wanting to run...

Looks like the Caribbean right?

We wish.

In truth, that shot of my baby Zoe was taken at the foot of Brant St. in downtown Burlington, on the shores of Lake Ontario.

I posted the shot because it points to a very real tension Niki and I have been dealing with for the past three days.  As we inch closer and closer to launching THE WELL (our second 'from scratch' church plant) we find ourselves wanting to run away.

"Run awaaayyyy!!!"

Yesterday we spent most of our evening together talking about our very real desire to sell everything, buy a boat and go sail the world while our kids (and we) are still young.

And yet, here in the real world, we're getting ready to do something that will tie us to this town and our normal way of life for a considerable chunk of time.  It's a very real sacrifice.  And I realize that many people would be content to be working towards stability and 'normalcy' but that's never been our motivator.  Niki and I have always been very determined to try to live a life 'less ordinary'.  We live on one income, we homeschool our kids, I'm self-employed, we have FOUR kids, we went to a local  university so we wouldn't have student loans etc. etc. 

The goal has been to try and stay 'off the grid' to some small degree.

And yet, here we are about to start what can look--from most vantage points--like the most average of jobs.

The thought is sobering to say the least.

So we did some thinking and some talking.  This morning she was still feeling unsure.  I reminded her of some other times when she was unsure.

-The night before we got married, she wanted to back out.

-The months leading up to our first church plant, she wanted to back out.

-When we'd decided to leave our first church plant, she wondered if we were making the right decision.

-Every time we got pregnant past the first 'surprise' baby, she wanted to back out.

-When we started thinking about THE WELL, she started wondering.

I reminded her that's she's got commitment issues.

"Good thing I got you when I did..." I said, smiling at her as we brushed our teeth this morning.  "Otherwise you'd still be single!"

She hit me, then laughed.

And the challenge for me is to listen to our urges.  To be honest about them.  To admit that we want to be 'free' but really wrestle with that urge and measure it against what we feel we've been built, designed and called to do.

'Cause it strikes me that being obedient (to what God's built into you and called you to do) is really key to enjoying life.  It's not good to be always 'kicking against the goads...' or fighting what you're clearly supposed to be doing.

Then again, it's really tough to know with any kind of certainty that you're actually supposed to be doing what you're supposed to be doing.

Plus, when you start circling in on your sense of how your life ought to be being ordered you start having to fight all the expectations of your culture, your friends and family, and of the 'system' or tradition that is connected to the thing you're thinking of doing.

There are rules.  "You have to do this..." or "You can't do that..." or "You won't succeed unless..." or "You're sure to fail if you..." and the pressure can really get to you and start you second guessing.

What occurred to me (again) this morning, again down at the Brant St. Pier (Niki and I rode our bikes there with Zoe for breakfast--a good 15km total there and back) was that life truly is a 'choose your own adventure' kind of scenario.

It really is what you make it.

Yes, for a person of faith life myself, you listen to God and do what He tells you to do but when God's not talking you start talking telling Him what's in your heart to do and saying simply and with honest humility that you're going to try and do it as unto Him and for His glory so "Here I go Lord, please stop me if You don't want me to do this and even if I fail I pray You'd glorify Yourself in my weakness..."

And off you go.

So, here we are, exactly four Sunday's from launching THE WELL and we're going to do so in a way that's unique to us, with all our particular gifts and weaknesses and we're  going to find a way to do it in such a way that we are obedient and faithful to the dreams we feel God has put in our hearts.

Including dipping that baby's toes in the real Caribbean before we're too old.

My wish for you?  

That same kind of determined freedom.

T