my office two weeks back and he just called out of the blue.  Told me about this Expo project and said he'd suggested us to the Chinese delegation.

And so here I am.

Once again a reminder that you just never know who you're going to connect with through the work you do nor how the work you do is going to impact those same people nor the way(s) in which that impact might translate to them asking you to do more things with them--unto making further impact.

Encouragement to keep doing what you're doing 'cause you just never know what's going to come of it.

And--total change of subject here--the reason I posted the picture from my flight today was because of all the symmetrical white shapes you can see on the ground.

Lakes?

Nope, patches of forest that have been clear-cut.  Because there are no longer any trees there, the snow piles up on the ground yielding a white patch shaped like the swath our machines have cut through the forest.

Now, it's clear I'm not the 'most' ardent environmentalist but, I will admit, all those white patches gave me pause today.  All the many times I've flown to Vancouver this year, there hasn't been snow over those portions of wilderness so I never had the white to highlight the blight.

Today I saw the fruit of our labor and consumption in a new way.

I feel humbled, and challenged.

Maybe you do to.

T

getting ready to jump...

You'd think--having done it before--that getting ready to take the leap would get easier.

I mean seriously, you've been down this road in the past.  You've jumped.  You survived.  More than survived, in fact, you are who you are today only because you took that leap.  If you hadn't jumped nothing that 'is' today in your life would be the same.

Yet you find yourself afraid, the closer you get to the edge.

Now--full disclosure here--I've been accused of trying to leap too soon and would admit that, in the past, I've been guilty as charged.  Part of that due to straight up character flaws, part of it to circumstance(s) and urgency, part due in large part to immaturity.

That doesn't change the fact that there comes a moment where you 'know' that you've got to 'go'.

So what do you do with that?

Do you listen to the critics?  Do you slow down and think about it?  Do you examine the surrounding hills to see if there's any way down other than jumping?  Do you weigh your options and build a careful plan and consult with others?

Or do you just jump?

Eventually, you jump.

Before you jump you have to get to the edge of the cliff.  Getting there is a journey.  Chances are, any good thing you feel compelled to do, is going to be a thing you know is hard to do and that you won't be able to do unless you have the connections and experience needed to at least get the process started.  That 'filter' (connections and experience) is pretty good to start with.

For example, if you want to produce a movie but don't have a distribution company you can call to get them to vet the script and talk with you about 'foreign' you're probably not ready.

That kind of thing.

But say you have those connections.  Say your experience is fairly deep and broad.  Say you're--to some small degree and for better or worse--a 'known' commodity.  Say you do have the people to call and they're calling you back and the things you need to happen--albeit baby, BABY, steps--are starting to happen?

Well then, if that's what happening to you, regardless of your industry or the thing you're contemplating doing, take it from me (a guy who's jumped a few times), you should keep walking towards that edge.

Along the way, keep yourself accountable to key signposts ie: make sure you're getting the things you need to 'get' to keep moving forward and to your better-half, talking incessantly about the thing you're about to leap into and listen to what they have to say.  Listen very carefully.  If you're blessed to have a good friend or two who are wise and will tell you truth, once you're about ten yards or so from the edge, ask them to talk to you and see if they can talk you out of it...

(If your Dad's an 'Oracle' listen to him)

If they can (talk you out of it), you should turn around.  If they can't and--best of all--if they start showing signs of wanting to leap with you, or at the very least, want to help you jump then you should close the final few yards...

And jump.

Exciting times friends.  There never was a better time to start something than in a social and economic downturn.  Legends, fortunes and movements were made by simple people who faced their fear and 'did it' when the chips were down and people and markets were ready for change.

Ready?

T

the past behind us...

That's our first date.

Todd and Niki on the left and two of our closest high-school era friends on the right.  My Dads smokin' hot red Camaro (yes CAMARO) in the background.

Yes, I used to wear suits.  I was a Pentecostal boy--what can I say?

Our lapels and ties give it away as 1994 or so.  Glad to say our hairstyles aren't THAT outlandish.

Mind you, the fact that the foreground is out of focus helps with that.  

The foreground is out of focus--how weird is that? 

 It's likely that Niki's friend's Mom--taking the picture--was less than a practiced photog hence the mixed up focus but here's the point.

I never noticed the lack of focus 'till today.

And it doesn't really matter if the past is out of focus does it?  That's kind of the way life is, isn't it?  

Your memories are fuzzy.  You remember extremes of pain and joy, the bright moments and dark ones.  You probably don't remember oatmeal for breakfast or the simple joys of laughter around the lunch table in your high school cafeteria.  

You do remember your first date, first kiss.  It all happened the night of that fuzzy photo.

You've got no clue as to what the future holds though.

Sure, you're full of hope.  Sure, you're hoping for the best.  But did you imagine fifteen years later and four kids and ten years in a career and three houses owned and all the trips and all the cars and all the flights and the days at the beach and the nights of despair?  All the sex and joy and sorrow and pain and the slow death of self?

Not that.  You couldn't have imagined that.

And that's something to think on when crafting your stories and writing your sermons and building your business or life.

Nobody's going to remember the practical details of the 'thing' you do.  They're going to remember the high points, the moments of impact.  It's when you hit 'em between the eyes that you're going to make a lasting impression--when you knock their socks off.

Added to those bright spots, they're going to remember the long-haul.  

If you can find a way to stick at doing the thing you do for fifteen years or more, chances are, the people who join you along the way for a year or two or three, those people, they'll remember you and your passion and your message and your point.

You just got to last.

From first date to fifteen years.

Fuzzy past, fuzzy future, glowing present.

You've got to treat each moment--every chance you get to make an impact--as golden and YOUR moment, your chance to make history.

Here's hoping your (and my) work today is unto that.

Making history.

T

Thickening your skin...

It's happening to me again...

Drama.

Sometimes no matter how hard you work, no matter what you do, or the sacrifices you make behind the scenes, there are going to be people in your life and work who choose to blame you for things that have happened that they perceive as 'bad' and a result of negligence or malicious intent on your part.

Of course, most of the time, nothing could be further from the truth.

But they don't know what you know, and they wouldn't see it the way you do, no matter what.

And that's the issue.

I don't know if I mentioned this to you here already but--even if I did--it begs mentioning again. I was interviewing a noted spiritual leader and best-selling author (he's an 'Oprah guy') a couple months back and he said something in the interview that's stuck with me to this day.

He reminded me that everyone sees and experiences life ONLY from their own perspective. He suggested therefore that you and I ought not to ever take anything anyone else does personally. Regardless of what appears to be being said about you or done to you, it's likely--he said--that what's going on with them is much more connected to who they are, what they've suffered and lived, and how they see things from their point of view, than it is--in reality--connected directly to you or your actions.

Pretty cool reminder.

Now, I filter what he said through my particular worldview (!) which reminds me that even if he's right, that's not an excuse for me to act wrongly towards someone or to be reckless in my behavior, attitude or work-ethic.  But, that said, his comments have certainly helped me to toughen up my skin.

Even though they're directing their venom at me, I'm free to let it roll off.  I'm free to say,  think and feel that their actions are their responsibility, and that I am not to be held accountable for their decisions, actions, attitudes, perspective or venom.

It's really helping me.

'Cause for many years I was very susceptible to these kind of 'personal attacks'.  In fact, I've often wondered if my sensitivity is something people pick up on and use 'against' me to try and force or manipulate me into yielding in a conflict thereby getting me to give them what they want.

I wonder...

(the funny thing is, I think there are many people I've interacted with professionally over the years who would think me the opposite of 'emotional' or 'vulnerable'...)

So I'm trying, all these years later, to be both 'righteous' (trying to do the right thing in any given situation and relying on grace and forgiveness when I fail...) and tough-skinned.

I've said it before, and I've been reminded of it again today--if you want to be a leader, if you want (and feel called) to live a life that's somewhat outside the margins or 'less ordinary' you're going to cause conflict and you're going to have people deciding not to like you.

This is true on a set--you can't be 'friends' with your gaffer, you have to get him to do what he needs to do--rain or shine--and he's not going to like you for it.

This is true in a Church plant--you can't be 'friends' with your congregants, you have to preach the truth to them and call them to do what they need to do--rain or shine--and they're not going to like your for it.

This is true in your home--you can't be 'friends' with your kids, you have to be their parent first and raise them and tell them to do what they need to do--happy or sad or mad--and they're not going to 'like' you for it until they're 28.

'Aint no other way around it.

So get your helmet on and keep goin' friend, keep goin'.

T

imagination everywhere...

 

D'you recognize it?

C'mon, try a little harder...

No?

Here's a hint.  Egyptology.

Okay, Egyptology homeschool-style.

Ahhhhh!  You got it don't you?

The Great Pyramid and The Sphinx.

I'm in the basement, working away, and the kids just popped down to tell me what they've been working on with their 'ancient history' and 'geography' studies this afternoon.

Take a little lego, mix it with their fertile minds, that's what you get.

Cool.

I'm inspired by my kids.  Inspired to remember childhood.  Inspired to remember what it's like to draw or build the World in the image of your dreams.  Inspired to dream.  Inspired to build.

Inspired to keep trying.

'Cause imagination is effortless for them.

That's why they say the Kingdom is for little kids.

They can see it.

T

breakfast 'omens'...

I needed that smiley face today.

Having been working without a contract since November 2008 I've/we've been in a really tough phase.  Being a producer isn't like working for a producer.  When you work for someone you typically get paid for the work you do.  Pretty simple.  When you're the person--or in my case one part of a team of two--generating the funds it's a whole different deal.

I remember my business partner telling me--back nearly ten years ago when we first started working together--that I needed to develop an appreciation for how hard it is to 'make' money. His point was that an 'employee' sees things in a simple light--I work, you pay me.  The money kind of 'magically' appears.  But for the employer you have to find someone or some entity who's willing to 'give' that money to you first and that process is extremely difficult.

Ten years later I appreciate his words in a very deep way.

So, this morning, I go to pick up coffee, natural peanut butter, english muffins and milk for our breakfast.  I go to the bank machine expecting to find a certain amount there--and no princely sum at that--and instead I find myself all but cleaned out.

Blood pressure rises, heart palpitates "Oh man, here we go again.  Back to this..."

It's a terrible feeling.

So I buy half the coffee, choose the cheaper english muffins (the ones I like are twice the price) and hold my breath at the register hoping the total will be under $15 which is what I happened to have in my wallet.

$11.47.

I drive home, feeling right depressed now.  See, if I was an 'employee' I'd be fine.  I've been busting my ass since November putting in long days and--more importantly--developing good, strong, creative ideas for TV series, movies and online initiatives.  The work I've done in the past five months would normally be worth a six figure salary--easy.

But, that 'salary' won't exist 'till my business partner and I turn said ideas and pitches into signed contracts and said contracts turn into cash flow scenarios vetted by legal and accounting and put into monthly rotation.

Then we'll start paying people--including ourselves.

Will we ever make the five months back?  Well, in theory, yes.  The difference between me and an employee is that if we ever re-sell one of our hypothetical series--past the first window--then any revenues from that go not to our entire staff or team but to the partners in the corporation, one of which is me.

Sounds good.

Problem is--some days--I feel quite low 'cause I've been doing this kind of thing for ten years or so now and never yet have we had one of those 'windfall' moments where we get a huge cheque as back-payment.

My business partner would be quick to remind me that--looking back--we've done better every year than the year before, and he's right, we have, but faced with rationing your english muffins you tend to not be necessarily disposed to taking the 'long view'.

Back to breakfast...

So, we cook.  I'm pretty silent through it all, feeling down about things and wracking my brain for ways to diversify, to multiply my revenue streams.  I can tell my wife is troubled by my silence so I'm trying to be 'happily silent'.

It's not working though.

We sit down to breakfast.  I'm working hard to not snap at my kids.  It's not that they're being bad per se it's just that all the normally crazy and loud and mess-inducing things they do are grating on me more than usual 'cause I'm stressed and down and they're the closest target so my tendency is to snap at them just 'cause.

I've got the eggs, the english muffins and the coffee all ready to go.  I'm waiting for Niki to sit down before I start eating.  She shows up at my shoulder.  Drops two pieces of melon on my plate.  Not carefully, or deliberately, just drops them on my plate.  I thank her.  She gives me a kiss on the cheek.

We notice the plate.

It's smiling at us.

(Jesus is smiling at us)

It's going to be alright.

We start smiling.

And we pray, with the kids...

"Thank you Lord for giving us, this day, our daily bread..."

Cheap-ass english muffins and the last four eggs in our fridge and coffee mixed weak so it'll last a little longer...

All of it smiling at us.

T