feelin' the fear...

Tough moment today.

First my business partner calls me, then my wife.  Both of 'em worried 'cause I'm about to go in and interview a man who's considered one of Canada's most liberal theologians.  His book, pictured above, is a full-frontal assault on the faith my family (on both sides) has spent generations proclaiming.  In fact, in the course of the interview, he took a moment to rake the South American Evangelical revival over the coals blaming the Western 'literalist missionaries' for wreaking havoc there that will take centuries to undo.

My grandfather (mother's father) was that missionary.  

Literally, three of the four main Argentine Evangelists working today (and for the past thirty years) Juan Carlos Ortiz, Luis Palao and Ed Silvoso were mentored by E. Howard Kerr, my beloved, brilliant, poetic, prophetic sage of a Grandfather.

It was so crazy, I almost coughed up a lung right there.

Didn't rake him over the coals though.  Didn't tell him about the hundreds of thousands of people whose lives have been changed--radically--by the teaching of those three, teaching they learned at the feet of my grandpa.

Back to the start of the interview.

I almost freaked out.  I had been reading Tom's book and the weight of it, the oppressive power of it--he's a strong mind to be sure--was really weighing on me.  Add to that the strong insecurity that's been going on in my life this week career-wise (we're waiting on a signed contract that will secure the next year and half of our life and are right up against the end of our reserve income...once again) and I told Niki that I felt like this moment was either the beginning of a whole new thing for me or the end.

I know it sounds melodramatic but it was serious moment.

Anyway, I went in, did the interview (25 minutes that felt like 6 which is the surest gauge there is that your interview is rockin'...) and he didn't eat me alive.  He wasn't so brilliant that I had nothing to say.  I was able to keep pace, able to ask questions to take it where I'd hoped to go, able to get him to open up, able to make him laugh and pause and hesitate.  

It was good.

I was relieved.

Goes to show you that, even when you're quite terrified of a thing, if you can find a way to man up and see it through, more often than not you'll find yourself doing a good thing, surviving and making something of your life and work.

Scary though in the process.

It'll be very interesting to see what kind of reaction the special gets when we air it Easter Sunday.

T