the almighty...

It always comes down to casheesh...

No matter how good your working relationship with someone is, as soon as the money exchanged between you comes into question, it's going to switch from 'show-friends' to 'show-business' real quick.

This is tough for me.

For the most part, I have tended to enjoy the people I work with.  I've always tried to keep the working environments I have influence over as cordial and civilized as possible.  Lord knows, a Church Plant or a TV or film set are hectic enough places to begin with.  Add unnecessary acrimony or conflict into it and you're not having much fun at all.

Something that occurred to me last week was that many of the people I work with don't believe what I believe about life, God, and the universe and there's a good chance that--unlike me--they didn't grow up in Sunday School which means they never memorized the 'fruit of the Spirit' which means they don't consider 'self-control' to be a character trait that's expected in any mature person.

Intense, right?

So, I found that so freeing because--here I've been--going around getting hurt by all these people in my life who treat me unkindly or exhibit a lack of self-control in their interactions with me or who are totally self-oriented in their ethic and I'm thinking it ought to be another way.

Not for them.

See, they don't believe what I believe.  They don't live a life that's trying to be in-submission to an authority higher than their own.  And I'm not trying to say they are lousier people than I or that I've got some kind of 'leg up' on them, I'm just realizing that they march to the beat of a totally different drummer than I do and that--therefore--my expectation of their conduct is out of whack.

So...

I'm going to stop feeling hurt.  When they lash out at me I'm going to let it roll off.  I'm not going to lash back, but I'm also not going to go to extreme lengths to mollify them either.  Their reaction is their reaction.  I'm not going to judge it, I'm just going to dodge it.

Shoot somebody else friend--I'm done being your target...

I don't need to 'receive' their anger or their angst or their acrimony.  

I also don't need to expect them to behave in a way that I think is acceptable.

The net result of all this is relational distance.  I'm going to put more distance between myself and the people with whom I work and I'm going to adjust my expectations.  I'm going to lower them.  I'm going to relax with the 'friendliness' and try to treat business as business.

It'd be one thing if they and I shared an operating system but, seeing as we don't, I'm going to keep a safe distance 'cause--damn--I'm tired of taking pot shots.

This is real true also in Church Planting.  Everybody in your congregation wants to be your friend and thinks you're their friend and might treat you like a friend, until you have to speak something difficult into their life and/or call them to something like repentance.

Try your 'friendship' on for size then.

If you become friends with your congregation you'll probably lose your ability to pastor them.

If you become friends with your employees you'll probably lose your ability to demand performance of them.

I sense that some would say, "Yeah, well, they'll work harder for you and will enjoy the process more if they feel like you care..."

I'm not saying don't 'care'.  I'm not saying treat anyone with disrespect.  I'm not suggesting you treat anyone as disposable. 

I'm just saying, if you think you're friends, think again.

T